Friends husband touched my butt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dude knew what he was doing and was testing the waters. It’s not point confronting directly because he’ll pretend he doesn’t understand what you’re talking about, it was an accident, yada yada and turn the tables on you to make you look crazy. Make sure you’re never alone with him again and tell your husband so that there’s a record.

100%
Look at all the pps who even used this excuse!

[Anonymous]

Do you have a nice butt?

[Anonymous]

Creeps like this guy need a comeuppance. Next time you you see him, wait until nobody is looking & grab his groin like your life depended on it & say “How do YOU like it?”

That’ll show him.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you were drunk and it was your husband who grabbed you - as he sometimes does. Can you recall?

[Anonymous]

Op, I’d tell your husband. Not your friend. Sounds like one of those situations where he did something somewhere that you wouldn’t be able to be sure what he was doing, and it’s going exactly as he intended.

Tell your husband and just stay away from him at future events or avoid him altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be sending him the vibes that made him feel okay to touch your butt

I would keep my distance from that man. I wouldn’t mention this to my friend unless you intend to lose her. She might have an even more ignorant view than the one posted above and try to blame you.

I would mention this to my own DH though to make sure someone has my back.

She should tell the friend. Obviously the aren't going to keep hanging out with handsy husband so friend deserves to know why. Also, I would want to know if my husband was going around grabbing my friends' butts. I would want Op to tell me.

Op I’m circling back to warn you strongly not to say anything about this to your friend. She will be embarrassed and blame you or she will outright blame you and she will distance herself from you to keep her husband. That won’t end well it never does. Remember women are always wrong and men are blameless or forgiven.

i was visiting brother and his wife once, and one of my cousins was visiting with her husband. I went to give her a hug and kiss on the check and i was a little nervous and not looking and she moved and I kissed her ear. She acted a little weird and I didnt what to say so said nothing.

weird interaction but never saw them again . so didnt matter

[Anonymous]

Grab him next time to feed your dominance - in a way clearly marking power

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s SA to me.
I’d tell the friend and report him.

This sound crazy to me. OP is supposed to file a sexual assault report with the police because her friend's husband's hand grazed her butt and it may have been done on purpose -- but maybe not.

OP - If you've been friends with this couple for a while and this is an isolated incident, as I infer from your post, I would give the husband the benefit of the doubt. After this, I'd be on guard. Should there be another incident, it's a different story.

P.S. In case it matters, I'm a woman.

This is quite literally the definition of SA. Attitudes like this are why victims often don’t get proper justice. Benefit of the doubt? What?

Reporting a potentially ambiguous encounter to the police when OP literally said it could have been an accident is NOT why victims of sexual assault don’t get justice. Intentional, unambiguous groping is SA. Something short of that may or may not be, and it’s certainly not something the police would do a thing about if OP literally can’t say it was intentional. Take a breath. Signed a female sex crimes prosecutor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’d tell your husband. Not your friend. Sounds like one of those situations where he did something somewhere that you wouldn’t be able to be sure what he was doing, and it’s going exactly as he intended.

Tell your husband and just stay away from him at future events or avoid him altogether.

This. 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here: IMO, zero chance it was accidental. If I accidentally touched a woman’s butt in that way, I’d be mortified and immediately apologize to defuse the situation. Most likely this was an “accidentally on purpose” kind of deal; but I’m not sure there is much more you can do than avoid him in the future. People like this tend to be very well calibrated in terms of how far they can push the envelope without making it easy for people to call them out, he will no doubt respond with something like “OMG, i had no idea and totally didn’t mean to, just making my way through a crowded place, so sorry, etc. etc.”

What makes you so sure you would know if you touched a butt, back, side, or something else? Particularly if it was the side/outside of your hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

Yeah im sure the dude is just a butterfingers squeezing through small spaces. Bet he accidentally grazes his male friends junk all the time. No? Just women?

ha ha, EXACTLY. My husband has never been like, OMG, Mark just groped me! No. Men CAN avoid it and DO avoid it. Until they want to grope somebody's butt.

Exactly! Is he accidentally touching his male boss at work? Did he accidentally touch other men at this party? Or did he see an opportunity to put his hands on a woman he expected to be too shocked to speak up?

It’s so transparent and it’s really sad to see people trying to justify assault gaslight op.

Uhh, it absolutely happens between guys. e.g., on a crowded metro train or walking through a crowded bar. Most people wouldn't think anything of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be sending him the vibes that made him feel okay to touch your butt

I would keep my distance from that man. I wouldn’t mention this to my friend unless you intend to lose her. She might have an even more ignorant view than the one posted above and try to blame you.

I would mention this to my own DH though to make sure someone has my back.

She should tell the friend. Obviously the aren't going to keep hanging out with handsy husband so friend deserves to know why. Also, I would want to know if my husband was going around grabbing my friends' butts. I would want Op to tell me.

Op I’m circling back to warn you strongly not to say anything about this to your friend. She will be embarrassed and blame you or she will outright blame you and she will distance herself from you to keep her husband. That won’t end well it never does. Remember women are always wrong and men are blameless or forgiven.

It turns out people are nervous to be around others who are quick to SA accusations. Understandably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

Yeah im sure the dude is just a butterfingers squeezing through small spaces. Bet he accidentally grazes his male friends junk all the time. No? Just women?

ha ha, EXACTLY. My husband has never been like, OMG, Mark just groped me! No. Men CAN avoid it and DO avoid it. Until they want to grope somebody's butt.

Exactly! Is he accidentally touching his male boss at work? Did he accidentally touch other men at this party? Or did he see an opportunity to put his hands on a woman he expected to be too shocked to speak up?

It’s so transparent and it’s really sad to see people trying to justify assault gaslight op.

Uhh, it absolutely happens between guys. e.g., on a crowded metro train or walking through a crowded bar. Most people wouldn't think anything of it.

Guys will joke about it, too. After an accidental grazing or contact, they’ll be like “Sorry, Steve, you’re going to have to buy me dinner first!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here: IMO, zero chance it was accidental. If I accidentally touched a woman’s butt in that way, I’d be mortified and immediately apologize to defuse the situation. Most likely this was an “accidentally on purpose” kind of deal; but I’m not sure there is much more you can do than avoid him in the future. People like this tend to be very well calibrated in terms of how far they can push the envelope without making it easy for people to call them out, he will no doubt respond with something like “OMG, i had no idea and totally didn’t mean to, just making my way through a crowded place, so sorry, etc. etc.”

What makes you so sure you would know if you touched a butt, back, side, or something else? Particularly if it was the side/outside of your hand.

Not a man, are you? You’re basically always aware/noticing when you’re in close proximity to a woman like that. And it if was enough for her to notice and react in this manner, he noticed as well. As Oliver Wendell Holmes once (supposedly) said, “Even a dog knows the difference between being tripped over and being kicked.” My hypothesis is that if it were truly inadvertent/accidental, OP might not have even registered it at all or would promptly have dismissed it. You can tell when someone innocently just brushes by you vs. when there is some intent.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you have a GREAT A$$!