Friends husband touched my butt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

She said top of butt, not lower back. And that she felt him turn his hand to touch her with his palm as it happened. Not a graze, not an accident. But you reallllllly want her to let it go, for reasons that have nothing to do with feeling entitled to plausible deniability when you cop a feel, I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

If this ever happens again, call out loudly in the moment - "hey, that was my butt you just touched!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, he brushed past me and I felt his hand graze over the top of my butt, from left to right. I would have thought it was a mistake or a very light touch to just say “excuse me, right behind you”, but there was no excuse or apology. I always say excuse me if I’m passing someone or I accidentally graze them.

In other words he squeezed by you, and brushed up against you as people do in crowded situations. That’s not "groping" or "grabbing your butt" and you know it. I’d laugh if you mentioned it to me. You’re delusional.

I bet this guy could manage not to squeeze by and accidentally graze OP'S husband's butt or groin, somehow.

+ 1 MILLION

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was counting on your shock being your silence. Some men get off on making women uncomfortable, and groping one of his wife’s friends definitely qualifies.

I’m sorry op. I wouldn’t want to hang out with him anymore, and it’s unfortunately likely only the tip of the iceberg.

Groping??? Brushing by a woman in a tight dress is hardly groping!

If his hand smoothly cupped over her buttock - yes it is groping. Most men I know will go out of their way to NOT touch you in a crowded place by holding their hands up or something. Because -- groping women is gross.

But that isn't at all what happened here.

That's how I read it, but I see how you could interpret it differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

She said top of butt, not lower back. And that she felt him turn his hand to touch her with his palm as it happened. Not a graze, not an accident. But you reallllllly want her to let it go, for reasons that have nothing to do with feeling entitled to plausible deniability when you cop a feel, I'm sure.

PP you replied to. I'm a woman. I've been sexually assaulted. OP's description sounds nothing like an intentional touching. It sounds entirely accidental.

This thread is the stereotype of mob mentality. Just because a few posters yesterday bayed about sexual assault, you all now want to pile on, thinking it's what you should be doing. It's not. Re-read OP's descriptions and doubts again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

Yeah im sure the dude is just a butterfingers squeezing through small spaces. Bet he accidentally grazes his male friends junk all the time. No? Just women?

ha ha, EXACTLY. My husband has never been like, OMG, Mark just groped me! No. Men CAN avoid it and DO avoid it. Until they want to grope somebody's butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m letting it go! I don’t think it was a big deal, DCUM helped me process it rather than go and talk to my friend or anything about it. It’s all good. I appreciate the responses!!

Don’t dismiss your gut instinct. You don’t need to make a scene but be cautious around this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

She said top of butt, not lower back. And that she felt him turn his hand to touch her with his palm as it happened. Not a graze, not an accident. But you reallllllly want her to let it go, for reasons that have nothing to do with feeling entitled to plausible deniability when you cop a feel, I'm sure.

PP you replied to. I'm a woman. I've been sexually assaulted. OP's description sounds nothing like an intentional touching. It sounds entirely accidental.

This thread is the stereotype of mob mentality. Just because a few posters yesterday bayed about sexual assault, you all now want to pile on, thinking it's what you should be doing. It's not. Re-read OP's descriptions and doubts again.

I did reread her descriptions before I replied to you, and you are mischaracterizing what happened. OP never said he touched her lower back or any part of of her back. She said he turned his hand to run it across the top of her butt as he walked behind her. You are running with the intentionally belittling recharacterization by some "you're not hot enough to be assaulted" responder to her actual description. If you're not doing this intentionally, your conditioning was top notch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should women suffer in silence? Why are they not allowed to speak up? Why should she have to continue to socialize with this man if she doesn't want to? Why isn't she allowed to have agency? (Of course they will socialize again if she doesn't say anything - there would be no reason not to).

All the posts saying OP, you need to just be quiet, tell no one, carry on. Keep it to yourself and take whatever happens to you.

I completely disagree. Completely. Women do not have to keep things that make them uncomfortable a secret. She doesn't need to cater to this man. She is allowed to have a voice and do as she wishes about the situation. Women are allowed to speak up

It's a feature of rape culture, not a bug. Sexual predators, but really all men, benefit from a culture that discourages women speaking up. Men can (and do) immediately dismiss this out of hand with "never happened!" because they get to tell women to shut up and stop thinking they're hot enough to be assaulted while also hiding behind "if this *really* happened all the time, I'd hear about it." This is also why they hate "gossip" - historically women warning each other about men was considered much worse than whatever behavior was being warned about.

