Advice for Daughter Traveling with College BF

[Anonymous]

Summarizing the lift ticket discussion:

Lift tickets are very expensive. They are often significantly cheaper if purchased ahead of time, especially if skiing for multiple days (though still not cheap). This is a good excuse to bring it up with the BF ahead of time. She should ask what the skiing plans are and how many days she needs to buy lift tickets for. Hopefully he will say "don't worry - we've got it covered." But if he doesn't, hopefully he will at least give some clue about the plans so she can buy ahead of time and save some money.

There is also a decent chance that he will give a dumb response like "3 days" and she will buy lift tickets ahead of time and get there and the parents will tell her that it wasn't necessary, they were planning to take care of it. Because college aged boys are clueless like that (I can say that having been one). But she knows the BF better than we do.

[Anonymous]

You’ve gotten some good advice. From experience with my own DD in a similar relationship with similar level of wealth — Just because they are rich don’t assume they are generous. Make sure she can pay her way if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should bring a hostess gift, a nice cookbook, chocolates, linen napkins, things like that. Her BF’s family will most likely pay for her lift tickets but it’s best not to assume and to offer to pay her own way.

Only small consumables or disposables! Ski lady of the house does not want your cookbook or non-disposable napkins. She's already had the multi million dollar place professionally decorated. I'm also 100% fine with a just a nice thank you note a week or two later. Of course we don't expect you to pay your own way. It's a very nice gesture to pick up a breakfast bagel order or buy a round of midday hot coffees and snacks on when we take a break on the mountain. In our case, it's always lovely when you spend some time with the younger siblings (playing a game at night type thing).

This exactly. Small consumable related to your home town (not something picked up at Walgreens). If you must, but I do think a hostess gift is not necessary- no one needs more things, even food, especially not these people. Do be clean and have good manners. Bring your own money- though I’d be shocked if she is expected to pay for anything other than souvenirs and snacks. Most importantly, write a nice to thank them afterwards and mail it.

[Anonymous]

She needs to bring her credit card for her expenses and a hostess gift. You need to butt out.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care if she has her own bedroom, sophomores dating nearly a year are sleeping together. Don’t be naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she is paying for everything but I would think they will at least cover group meals - I highly doubt they would ask for money for that. I hope that if she does end up having to pay for things it isn't too much of a financial challenge.

I think most hostess gifts are pointless and stupid but many disagree with me so probably best to err on the side of caution and bring one. She should ask her boyfriend, though most likely he is clueless and doesn't know.

What is the sleeping arrangement?

She will have her own bedroom. Both my husband and I and from what I know his parents are more comfortable with it being this way.

Even with her own bedroom, there could still be situations for the boy to try to pressure her into s*x during this trip! You need to have “the talk” with her ahead of time. Its especially important for her to understand things, including birth control, how to use it, and of course consent.

That talk should have happened long before college, and a reminder when she let mom know she was dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care if she has her own bedroom, sophomores dating nearly a year are sleeping together. Don’t be naive.

Even if they are not, the topic has no doubt come up between the couple and they have come up with what works for them when they are at college and free to "sleep" or just sleep however they want. The talk about birth control, healthy consent etc are way past overdue.

[Anonymous]

Grew up going on ski trips with friends and taking friends and boyfriends on ski trips with my family and now we have a ski house in Jackson Hole. She should definitely plan on paying for her own lift tickets and rental gear, that’s not something I’ve ever heard of being covered and it’s picked up on your own time as the rest of the group will have gear and passes already. If it’s a popular resort she should book these ahead online, Jackson for example limits ticket sales at Xmas so it doesn’t get too crowded so they can sell out. It’s going to be expensive, skiing is just super expensive. Family will cover all meals when they’re together but she’ll get her own lunches and snacks during the ski day. Would be nice if the kids at least offered to cook or pick up pizza for all one night if they don’t have catering planned. Small consumable gift is a lovely gesture plus a thank you note after.

