Advice for Daughter Traveling with College BF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

Even with her own bedroom, there could still be situations for the boy to try to pressure her into s*x during this trip! You need to have “the talk” with her ahead of time. Its especially important for her to understand things, including birth control, how to use it, and of course consent.

FFS if they wanted to have sex;they’ve already done it!!

I went skiing with my BF’s family my sophomore year and they were more wealthy than mine. I brought a bottle of nice champagne for Christmas and a box of chocolates for his mom. They paid for everything, literally everything - even my ski rentals. They even loaned me a nicer ski outfit than I had. Mine was a hand me down when I got it a few years prior. They loaned me his sister’s last year’s outfit because she insisted on having a current one every season and we were about the same size.

We were already having sex at college - a lot of sex, like every night. So we had zero need to have sex in a house with his family. My parents and his had the same “not in my house mentality” and seemed to think we were both virgins. I let them think whatever. Don’t be naive to what is really happening.

Oh, and it was such a great trip! To bad that BF became an a$$hole about supporting my career aspirations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Candlesticks always make a nice gift

Candlesticks don’t always make a nice gift. Some people hate candles. Especially the scented ones. Bring chocolates - someone will end up eating them, or they open them up as dessert after dinner (just don’t eat them all yourself).

It’s a quiet from Bull Durham. Go rent it.

[Anonymous]

^quote not quite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should bring a hostess gift, a nice cookbook, chocolates, linen napkins, things like that. Her BF’s family will most likely pay for her lift tickets but it’s best not to assume and to offer to pay her own way.

Only small consumables or disposables! Ski lady of the house does not want your cookbook or non-disposable napkins. She's already had the multi million dollar place professionally decorated. I'm also 100% fine with a just a nice thank you note a week or two later. Of course we don't expect you to pay your own way. It's a very nice gesture to pick up a breakfast bagel order or buy a round of midday hot coffees and snacks on when we take a break on the mountain. In our case, it's always lovely when you spend some time with the younger siblings (playing a game at night type thing).

This! She should offer the parents (and adults) and evening out by watching all the little ones, playing games, and ordering a pizza - with her BF, of course. After all, his parents let him bring her.

My daughter had 2 friends come with us one year. One of the girls sent me a nice thank you note and some artisan jams - so nice. The other just said thank you. Both responses were welcome and totally appreciated. Really nothing more than a thank you is required.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, skiing is expensive. This is not like being invited to a beach house where your costs during the day will be minimal. Make sure your daughter can afford it. A ski trip with a free place to stay can easily cost more than a full (nice!) vacation somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Candlesticks always make a nice gift

Candlesticks don’t always make a nice gift. Some people hate candles. Especially the scented ones. Bring chocolates - someone will end up eating them, or they open them up as dessert after dinner (just don’t eat them all yourself).

It’s a quiet from Bull Durham. Go rent it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a sophomore and has been dating a nice young man since her 2nd semester. This will be her fast time traveling with him. She will be meeting his family and joining them at their ski house. We are nervous about this since her boyfriend is from a far more affluent background than we are - we have met him once and he is very likeable so hopefully his family will be as well. Should she bring a hostess gift for the mother? Also should she assume that she will be covering her own lift tickets, meals, and what not ? Really wanting this trip to go well for her.

I haven't read the entire thread, but I am sympathetic to this situation. But from the opposite side - boy dating a rich girl. And they go to Vail bc family and all that.

A basic lift ticket is more than $300 for one day at a place like Vail. If you have to rent equipment, add another $200. Food and whatnot, another $100. So it's $600 minimum per day just to go up and down the hill - as a guest of a family when presumably lodging is taken care of. So 5 days - $3000. That is nothing for a wealthy family, but it's a lot for a college kid that has to think about money. And he's just a guest. It's not like he's planning this vacation.

My kid decided F that. We can do snowshoeing and skating and explore the area. But it become clear he's not rolling with this family and this lifestyle - which was very much a private plane kind of world. They broke up. And now he is in a much more healthy relationship with a wonderful young woman who is MC/UMC. It's so much easier when people are living in the same world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should bring a hostess gift, a nice cookbook, chocolates, linen napkins, things like that. Her BF’s family will most likely pay for her lift tickets but it’s best not to assume and to offer to pay her own way.

Not linen napkins or a cookbook.

Don't bring anything that will be deemed junk to get rid of or something they might hate but feel obligated to set out.

Perishable treats, such as chocolates are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pack a box of contraceptives. Accident happens

What kind of heathens are you raising that they lack the self control to not get intimate on a weekend trip to meet the parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hope the BF and she will think alike and won't have the expectation of intimate time alone. His family should not feel uncomfortable.

This.

Basic manners folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to hostess gift. If she's from a different region of the country from them, maybe a hometown favorite candy. Flowers can also be nice assuming no allergies and a convenient place to buy them. Another nice thought might be a boardgame that the parents and young couple can play together - if there's one the parents won't have.

Unless these people are incredibly rich, I would not expect them to pay for lift tickets, rentals, and slopeside meals for a guest. (Unless they get guest passes for free with their house/condo.) Yes for an invited dinner out. I would assume that the invitation covers housing, meals at the house, and maybe a fancy dinner out.

I grew up solidly middle class, but if we invited someone anywhere, we paid for them. That's just the decent thing to do.

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pack a box of contraceptives. Accident happens

What kind of heathens are you raising that they lack the self control to not get intimate on a weekend trip to meet the parents?

Yeah, I can’t believe this. It’s her first time meeting his family. It would not make a great first impression if the parents hear, or worse, walk in on them having sex. I’m sure they would be careful, but surprises happen and just not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to hostess gift. If she's from a different region of the country from them, maybe a hometown favorite candy. Flowers can also be nice assuming no allergies and a convenient place to buy them. Another nice thought might be a boardgame that the parents and young couple can play together - if there's one the parents won't have.

Unless these people are incredibly rich, I would not expect them to pay for lift tickets, rentals, and slopeside meals for a guest. (Unless they get guest passes for free with their house/condo.) Yes for an invited dinner out. I would assume that the invitation covers housing, meals at the house, and maybe a fancy dinner out.

I grew up solidly middle class, but if we invited someone anywhere, we paid for them. That's just the decent thing to do.

Yes.

I’ve never heard of paying for someone else’s lift ticket and ski rental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean this kindly but I would rethink accepting this invitation. I would NOT think they would pay for her lift tickets. That's on her/you. It sounds like that's not in your budget.

Does she have skis and boots or does she need to rent those? Does she have a ski coat, gloves, helmet, goggles, etc?

Does she know how to ski? Is she any good? The BF and family are probably all expert skiers. No expert skier wants to spend all their time babysitting a novice on the bunny slopes.

I’d have to say no, too, or tell her she pays her own way.

[Anonymous]

We are of Chinese descent. We would never invite anyone to our house and expect them to pay hefty for entertainment or anything, or leave them out for group activities we initiate. That’s just inconsiderate and rude. I am appalled by this thread.