Advice for Daughter Traveling with College BF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to hostess gift. If she's from a different region of the country from them, maybe a hometown favorite candy. Flowers can also be nice assuming no allergies and a convenient place to buy them. Another nice thought might be a boardgame that the parents and young couple can play together - if there's one the parents won't have.

Unless these people are incredibly rich, I would not expect them to pay for lift tickets, rentals, and slopeside meals for a guest. (Unless they get guest passes for free with their house/condo.) Yes for an invited dinner out. I would assume that the invitation covers housing, meals at the house, and maybe a fancy dinner out.

I grew up solidly middle class, but if we invited someone anywhere, we paid for them. That's just the decent thing to do.

PP. I grew up faded WASP money and middle class. We hosted generously but did not provide pocket money. Lift tickets and slopeside meals are pocket money.

I suppose OP's daughter's boyfriend is really loaded but she shouldn't assume everything will be comped. Rich people weren't all born rich and people get different ideas as they grow up. The parents may be reviewing this young lady to make sure she's not a moocher. DCUM can't tell this from afar. It's best if she is able to offer to pay.

OP here. That’s our thinking. We’ll give her the money so that she can offer - just experiencing some sticker shock at how expensive the lift tickets are!

PP. Skiing can be an expensive hobby but there are ways to make it a little less expensive with passes and multi-day tickets.

She should ask her boyfriend how much to budget for lift tickets. Then he will likely clue her in on what his parents will do. It may be that he is planning to buy her lift tickets with his own credit card on the days they ski. Or, again, ma

[Anonymous]

Or again, maybe there are passes that come with the house.

[Anonymous]

She should offer to pay at dinner but they should refuse.

She should assume she is paying her lift tickets and ski rentals. If it's too much for her, she doesn't have to go every day.

[Anonymous]

She should clean up after herself. Promptly rinse and put her dishes in the dishwasher, etc.

She should keep her room tidy.

She should be very quiet in the morning and night if others are sleeping. She should not watch TV once others go to sleep. She should not turn on the tv or pick up the remote.

She should assume she is paying for ski rental and lift tickets. If they insist on paying, that's fine too.

If they go out for dinner, she should offer to pay her share, but they should wave her away if they have good manners.

Don't wear perfume, etc.

Bring a small gift that does not take up much room. They may not want to store or play a board game. Better option is something edible like a small box of chocolates or something small like a book they can put on a shelf.

[Anonymous]

Did you say you’re nervous about this? This is contrarian, but I would not bring a hostess gift. I would plan to pay for my own lift tickets and rentals. She should enjoy herself, make good chit-chat, have fun. Obviously be tidy and all the other common sense things that I’m sure your DD is well aware of. Frankly if it was my daughter, I wouldn’t give her any advice.

[Anonymous]

Definitely have her write a hand written TY note and send home after the trip on top of a TY text after they leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

Even with her own bedroom, there could still be situations for the boy to try to pressure her into s*x during this trip! You need to have “the talk” with her ahead of time. Its especially important for her to understand things, including birth control, how to use it, and of course consent.

They have already had sex you idiot

And if they haven’t she should already be in BC and OP should have already informed her about the birds and the bees

You are an idiot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you say you’re nervous about this? This is contrarian, but I would not bring a hostess gift. I would plan to pay for my own lift tickets and rentals. She should enjoy herself, make good chit-chat, have fun. Obviously be tidy and all the other common sense things that I’m sure your DD is well aware of. Frankly if it was my daughter, I wouldn’t give her any advice.

You wouldn’t have to nor would I as we raised intelligent women who by college know how to go on a trip with a man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

You know he is balls deep in her on the regular at school, right? Why make two consenting adults sleep separately just because they are under a different roof?

You seem too invested and like you want this to work out for her BECAUSE he is affluent.

How are her table manners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

Even with her own bedroom, there could still be situations for the boy to try to pressure her into s*x during this trip! You need to have “the talk” with her ahead of time. Its especially important for her to understand things, including birth control, how to use it, and of course consent.

You do know they bang like bunnies at school already, right pp?

[Anonymous]

I am the boys parents in this.

My boys have brought their long term GF ‘s to our home in Aspen. They have also brought roommates and friends . Girl friends are no different they are guests in our home and everyone is treated equally.

As for the separate bedrooms no that’s not a thing it’s up to my sons to make sure their gf is comfortable in our home and they can do either . I would not expect college aged people to sleep apart that’s their call. My sons know how to buy condoms. They aren’t children .

Yes she pays for skiing ie lifts and lunches and rental gear . If we happen to meet up with them for lunch then of course she’s our guest.
Dinners are usually at home everyone helps. If we go out yes we pay for everyone because we love that our children and their friends want to spend time with the old folks. It is our pleasure. Sometimes it’s an expensive place some times it’s burritos .

Just tell her to be herself a hostess gift is nice I get why people say that but not necessary a thank you note is necessary. Also necessary talking showing me she’s her own person and intelligent.

Sharing room or not they are having sex if you think they are not you are stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should clean up after herself. Promptly rinse and put her dishes in the dishwasher, etc.

She should keep her room tidy.

She should be very quiet in the morning and night if others are sleeping. She should not watch TV once others go to sleep. She should not turn on the tv or pick up the remote.

She should assume she is paying for ski rental and lift tickets. If they insist on paying, that's fine too.

If they go out for dinner, she should offer to pay her share, but they should wave her away if they have good manners.

Don't wear perfume, etc.

Bring a small gift that does not take up much room. They may not want to store or play a board game. Better option is something edible like a small box of chocolates or something small like a book they can put on a shelf.

Largely agree and think this is great though regarding helping in the kitchen, she should repeatedly ask how she can help but then ask how they like it done - everyone likes things done a bit differently so best to ask what they like.

I think the best answer is also to ask the boyfriend for a preview ahead of time. Decent chance he is clueless but doesn't hurt to ask. Hopefully he wants to set her up to succeed so will give some good advice.

Also agree on the gift - something small and perishable. One man's treasure is another man's trash - people don't want crap accumulating in their home, even if you think it is wonderful. But don't bring soaps or anything like that. Agree on chocolate or similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

You know he is balls deep in her on the regular at school, right? Why make two consenting adults sleep separately just because they are under a different roof?

You seem too invested and like you want this to work out for her BECAUSE he is affluent.

How are her table manners?

Just stop. You don’t know these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

Even with her own bedroom, there could still be situations for the boy to try to pressure her into s*x during this trip! You need to have “the talk” with her ahead of time. Its especially important for her to understand things, including birth control, how to use it, and of course consent.

A little late for that...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

Even with her own bedroom, there could still be situations for the boy to try to pressure her into s*x during this trip! You need to have “the talk” with her ahead of time. Its especially important for her to understand things, including birth control, how to use it, and of course consent.

She’s a sophomore in college. If you haven’t had this talk yet, you’ve failed as a parent. But if you haven’t then definitely have it.

What I would talked about is if things go wrong on the trip (they get in a fight, or the family makes her uncomfortable) and she wants to come home early, what she should do (call you).