Advice for Daughter Traveling with College BF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean this kindly but I would rethink accepting this invitation. I would NOT think they would pay for her lift tickets. That's on her/you. It sounds like that's not in your budget.

Does she have skis and boots or does she need to rent those? Does she have a ski coat, gloves, helmet, goggles, etc?

Does she know how to ski? Is she any good? The BF and family are probably all expert skiers. No expert skier wants to spend all their time babysitting a novice on the bunny slopes.

I second this. She should not be conceding power in the relationship: they will have more respect for her if she says, sorry, too expensive. The boyfriend will especially. Skiing is overrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve gotten some good advice. From experience with my own DD in a similar relationship with similar level of wealth — Just because they are rich don’t assume they are generous. Make sure she can pay her way if needed.

Of course OP should do that.

Why in the world should the other family pay just because they have money? That is absurd.

I would never expect any other family to pay for my kids vacation.

OP is looking for her kid to marry into a weathly family the boy should run.

Stop saying rude things about OP. She just wants to know what to expect and for her daughter not to appear poor or clueless. Totally understandable.

Ski vacations are a lot of money for people with even 90th %ile+ HH incomes. The development of the Epic Pass and Ikon Pass, etc. have helped a lot for people who can plan ahead BUT these passes are only for people who ski a lot AND there are blackout days at the major holidays. Because the holidays are the major profit opportunity for the resorts.

Being invited on a ski vacation at Christmas is more like being invited to the Superbowl or Eras concert and having to find your own ticket at last minute. Unless you get lucky, have a friend or a special deal, the price is steep.

It’s true that Epic passes are no longer for sale. It’s not true that the holidays are blacked out, they are just an upcharge. We bought 4 day Epic passes and had to pay an upcharge for access the last week of Dec and a second upcharge to make the passes valid at Vail and BC. In all I think they were 500-something a person bought a few months ago.

Thanks for the correction about upcharges. I might have been thinking about another pass for independent resorts. I keep looking at passes and the math never works. I tend to do 2-3 days skiing (over the big holidays) but not at the top tier resorts.

Anyway, OP, if your daughter gets into skiing, it can become cheaper with careful planning. But it's steep to jump right in on peak days. It is true that making online lift ticket purchases ahead can save money vs. walk up rates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should clean up after herself. Promptly rinse and put her dishes in the dishwasher, etc.

She should keep her room tidy.

She should be very quiet in the morning and night if others are sleeping. She should not watch TV once others go to sleep. She should not turn on the tv or pick up the remote.

She should assume she is paying for ski rental and lift tickets. If they insist on paying, that's fine too.

If they go out for dinner, she should offer to pay her share, but they should wave her away if they have good manners.

Don't wear perfume, etc.

Bring a small gift that does not take up much room. They may not want to store or play a board game. Better option is something edible like a small box of chocolates or something small like a book they can put on a shelf.

Spot on. All of this ^^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should clean up after herself. Promptly rinse and put her dishes in the dishwasher, etc.

She should keep her room tidy.

She should be very quiet in the morning and night if others are sleeping. She should not watch TV once others go to sleep. She should not turn on the tv or pick up the remote.

She should assume she is paying for ski rental and lift tickets. If they insist on paying, that's fine too.

If they go out for dinner, she should offer to pay her share, but they should wave her away if they have good manners.

Don't wear perfume, etc.

Bring a small gift that does not take up much room. They may not want to store or play a board game. Better option is something edible like a small box of chocolates or something small like a book they can put on a shelf.

Spot on. All of this ^^^

Will he have the same concerns when he visits? Don’t give this wealthy family power they don’t have or deserve. Just some friendly advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should clean up after herself. Promptly rinse and put her dishes in the dishwasher, etc.

She should keep her room tidy.

She should be very quiet in the morning and night if others are sleeping. She should not watch TV once others go to sleep. She should not turn on the tv or pick up the remote.

She should assume she is paying for ski rental and lift tickets. If they insist on paying, that's fine too.

If they go out for dinner, she should offer to pay her share, but they should wave her away if they have good manners.

Don't wear perfume, etc.

Bring a small gift that does not take up much room. They may not want to store or play a board game. Better option is something edible like a small box of chocolates or something small like a book they can put on a shelf.

Spot on. All of this ^^^

Will he have the same concerns when he visits? Don’t give this wealthy family power they don’t have or deserve. Just some friendly advice.

None of that has anything to do with wealth, just proper manners which can and should be taught at all income levels and of course he should behave the same at her house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should clean up after herself. Promptly rinse and put her dishes in the dishwasher, etc.

She should keep her room tidy.

She should be very quiet in the morning and night if others are sleeping. She should not watch TV once others go to sleep. She should not turn on the tv or pick up the remote.

She should assume she is paying for ski rental and lift tickets. If they insist on paying, that's fine too.

If they go out for dinner, she should offer to pay her share, but they should wave her away if they have good manners.

Don't wear perfume, etc.

