Friends husband touched my butt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s SA to me.
I’d tell the friend and report him.

It may be to you but it's not to the Commonwealth of Virginia.

[Anonymous]

When a mom friend's DH did that, I was done with them. Unfortunate because I liked the mom, but not gonna deal with that. Not going to make an issue about it, mainly for the sake of the mom and DC's friend, but done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:***Always assume it's an accident unless it happens more than once with the same person.***

I've brushed by people without meaning too, and without excusing myself, because sometimes an excuse just seems even more awkward, or they're talking to someone and I don't want to interrupt and have a group know about my silly brush. I've had many people brush past me and inadvertently touch my behind, etc.

I was assaulted on the metro as a preteen and I can assure you it felt very different.

OP here, I’m so sorry to hear about your assault, that’s awful. I am taking your first point of advice and am going to brush it off for now.

Brush it off? That man should be stopped and locked up. This was sexual assault. By being silent, you are not protecting other victims.

No, it was not. You people are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was counting on your shock being your silence. Some men get off on making women uncomfortable, and groping one of his wife’s friends definitely qualifies.

I’m sorry op. I wouldn’t want to hang out with him anymore, and it’s unfortunately likely only the tip of the iceberg.

Groping??? Brushing by a woman in a tight dress is hardly groping!

If his hand smoothly cupped over her buttock - yes it is groping. Most men I know will go out of their way to NOT touch you in a crowded place by holding their hands up or something. Because -- groping women is gross.

But that isn't at all what happened here.

[Anonymous]

So many creepy posters on this board. Hope they don't have daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should women suffer in silence? Why are they not allowed to speak up? Why should she have to continue to socialize with this man if she doesn't want to? Why isn't she allowed to have agency? (Of course they will socialize again if she doesn't say anything - there would be no reason not to).

All the posts saying OP, you need to just be quiet, tell no one, carry on. Keep it to yourself and take whatever happens to you.

I completely disagree. Completely. Women do not have to keep things that make them uncomfortable a secret. She doesn't need to cater to this man. She is allowed to have a voice and do as she wishes about the situation. Women are allowed to speak up

It's a feature of rape culture, not a bug. Sexual predators, but really all men, benefit from a culture that discourages women speaking up. Men can (and do) immediately dismiss this out of hand with "never happened!" because they get to tell women to shut up and stop thinking they're hot enough to be assaulted while also hiding behind "if this *really* happened all the time, I'd hear about it." This is also why they hate "gossip" - historically women warning each other about men was considered much worse than whatever behavior was being warned about.

OP, I'm not sure it would do much good to tell your friend, but I would 100% tell your husband. Story time: a little while ago a man in my husband's family groped his own cousin's breast while they were alone. She told her father and it went around the family and it was INSANE how many of the older generation said she was a liar or wanted his money (??? he's broke as far as I know, I guess they've just got lines burned into their brains from repeating the "never happened" comment crowd when it's a celebrity), or she shouldn't embarrass him by telling people because *even if* it happened, nothing *really bad* happened, so why kick up a fuss? DH told me about it from the point of view of "I have a hard time believing Larlo would do that" and I told him I'd always gotten an iffy vibe from the guy, but had nothing concrete to report. Then another cousin's wife (married in, like me) told me that this guy had grabbed her butt while posing for a picture and she was so upset that she told her husband, they left the party, and avoided socializing with him. And *THEN* it came out that he'd had to leave a previous job due to sexually inappropriate behavior there.

But he got to float along with an impeccable reputation in the eyes of his family and was absolutely showered with benefit of the doubt, while she was called a liar and gold digger and probably a drunk who wished something like that would happen to her, because every step of the way, not making waves and not gossiping and not speaking up were prioritized. Her behavior -- telling people this happened -- was scandalous. To this day there are some aunts that don't invite her to large family gatherings because she might "make it awkward."

[Anonymous]

I have been butt groped here and in Southern Europe.
Either the hand cups the butt, most often with palm facing up, or in the case of a "pinch" the butt is grabbed between the crack and curve.
A "brush" at the top with question of intent...just jump and say loudly don't touch my butt.

[Anonymous]

At the very least, he deserves a slap across the face. Make it a teachable moment for him and for everyone else. Don't put your hands near womens' asses, and you won't get smacked. I think its an important lesson for the other pervs and for women to not stew in silence.

I slapped the guy on the metro and cursed him out in front of everyone. At a party? I have no patience. I woulda embarrassed the sh out of him.

[Anonymous]

I would tell your husband and let DH confront him.

Men like this F around with women in ways they won’t with men.

[Anonymous]

You didn’t imagine anything, OP. Keep a wide berth around this guy. Tell your husband so he is aware. Unfortunately it’s unlikely any good will come out of informing your friend, though it might not be news to her that she’s married to a pig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the very least, he deserves a slap across the face. Make it a teachable moment for him and for everyone else. Don't put your hands near womens' asses, and you won't get smacked. I think its an important lesson for the other pervs and for women to not stew in silence.

I slapped the guy on the metro and cursed him out in front of everyone. At a party? I have no patience. I woulda embarrassed the sh out of him.

I was riding the subway in Europe once when a young woman suddenly held up a man’s wrist and started yelling “whose hand is this, I found this on my bottom”. The man made a hasty exit at the upcoming stop. I wish I had her guts.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m letting it go! I don’t think it was a big deal, DCUM helped me process it rather than go and talk to my friend or anything about it. It’s all good. I appreciate the responses!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the very least, he deserves a slap across the face. Make it a teachable moment for him and for everyone else. Don't put your hands near womens' asses, and you won't get smacked. I think its an important lesson for the other pervs and for women to not stew in silence.

I slapped the guy on the metro and cursed him out in front of everyone. At a party? I have no patience. I woulda embarrassed the sh out of him.

I was riding the subway in Europe once when a young woman suddenly held up a man’s wrist and started yelling “whose hand is this, I found this on my bottom”. The man made a hasty exit at the upcoming stop. I wish I had her guts.

love it. If it's in a public place, it's easier to do something like this. Hats off to that woman. She is standing up for all women everywhere. Take no sh!

[Anonymous]

A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
A bunch of posters ran with the sexual assault scenario when this clearly screams accident. The person probably didn't even notice he had touched OP's lower back. It's just not important.

You guys all need to come back down to earth.

Yeah im sure the dude is just a butterfingers squeezing through small spaces. Bet he accidentally grazes his male friends junk all the time. No? Just women?