[Anonymous]

I mean this kindly but I would rethink accepting this invitation. I would NOT think they would pay for her lift tickets. That's on her/you. It sounds like that's not in your budget.

Does she have skis and boots or does she need to rent those? Does she have a ski coat, gloves, helmet, goggles, etc?

Does she know how to ski? Is she any good? The BF and family are probably all expert skiers. No expert skier wants to spend all their time babysitting a novice on the bunny slopes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or again, maybe there are passes that come with the house.

I've never heard of passes that come with the house but season ticket holders may get some half price passes.

She should buy a multi day pass ahead of time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean this kindly but I would rethink accepting this invitation. I would NOT think they would pay for her lift tickets. That's on her/you. It sounds like that's not in your budget.

Does she have skis and boots or does she need to rent those? Does she have a ski coat, gloves, helmet, goggles, etc?

Does she know how to ski? Is she any good? The BF and family are probably all expert skiers. No expert skier wants to spend all their time babysitting a novice on the bunny slopes.

Come on. The BF will. It could be an opportunity to sneak away from the rest of the family to "sleep."

I think the OP should plan to have the daughter pay for everything, but l think the odds are better than not that the BF's family will get a lift ticket for her. They might have other gear for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve gotten some good advice. From experience with my own DD in a similar relationship with similar level of wealth — Just because they are rich don’t assume they are generous. Make sure she can pay her way if needed.

Of course OP should do that.

Why in the world should the other family pay just because they have money? That is absurd.

I would never expect any other family to pay for my kids vacation.

OP is looking for her kid to marry into a weathly family the boy should run.

[Anonymous]

Is the family aware of your finances OP or is your DD trying to hide it? This probably affects what they will offer to cover. My wealthy friend invited me to Disney World with her family. Her parents knew we were not well off and told my parents in advance they (friend’s parents) were covering the entire trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve gotten some good advice. From experience with my own DD in a similar relationship with similar level of wealth — Just because they are rich don’t assume they are generous. Make sure she can pay her way if needed.

Of course OP should do that.

Why in the world should the other family pay just because they have money? That is absurd.

I would never expect any other family to pay for my kids vacation.

OP is looking for her kid to marry into a weathly family the boy should run.

Stop saying rude things about OP. She just wants to know what to expect and for her daughter not to appear poor or clueless. Totally understandable.

Ski vacations are a lot of money for people with even 90th %ile+ HH incomes. The development of the Epic Pass and Ikon Pass, etc. have helped a lot for people who can plan ahead BUT these passes are only for people who ski a lot AND there are blackout days at the major holidays. Because the holidays are the major profit opportunity for the resorts.

Being invited on a ski vacation at Christmas is more like being invited to the Superbowl or Eras concert and having to find your own ticket at last minute. Unless you get lucky, have a friend or a special deal, the price is steep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve gotten some good advice. From experience with my own DD in a similar relationship with similar level of wealth — Just because they are rich don’t assume they are generous. Make sure she can pay her way if needed.

Of course OP should do that.

Why in the world should the other family pay just because they have money? That is absurd.

I would never expect any other family to pay for my kids vacation.

OP is looking for her kid to marry into a weathly family the boy should run.

Stop saying rude things about OP. She just wants to know what to expect and for her daughter not to appear poor or clueless. Totally understandable.

Ski vacations are a lot of money for people with even 90th %ile+ HH incomes. The development of the Epic Pass and Ikon Pass, etc. have helped a lot for people who can plan ahead BUT these passes are only for people who ski a lot AND there are blackout days at the major holidays. Because the holidays are the major profit opportunity for the resorts.

Being invited on a ski vacation at Christmas is more like being invited to the Superbowl or Eras concert and having to find your own ticket at last minute. Unless you get lucky, have a friend or a special deal, the price is steep.

It’s true that Epic passes are no longer for sale. It’s not true that the holidays are blacked out, they are just an upcharge. We bought 4 day Epic passes and had to pay an upcharge for access the last week of Dec and a second upcharge to make the passes valid at Vail and BC. In all I think they were 500-something a person bought a few months ago.