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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Why should women suffer in silence? Why are they not allowed to speak up?[/b] Why should she have to continue to socialize with this man if she doesn't want to? Why isn't she allowed to have agency? (Of course they will socialize again if she doesn't say anything - there would be no reason not to).

All the posts saying OP, you need to just be quiet, tell no one, carry on. Keep it to yourself and take whatever happens to you.

I completely disagree. Completely. Women do not have to keep things that make them uncomfortable a secret. She doesn't need to cater to this man. She is allowed to have a voice and do as she wishes about the situation. Women are allowed to speak up[/quote]

It's a feature of rape culture, not a bug.  Sexual predators, but really all men, benefit from a culture that discourages women speaking up.  Men can (and do) immediately dismiss this out of hand with "never happened!" because they get to tell women to shut up and stop thinking they're hot enough to be assaulted while also hiding behind "if this *really* happened all the time, I'd hear about it."  This is also why they hate "gossip" - historically women warning each other about men was considered much worse than whatever behavior was being warned about.

OP, I'm not sure it would do much good to tell your friend, but I would 100% tell your husband.  Story time: a little while ago a man in my husband's family groped his own cousin's breast while they were alone.  She told her father and it went around the family and it was INSANE how many of the older generation said she was a liar or wanted his money (??? he's broke as far as I know, I guess they've just got lines burned into their brains from repeating the "never happened" comment crowd when it's a celebrity), or she shouldn't embarrass him by telling people because *even if* it happened, nothing *really bad* happened, so why kick up a fuss?  DH told me about it from the point of view of "I have a hard time believing Larlo would do that" and I told him I'd always gotten an iffy vibe from the guy, but had nothing concrete to report.  Then another cousin's wife (married in, like me) told me that this guy had grabbed her butt while posing for a picture and she was so upset that she told her husband, they left the party, and avoided socializing with him.  And *THEN* it came out that he'd had to leave a previous job due to sexually inappropriate behavior there.

But he got to float along with an impeccable reputation in the eyes of his family and was absolutely showered with benefit of the doubt, while she was called a liar and gold digger and probably a drunk who wished something like that would happen to her, because every step of the way, not making waves and not gossiping and not speaking up were prioritized.  Her behavior -- telling people this happened -- was scandalous.  To this day there are some aunts that don't invite her to large family gatherings because she might "make it awkward."  [/quote]
Thank you!

All the people excusing sexual assault are just perpetuating and emboldening rape culture. [/quote]

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