How to handle separation from a man I’m attached to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

The fact that your coping with being alone involves other men is just not good. You actually want a relationship? Distracting with potential interests is just about the worst thing you can do. How.wpuld you feel if you found out he had done the same thing?

Well, if he wanted to see me often and I was available only once a week, I wouldn’t be surprised if he started seeing someone else who better meets his needs. We are obviously seeing each other more than once a week, but there is no specific rhythm, it’s too chaotic for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you posted what you did and then came back like “what’s unreasonable about it? Why do I need therapy?” has me wondering if this is for real.

True, this could be someone's boredom.

Well, of course it is. This troll has tells.

The real Q is why do so many people respond to such obvious storytelling? Do they think this is real or are they also just bored scrollers happy to jump into the story knowing it’s all made up anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you posted what you did and then came back like “what’s unreasonable about it? Why do I need therapy?” has me wondering if this is for real.

True, this could be someone's boredom.

Well, of course it is. This troll has tells.

The real Q is why do so many people respond to such obvious storytelling? Do they think this is real or are they also just bored scrollers happy to jump into the story knowing it’s all made up anyway?

OP here. This is all real. I’m trying to build a healthy loving relationship and need help. I don’t know how to adjust to a chaotic dating rhythm when he doesn’t know in advance whether he’ll want to see me on Wednesday or Thursday or Friday. I don’t want to put pressure on him and don’t want to suffer either.

[Anonymous]

You've got to love yourself and be able to be alone before you can be with someone else. Cliche but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

Wait, just so I understand ...

You're "exclusive" with a "boyfriend" you've been seeing for two months. Yet, two weeks ago you were seeing another man.

Do I have that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You need therapy.

Did you come from a broken home?
Also, what's the hold up with the divorce? I'd address both of those before dating.

My parents had been married for more than 50 years until one of them passed away, so no.
I moved to a different city and live by myself, and in VA we need to live separately for 6 months before filing for a divorce, and it’s convenient to stay on his medical insurance. We have good friendly relationship, no rush.

What do you think is unreasonable in my behavior that I need therapy? Should I just always be at man’s mercy as to when to see each other, if I do want to see them nearly daily but most men probably don’t want to date daily?

You’re suffocating these poor men.
Do you not know how to be alone? … for 24 hrs?


It’s giving desperate.

[Anonymous]

This screams BPD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

Wait, just so I understand ...

You're "exclusive" with a "boyfriend" you've been seeing for two months. Yet, two weeks ago you were seeing another man.

Do I have that right?

I haven’t been intimate with another man.

My boyfriend just said that he is still sick, will finish an urgent task at work and will go back to bed. What am I supposed to do - should I volunteer to come in the evening and bring him some chicken broth and medicine?

[Anonymous]

OP, you need therapy. You were married for 20+ years to someone you never loved, you're "exclusive" (questionably) with this guy and freaking out after only two months, you're not even divorced yet (six months isn't that long to wait). You really need to unpack what is going on before you ask someone else to be in a relationship with you. Truthfully, you sound incredibly immature. I guess the only bright light is you never had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

Wait, just so I understand ...

You're "exclusive" with a "boyfriend" you've been seeing for two months. Yet, two weeks ago you were seeing another man.

Do I have that right?

I haven’t been intimate with another man.

My boyfriend just said that he is still sick, will finish an urgent task at work and will go back to bed. What am I supposed to do - should I volunteer to come in the evening and bring him some chicken broth and medicine?

You should call your husbands insurance provider and find a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

The fact that your coping with being alone involves other men is just not good. You actually want a relationship? Distracting with potential interests is just about the worst thing you can do. How.wpuld you feel if you found out he had done the same thing?

Well, if he wanted to see me often and I was available only once a week, I wouldn’t be surprised if he started seeing someone else who better meets his needs. We are obviously seeing each other more than once a week, but there is no specific rhythm, it’s too chaotic for me.

You're not ready to be in a relationship. And you're doing this when he's sick?

This comes across like you throwing a bit of a tantrum when you don't get attention. Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

Wait, just so I understand ...

You're "exclusive" with a "boyfriend" you've been seeing for two months. Yet, two weeks ago you were seeing another man.

Do I have that right?

I haven’t been intimate with another man.

My boyfriend just said that he is still sick, will finish an urgent task at work and will go back to bed. What am I supposed to do - should I volunteer to come in the evening and bring him some chicken broth and medicine?

No. You should say "I hope you feel better" and then stay home and read or watch Netflix or do a puzzle or something. Or maybe go work out. Or take a walk. If you're "exclusive" you don't go running to another man. Surely you understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need therapy. You were married for 20+ years to someone you never loved, you're "exclusive" (questionably) with this guy and freaking out after only two months, you're not even divorced yet (six months isn't that long to wait). You really need to unpack what is going on before you ask someone else to be in a relationship with you. Truthfully, you sound incredibly immature. I guess the only bright light is you never had kids.

Well, I guess no bright light then. I have 2 adult kids (early 20s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're suffocating the boyfriend. Just know that.

Also, be careful as you're committing adultery. In Virginia, that could come back to bite you in the ass in the financial settlement with your STBX if he finds out.

I’m trying not to suffocate him - that’s why I even met with another man as a distraction. When he told me yesterday that he wasn’t feeling well, took a nap and is going to bed after dinner again and “maybe let’s get together tomorrow”, I said: “Hope you feel well tomorrow” with a kissing emoji and didn’t share anything else that I’m sharing here.

Oh no, you realize that's worse, right?

He said he was sick so you met up with another guy? And you say he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive.

I mean it comes across as punitive behavior. Not good.

I haven’t seen another guy for 2 weeks, he texted me yesterday but I don’t want to meet with him now. I want to give my relationship with my boyfriend a better chance to develop into something meaningful, if possible.

To the other posters, this is all real. I only wanted to know the specifics as to what you think I should address in therapy. I’m not sure if this is anxiety because I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else in the meantime, I just physically miss him a lot.

The fact that your coping with being alone involves other men is just not good. You actually want a relationship? Distracting with potential interests is just about the worst thing you can do. How.wpuld you feel if you found out he had done the same thing?

Well, if he wanted to see me often and I was available only once a week, I wouldn’t be surprised if he started seeing someone else who better meets his needs. We are obviously seeing each other more than once a week, but there is no specific rhythm, it’s too chaotic for me.

You're not ready to be in a relationship. And you're doing this when he's sick?

This comes across like you throwing a bit of a tantrum when you don't get attention. Not good.

He got sick yesterday. I just asked him if he wants me to come and bring him anything and he said: “Thanks baby but I don’t need anything right now.”

[Anonymous]

You lack individuality and until you work on yourself you won't be able to have a good relationship. Why because you are going to suffocate any person you are with or hurt the relationship by going out and seeking other mens attention.

You sound very insecure and need the validation of having a males attention.