How to handle separation from a man I’m attached to?

[Anonymous]

He’s sick and just told you yesterday! how could he possibly know when he will be better?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he needs space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need therapy to figure out why you're so needy. This is not good. Why do you hate spending time by yourself?

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But then she will need another boyfriend tomorrow because she cannot imagine the pain of spending a night alone with herself and doesn't seem to have any other hobbies or friends. OP is there anything at all you enjoy doing that doesn't involve needing a man's attention?

I moved to a different city after I separated from DH. I have a lot of friends and talk with them daily but none of them are in this city.

Another man that I used as a distraction has a ton of friends here because he founded a Meetup group a while ago and brought over 200 people together that way. They have activities daily, and he wants me to join them at any time. But I shouldn’t go because he is there and that would be cheating on a boyfriend that doesn’t even want to see me now, right?

There is a difference between meeting up with a male friend in a group setting and passionately kissing a guy you've been texting with. Do you see that? You really sound like a very emotional teenager.

Well, yes, I met him in a group setting two weeks ago and he walked me to my car (very kind of him, it was late and dark) and then he kissed me. So now I can’t see him and his friends and need to find other people to spend time with.

I’m a people person and was so tired of the unfulfilling marriage and really wanted to build a good relationship. But maybe many of the PPs are right and I’m not capable of any healthy relationship and should actually just hang out with another man and his friends and not commit to anything serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s sick and just told you yesterday! how could he possibly know when he will be better?

The issue didn’t start yesterday, it’s just a continuation of a pattern when I don’t know when I’ll see him again. If a person gets a cold, do they normally not see their loved ones until they fully recover? I just had a cold too, it was super minor, just a runny nose for a couple of days.

[Anonymous]

Rule #1, stop bragging about your affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But then she will need another boyfriend tomorrow because she cannot imagine the pain of spending a night alone with herself and doesn't seem to have any other hobbies or friends. OP is there anything at all you enjoy doing that doesn't involve needing a man's attention?

I moved to a different city after I separated from DH. I have a lot of friends and talk with them daily but none of them are in this city.

Another man that I used as a distraction has a ton of friends here because he founded a Meetup group a while ago and brought over 200 people together that way. They have activities daily, and he wants me to join them at any time. But I shouldn’t go because he is there and that would be cheating on a boyfriend that doesn’t even want to see me now, right?

There is a difference between meeting up with a male friend in a group setting and passionately kissing a guy you've been texting with. Do you see that? You really sound like a very emotional teenager.

Well, yes, I met him in a group setting two weeks ago and he walked me to my car (very kind of him, it was late and dark) and then he kissed me. So now I can’t see him and his friends and need to find other people to spend time with.

I’m a people person and was so tired of the unfulfilling marriage and really wanted to build a good relationship. But maybe many of the PPs are right and I’m not capable of any healthy relationship and should actually just hang out with another man and his friends and not commit to anything serious.

Your ex-husband is lucky you are leaving. You are a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But then she will need another boyfriend tomorrow because she cannot imagine the pain of spending a night alone with herself and doesn't seem to have any other hobbies or friends. OP is there anything at all you enjoy doing that doesn't involve needing a man's attention?

I moved to a different city after I separated from DH. I have a lot of friends and talk with them daily but none of them are in this city.

Another man that I used as a distraction has a ton of friends here because he founded a Meetup group a while ago and brought over 200 people together that way. They have activities daily, and he wants me to join them at any time. But I shouldn’t go because he is there and that would be cheating on a boyfriend that doesn’t even want to see me now, right?

There is a difference between meeting up with a male friend in a group setting and passionately kissing a guy you've been texting with. Do you see that? You really sound like a very emotional teenager.

Well, yes, I met him in a group setting two weeks ago and he walked me to my car (very kind of him, it was late and dark) and then he kissed me. So now I can’t see him and his friends and need to find other people to spend time with.

I’m a people person and was so tired of the unfulfilling marriage and really wanted to build a good relationship. But maybe many of the PPs are right and I’m not capable of any healthy relationship and should actually just hang out with another man and his friends and not commit to anything serious.

Your ex-husband is lucky you are leaving. You are a piece of work.

He really hopes I’ll come back though, but I want him to meet a woman who will love him. I’m encouraging him to date but he probably doesn’t. He is a catch - now lives in a house by himself, while I rent a studio in a city where I barely know anyone.

[Anonymous]

To be honest this reminds me of my sister when she's in a manic phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This screams BPD

+1 I was thinking the same thing. Borderlines make aggressive efforts to avoid abandonment, have a poor sense of self, and have issues with object permanency (where if you can’t physically see the person it’s as if they don’t exist). I would recommend therapy, stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you told him?

Well, at first I wasn’t sure what’s happening, how often he wants us to see each other, and didn’t want to appear needy. I ended up seeing another man 3 times in between my dates with the boyfriend. The first two were very innocent - met for breakfast at a busy place and went to a movie in the evening. The 3rd one was at a bar concert with a group of friends, and when he walked me back to my car, he kissed me very passionately and made me realize how much I prefer my boyfriend to any other man at this moment.

On week 4 during the withdrawal stage (last week) I cried for several hours and couldn’t work and took a walk with a friend and then spoke with my boyfriend over the phone in the evening. I obviously don’t want to tell him about another man but told him that I don’t handle separation well and he said: “Come over tomorrow, we’ll work together”. Then since last Thursday to Monday we saw each other daily and it felt good, but this week I haven’t seen him since Monday.

OP, that ship has sailed so far it is docking in Marseilles. You don't appear needy, you *are* needy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you told him?

Well, at first I wasn’t sure what’s happening, how often he wants us to see each other, and didn’t want to appear needy. I ended up seeing another man 3 times in between my dates with the boyfriend. The first two were very innocent - met for breakfast at a busy place and went to a movie in the evening. The 3rd one was at a bar concert with a group of friends, and when he walked me back to my car, he kissed me very passionately and made me realize how much I prefer my boyfriend to any other man at this moment.

On week 4 during the withdrawal stage (last week) I cried for several hours and couldn’t work and took a walk with a friend and then spoke with my boyfriend over the phone in the evening. I obviously don’t want to tell him about another man but told him that I don’t handle separation well and he said: “Come over tomorrow, we’ll work together”. Then since last Thursday to Monday we saw each other daily and it felt good, but this week I haven’t seen him since Monday.

OP, that ship has sailed so far it is docking in Marseilles. You don't appear needy, you *are* needy.

I am, but I also share my love in abundance, and he seems to enjoy that. He just texted saying that he took the afternoon off and is feeling better and misses me and wants me to come over. I’ll see him very soon, that poor man - doesn’t know who he is dealing with 😄

[Anonymous]

You sound needy and high maintenance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

He is into you enough not to have you come over with him having diarrhea in the bathroom or puking. Sounds like a keeper to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest this reminds me of my sister when she's in a manic phase.

Yes.