OP, I'm not sure it would do much good to tell your friend, but I would 100% tell your husband. Story time: a little while ago a man in my husband's family groped his own cousin's breast while they were alone. She told her father and it went around the family and it was INSANE how many of the older generation said she was a liar or wanted his money (??? he's broke as far as I know, I guess they've just got lines burned into their brains from repeating the "never happened" comment crowd when it's a celebrity), or she shouldn't embarrass him by telling people because *even if* it happened, nothing *really bad* happened, so why kick up a fuss? DH told me about it from the point of view of "I have a hard time believing Larlo would do that" and I told him I'd always gotten an iffy vibe from the guy, but had nothing concrete to report. Then another cousin's wife (married in, like me) told me that this guy had grabbed her butt while posing for a picture and she was so upset that she told her husband, they left the party, and avoided socializing with him. And *THEN* it came out that he'd had to leave a previous job due to sexually inappropriate behavior there.

But he got to float along with an impeccable reputation in the eyes of his family and was absolutely showered with benefit of the doubt, while she was called a liar and gold digger and probably a drunk who wished something like that would happen to her, because every step of the way, not making waves and not gossiping and not speaking up were prioritized. Her behavior -- telling people this happened -- was scandalous. To this day there are some aunts that don't invite her to large family gatherings because she might "make it awkward."

Thank you!

All the people excusing sexual assault are just perpetuating and emboldening rape culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

No. Creepy and predatory men use the “accident” when it is clearly not. The same men who say “it’s just a joke” when their nasty comments don’t land. Stop excusing pervs and dangerous men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

Yeah im sure the dude is just a butterfingers squeezing through small spaces. Bet he accidentally grazes his male friends junk all the time. No? Just women?

ha ha, EXACTLY. My husband has never been like, OMG, Mark just groped me! No. Men CAN avoid it and DO avoid it. Until they want to grope somebody's butt.

Exactly! Is he accidentally touching his male boss at work? Did he accidentally touch other men at this party? Or did he see an opportunity to put his hands on a woman he expected to be too shocked to speak up?

It’s so transparent and it’s really sad to see people trying to justify assault gaslight op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

She said top of butt, not lower back. And that she felt him turn his hand to touch her with his palm as it happened. Not a graze, not an accident. But you reallllllly want her to let it go, for reasons that have nothing to do with feeling entitled to plausible deniability when you cop a feel, I'm sure.

PP you replied to. I'm a woman. I've been sexually assaulted. OP's description sounds nothing like an intentional touching. It sounds entirely accidental.

This thread is the stereotype of mob mentality. Just because a few posters yesterday bayed about sexual assault, you all now want to pile on, thinking it's what you should be doing. It's not. Re-read OP's descriptions and doubts again.

I did reread her descriptions before I replied to you, and you are mischaracterizing what happened. OP never said he touched her lower back or any part of of her back. She said he turned his hand to run it across the top of her butt as he walked behind her. You are running with the intentionally belittling recharacterization by some "you're not hot enough to be assaulted" responder to her actual description. If you're not doing this intentionally, your conditioning was top notch.

+1
Quite a few women with internalized misogyny.
Assault isn’t a compliment. Men assault children, dead bodies, animals etc. it’s NOT a compliment.

[Anonymous]

DH here: IMO, zero chance it was accidental. If I accidentally touched a woman’s butt in that way, I’d be mortified and immediately apologize to defuse the situation. Most likely this was an “accidentally on purpose” kind of deal; but I’m not sure there is much more you can do than avoid him in the future. People like this tend to be very well calibrated in terms of how far they can push the envelope without making it easy for people to call them out, he will no doubt respond with something like “OMG, i had no idea and totally didn’t mean to, just making my way through a crowded place, so sorry, etc. etc.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m letting it go! I don’t think it was a big deal, DCUM helped me process it rather than go and talk to my friend or anything about it. It’s all good. I appreciate the responses!!

Np At the very least tell your husband. It is a big deal because deep down you know he assaulted you. I would not want to be around him in the future. He was testing the waters and you didn't react so he might take it further

[Anonymous]

Dude knew what he was doing and was testing the waters. It’s not point confronting directly because he’ll pretend he doesn’t understand what you’re talking about, it was an accident, yada yada and turn the tables on you to make you look crazy. Make sure you’re never alone with him again and tell your husband so that there’s a record.