How to handle separation from a man I’m attached to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

Wait, just so I understand ...

You're "exclusive" with a "boyfriend" you've been seeing for two months. Yet, two weeks ago you were seeing another man.

Do I have that right?

I haven’t been intimate with another man.

My boyfriend just said that he is still sick, will finish an urgent task at work and will go back to bed. What am I supposed to do - should I volunteer to come in the evening and bring him some chicken broth and medicine?

You weren’t intimate but you “passionately kissed” another man. Google anxious attachment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

Wait, just so I understand ...

You're "exclusive" with a "boyfriend" you've been seeing for two months. Yet, two weeks ago you were seeing another man.

Do I have that right?

I haven’t been intimate with another man.

My boyfriend just said that he is still sick, will finish an urgent task at work and will go back to bed. What am I supposed to do - should I volunteer to come in the evening and bring him some chicken broth and medicine?

You weren’t intimate but you “passionately kissed” another man. Google anxious attachment.

And if the "boyfriend" did anything remotely like that I imagine she'd be furious over how he cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

OP here. I think it’s because my bonding hormones increase so much when we are together that it’s really hard to go through a drop for the next few days. It’s biological. A painful withdrawal stage always makes me think that if love comes with so much pain, I don’t need love in my life. Based on this, I made a decision to marry DH many years ago. I didn’t love him, and there were no meaningful changes in my hormonal levels - not much pleasure, but no pain either.

Why are you involved with three men, one of whom you are married to, at the same time?

Separate from all of them and get some therapy to figure out why you are so dependent on this dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with wanting to see your person more often and to set a date and time for your next date in advance. If he's not as interested in that type of schedule you're not compatible. There are other guys who would also be interested in seeing their SO more often if not every day.

But it's seriously not normal to be crying when you don't see him for a day or two or to have to distract yourself with someone else.

GET THERAPY OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

Wait, just so I understand ...

You're "exclusive" with a "boyfriend" you've been seeing for two months. Yet, two weeks ago you were seeing another man.

Do I have that right?

I haven’t been intimate with another man.

My boyfriend just said that he is still sick, will finish an urgent task at work and will go back to bed. What am I supposed to do - should I volunteer to come in the evening and bring him some chicken broth and medicine?

You weren’t intimate but you “passionately kissed” another man. Google anxious attachment.

And if the "boyfriend" did anything remotely like that I imagine she'd be furious over how he cheated.

OP here. I wouldn’t even be upset about that at all, if he satisfied my physical and emotional needs and still had the energy to kiss someone else. My problem is that my needs aren’t satisfied by this relationship and I don’t have that much time left to keep waiting until he is in good mood and health to see me. Maybe we indeed are incompatible.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a wreck and a giant pain to deal with. And the fact that she can't even see that there's a problem is, in fact, a huge problem. OP, seriously, get some therapy and stop dating for a while.

Just the fact that you married someone you claim not to love just to avoid this dysfunctional part of your personality is just an incredible admission. I hope you don't have kids because I can only imagine the head games you'd be playing with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

Wait, just so I understand ...

You're "exclusive" with a "boyfriend" you've been seeing for two months. Yet, two weeks ago you were seeing another man.

Do I have that right?

I haven’t been intimate with another man.

My boyfriend just said that he is still sick, will finish an urgent task at work and will go back to bed. What am I supposed to do - should I volunteer to come in the evening and bring him some chicken broth and medicine?

You weren’t intimate but you “passionately kissed” another man. Google anxious attachment.

And if the "boyfriend" did anything remotely like that I imagine she'd be furious over how he cheated.

OP here. I wouldn’t even be upset about that at all, if he satisfied my physical and emotional needs and still had the energy to kiss someone else. My problem is that my needs aren’t satisfied by this relationship and I don’t have that much time left to keep waiting until he is in good mood and health to see me. Maybe we indeed are incompatible.

I think you should do him a favor and dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

Wait, just so I understand ...

You're "exclusive" with a "boyfriend" you've been seeing for two months. Yet, two weeks ago you were seeing another man.

Do I have that right?

I haven’t been intimate with another man.

My boyfriend just said that he is still sick, will finish an urgent task at work and will go back to bed. What am I supposed to do - should I volunteer to come in the evening and bring him some chicken broth and medicine?

You weren’t intimate but you “passionately kissed” another man. Google anxious attachment.

And if the "boyfriend" did anything remotely like that I imagine she'd be furious over how he cheated.

OP here. I wouldn’t even be upset about that at all, if he satisfied my physical and emotional needs and still had the energy to kiss someone else. My problem is that my needs aren’t satisfied by this relationship and I don’t have that much time left to keep waiting until he is in good mood and health to see me. Maybe we indeed are incompatible.

I think you should do him a favor and dump him.

If she does, she should tell him exactly what's going on with her so that he can appreciate the bullet he will hopefully dodge here.

[Anonymous]

But then she will need another boyfriend tomorrow because she cannot imagine the pain of spending a night alone with herself and doesn't seem to have any other hobbies or friends. OP is there anything at all you enjoy doing that doesn't involve needing a man's attention?

[Anonymous]

Has it only been a month OP? You haven't been "waiting" very long and maybe he does want to see you more often. Just be straightforward. His answer will tell you everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a wreck and a giant pain to deal with. And the fact that she can't even see that there's a problem is, in fact, a huge problem. OP, seriously, get some therapy and stop dating for a while.

Just the fact that you married someone you claim not to love just to avoid this dysfunctional part of your personality is just an incredible admission. I hope you don't have kids because I can only imagine the head games you'd be playing with them.

OP is a giant troll you keep feeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But then she will need another boyfriend tomorrow because she cannot imagine the pain of spending a night alone with herself and doesn't seem to have any other hobbies or friends. OP is there anything at all you enjoy doing that doesn't involve needing a man's attention?

I moved to a different city after I separated from DH. I have a lot of friends and talk with them daily but none of them are in this city.

Another man that I used as a distraction has a ton of friends here because he founded a Meetup group a while ago and brought over 200 people together that way. They have activities daily, and he wants me to join them at any time. But I shouldn’t go because he is there and that would be cheating on a boyfriend that doesn’t even want to see me now, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But then she will need another boyfriend tomorrow because she cannot imagine the pain of spending a night alone with herself and doesn't seem to have any other hobbies or friends. OP is there anything at all you enjoy doing that doesn't involve needing a man's attention?

I moved to a different city after I separated from DH. I have a lot of friends and talk with them daily but none of them are in this city.

Another man that I used as a distraction has a ton of friends here because he founded a Meetup group a while ago and brought over 200 people together that way. They have activities daily, and he wants me to join them at any time. But I shouldn’t go because he is there and that would be cheating on a boyfriend that doesn’t even want to see me now, right?

There is a difference between meeting up with a male friend in a group setting and passionately kissing a guy you've been texting with. Do you see that? You really sound like a very emotional teenager.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy to figure out why you're so needy. This is not good. Why do you hate spending time by yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has it only been a month OP? You haven't been "waiting" very long and maybe he does want to see you more often. Just be straightforward. His answer will tell you everything.

Two months. During the first 10 days we actually saw each other daily because I was on a brake from work, and he was more excited maybe? Then we spent 3 full days together over the weekends and he came over on Wednesday evenings and stayed overnight. Then during month 2 it became very chaotic and unpredictable when we’ll see each other during the week, and now I have no idea when he’ll feel good enough to meet.