Friends husband touched my butt

[Anonymous]

Next time, give him a sharp whack and then say “I’m so sorry—it is a reflex whenever my behind is touched. I am sure you didn’t mean anything by it; I just can’t help it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:***Always assume it's an accident unless it happens more than once with the same person.***

I've brushed by people without meaning too, and without excusing myself, because sometimes an excuse just seems even more awkward, or they're talking to someone and I don't want to interrupt and have a group know about my silly brush. I've had many people brush past me and inadvertently touch my behind, etc.

I was assaulted on the metro as a preteen and I can assure you it felt very different.

OP here, I’m so sorry to hear about your assault, that’s awful. I am taking your first point of advice and am going to brush it off for now.

Brush it off? That man should be stopped and locked up. This was sexual assault. By being silent, you are not protecting other victims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last night at a party, my friends husband was passing by me and I felt his hand turn to the side and graze over my butt as he passed by me. He didn’t say “sorry!” Or excuse me, it was similar to a butt grab that my husband does in the kitchen or something when he wants to touch me discreetly, kind of a discreet little grab rather than an accidental passing by.

Am I reading too much into it? I was a bit shocked and didn’t say anything.

Was it in the kitchen? There is a thread here where posters said they enjoy when their husbands unexpectedly grab their butts in the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:***Always assume it's an accident unless it happens more than once with the same person.***

I've brushed by people without meaning too, and without excusing myself, because sometimes an excuse just seems even more awkward, or they're talking to someone and I don't want to interrupt and have a group know about my silly brush. I've had many people brush past me and inadvertently touch my behind, etc.

I was assaulted on the metro as a preteen and I can assure you it felt very different.

OP here, I’m so sorry to hear about your assault, that’s awful. I am taking your first point of advice and am going to brush it off for now.

Brush it off? That man should be stopped and locked up. This was sexual assault. By being silent, you are not protecting other victims.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

If one of my friend’s husbands grazed my butt in passing, I would assume it was an accident. Was there something about this person that alerted you to think it was purposeful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s SA to me.
I’d tell the friend and report him.

+1
You should report it. He certainly did it to other women.
Tell your husband.

[Anonymous]

There was a Golden Girls episode about this, Blanche telling Dorothy about the incident went just as you all described here.

[Anonymous]

He was testing the water.

I’d tell my husband & keep your distance moving forward.

If you tell your friend prepare for that friendship to be over, weird or strained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was counting on your shock being your silence. Some men get off on making women uncomfortable, and groping one of his wife’s friends definitely qualifies.

I’m sorry op. I wouldn’t want to hang out with him anymore, and it’s unfortunately likely only the tip of the iceberg.

Groping??? Brushing by a woman in a tight dress is hardly groping!

If his hand smoothly cupped over her buttock - yes it is groping. Most men I know will go out of their way to NOT touch you in a crowded place by holding their hands up or something. Because -- groping women is gross.

[Anonymous]

I have read any responses but you sound dramatic. If that happened to me I'd either have made a crack at the guy or figured it was an accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be sending him the vibes that made him feel okay to touch your butt

I would keep my distance from that man. I wouldn’t mention this to my friend unless you intend to lose her. She might have an even more ignorant view than the one posted above and try to blame you.

I would mention this to my own DH though to make sure someone has my back.

She should tell the friend. Obviously the aren't going to keep hanging out with handsy husband so friend deserves to know why. Also, I would want to know if my husband was going around grabbing my friends' butts. I would want Op to tell me.

ONE TIME this guy GRAZED her, not groped her. You people need to relax.

- a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was counting on your shock being your silence. Some men get off on making women uncomfortable, and groping one of his wife’s friends definitely qualifies.

I’m sorry op. I wouldn’t want to hang out with him anymore, and it’s unfortunately likely only the tip of the iceberg.

+1

So sorry, what a bad situation. Especially frustrating because as another poster noted, in theory there is still *some* very very small chance that it was an accident, but this seems less likely, and you're now in the awful position of being left to question the encounter and hold onto this uncomfortable information on your own. Whatever happened was absolutely not your fault.

It may be worth gently sussing out among other friends in the shared friend group if this has happened to them, too, or if they have noted any inappropriate behavior from him. Men who do this tend to feel entitled to women's bodies - when I was in a similar situation and silently stressing over a situation where I had been groped, I learned later that several other women had had similar encounters with the person in question.

Do you really think OP was groped? He didn't grab her butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, he brushed past me and I felt his hand graze over the top of my butt, from left to right. I would have thought it was a mistake or a very light touch to just say “excuse me, right behind you”, but there was no excuse or apology. I always say excuse me if I’m passing someone or I accidentally graze them.

The top of your butt so...your lower back?

Had you been drinking? Had he? I could easily see a situation where someone squeezed past and misjudged the distance/height and something like that happened on accident. He may have also said something to you and you didn't hear it or he didn't say anything because he didn't think it was a big deal or didn't want to interrupt your conversation.

How old are you? Have you ever gotten bad vibes from this guy before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be sending him the vibes that made him feel okay to touch your butt

I would keep my distance from that man. I wouldn’t mention this to my friend unless you intend to lose her. She might have an even more ignorant view than the one posted above and try to blame you.

I would mention this to my own DH though to make sure someone has my back.

She should tell the friend. Obviously the aren't going to keep hanging out with handsy husband so friend deserves to know why. Also, I would want to know if my husband was going around grabbing my friends' butts. I would want Op to tell me.

Op I’m circling back to warn you strongly not to say anything about this to your friend. She will be embarrassed and blame you or she will outright blame you and she will distance herself from you to keep her husband. That won’t end well it never does. Remember women are always wrong and men are blameless or forgiven.

+++ Even if this is a good friend, her family will come first and she may go on a subtle campaign against you. Don't tell her, and don't tell your husband and don't tell any other girlfriends. Avoid him, make distance, never be alone with him and avoid drinking events with the couple.

Huh, it just occurred to me this could be the answer to so many "why did my friend fade out on me" posts. But wondering why you think she shouldn't tell her DH.

I'll admit for purposes of this post that I watch the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives but this is so Demi - she went and told her husband that Mason "laid hands on her" and then Brett went and practically beat him up. The incident was literally caught on film and her explanation of the situation was incorrect and then Brett's reaction was ridiculous and the whole thing was blown out of proportion. Anyway, if OP is as dramatic as she sounds and her husband is the same, then if OP told her husband I'm sure it would be a huge deal, all for nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should women suffer in silence? Why are they not allowed to speak up? Why should she have to continue to socialize with this man if she doesn't want to? Why isn't she allowed to have agency? (Of course they will socialize again if she doesn't say anything - there would be no reason not to).

All the posts saying OP, you need to just be quiet, tell no one, carry on. Keep it to yourself and take whatever happens to you.

I completely disagree. Completely. Women do not have to keep things that make them uncomfortable a secret. She doesn't need to cater to this man. She is allowed to have a voice and do as she wishes about the situation. Women are allowed to speak up

Of course they are. OP is welcome to tell everyone about the "incident." It just sounds like she's making a mountain out of a molehill but if she's uncomfortable then be all means, gather everyone who was at the party and explain to them exactly what happened and how you'll be filing charges against the man.