Bring a small gift that does not take up much room. They may not want to store or play a board game. Better option is something edible like a small box of chocolates or something small like a book they can put on a shelf.

Spot on. All of this ^^^

Will he have the same concerns when he visits? Don’t give this wealthy family power they don’t have or deserve. Just some friendly advice.

None of that has anything to do with wealth, just proper manners which can and should be taught at all income levels and of course he should behave the same at her house!

If you think this has nothing to do with wealth, it just goes to show how stupid people — of all economic backgrounds — can be.

[Anonymous]

You guys keep saying the ski trip is super expensive. How much? $1000? $5000? I just paid $150 for a one day pass in a nice ski place in WV, how bad can it be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grew up going on ski trips with friends and taking friends and boyfriends on ski trips with my family and now we have a ski house in Jackson Hole. She should definitely plan on paying for her own lift tickets and rental gear, that’s not something I’ve ever heard of being covered and it’s picked up on your own time as the rest of the group will have gear and passes already. If it’s a popular resort she should book these ahead online, Jackson for example limits ticket sales at Xmas so it doesn’t get too crowded so they can sell out. It’s going to be expensive, skiing is just super expensive. Family will cover all meals when they’re together but she’ll get her own lunches and snacks during the ski day. Would be nice if the kids at least offered to cook or pick up pizza for all one night if they don’t have catering planned. Small consumable gift is a lovely gesture plus a thank you note after.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys keep saying the ski trip is super expensive. How much? $1000? $5000? I just paid $150 for a one day pass in a nice ski place in WV, how bad can it be?

$200-300 lift ticket
$30 small lunch
plus rentals, etc.

times X days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this kindly but I would rethink accepting this invitation. I would NOT think they would pay for her lift tickets. That's on her/you. It sounds like that's not in your budget.

Does she have skis and boots or does she need to rent those? Does she have a ski coat, gloves, helmet, goggles, etc?

Does she know how to ski? Is she any good? The BF and family are probably all expert skiers. No expert skier wants to spend all their time babysitting a novice on the bunny slopes.

Come on. The BF will. It could be an opportunity to sneak away from the rest of the family to "sleep."

I think the OP should plan to have the daughter pay for everything, but l think the odds are better than not that the BF's family will get a lift ticket for her. They might have other gear for her.

I doubt it. And what are the chances they have extra gear that happens to be in her size? Wouldn't count on that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this kindly but I would rethink accepting this invitation. I would NOT think they would pay for her lift tickets. That's on her/you. It sounds like that's not in your budget.

Does she have skis and boots or does she need to rent those? Does she have a ski coat, gloves, helmet, goggles, etc?

Does she know how to ski? Is she any good? The BF and family are probably all expert skiers. No expert skier wants to spend all their time babysitting a novice on the bunny slopes.

Come on. The BF will. It could be an opportunity to sneak away from the rest of the family to "sleep."

I think the OP should plan to have the daughter pay for everything, but l think the odds are better than not that the BF's family will get a lift ticket for her. They might have other gear for her.

I doubt it. And what are the chances they have extra gear that happens to be in her size? Wouldn't count on that either.

If they have daughters, I'd say it is pretty high. Maybe even from the wife/mother if she's still fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys keep saying the ski trip is super expensive. How much? $1000? $5000? I just paid $150 for a one day pass in a nice ski place in WV, how bad can it be?

The name brand resorts is CA, CO, and VT are more expensive than regional resorts in areas with less reliable snow and no fancy reputation. Places where people wear Bogner and fur on the slopes.

One of the funniest pricy bits of ski gear I ever saw was an insulated pair of nylon Bogner ski pants that looked exactly like acid wash jeans. I think it was $800.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

Even with her own bedroom, there could still be situations for the boy to try to pressure her into s*x during this trip! You need to have “the talk” with her ahead of time. Its especially important for her to understand things, including birth control, how to use it, and of course consent.

Umm, they're not in HS. That ship has sailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this kindly but I would rethink accepting this invitation. I would NOT think they would pay for her lift tickets. That's on her/you. It sounds like that's not in your budget.

Does she have skis and boots or does she need to rent those? Does she have a ski coat, gloves, helmet, goggles, etc?

Does she know how to ski? Is she any good? The BF and family are probably all expert skiers. No expert skier wants to spend all their time babysitting a novice on the bunny slopes.

I second this. She should not be conceding power in the relationship: they will have more respect for her if she says, sorry, too expensive. The boyfriend will especially. Skiing is overrated.

No, they're going to assume she's snubbing them. If she says it's over money, then they will almost certainly say they are buying the lift tickets for everyone (they'll probably say they already bought it, even if they didn't). Then what does she say?

I don't like skiing, so I'd want to come up with a more plausible excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

Even with her own bedroom, there could still be situations for the boy to try to pressure her into s*x during this trip! You need to have “the talk” with her ahead of time. Its especially important for her to understand things, including birth control, how to use it, and of course consent.

This should be done well before sophomore year of high school, let alone sophomore year of college.