Advice for Daughter Traveling with College BF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are of Chinese descent. We would never invite anyone to our house and expect them to pay hefty for entertainment or anything, or leave them out for group activities we initiate. That’s just inconsiderate and rude. I am appalled by this thread.

It's just cultural differences.

There are some reasons for it.

I had Asian friends who got married. They were very careful to record the exact amounts of cash they received from each gift giver. It was explained to me that their parents needed to give that exact amount or more to the donors' children or it would cause loss of face. The bridal couple also knelt on the floor/and bowed to the parents. And at some point the family threw something heavier than rice at the bride (figs? candies?).

My wedding didn't incorporate any of these ideas. They aren't a fit with my tradition. But I wasn't appalled by them.

What? Paying for a guest *you* invite has nothing to do with "cultural differences". It's simple good manners.
DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are of Chinese descent. We would never invite anyone to our house and expect them to pay hefty for entertainment or anything, or leave them out for group activities we initiate. That’s just inconsiderate and rude. I am appalled by this thread.

If we include you in a family activity, we treat you as family. Period.

+2

My family is of Vietnamese descent, and my college-aged son has invited his white girlfriend to join us on a four-week vacation to South America starting tomorrow. My husband and I will be traveling with them, and we plan to treat her like family. She’ll be flying first class with us to Buenos Aires, staying at a five-star hotel, and enjoying whatever activities my son and his girlfriend choose, all at our expense. My husband has also given my son a platinum American Express card to cover any spending expense between he and his GF during the trip. From what I've seen, this young woman is humble, kind, and considerate, and I could genuinely see her as a future daughter-in-law. I just hope my son doesn’t screw things up. Regardless of the activities, we’ll treat her like part of the family, and whether they choose to share a room or have separate accommodations is their choice. After all, they’re adults, and it’s none of my business.

As the PP said, it is just inconsiderate and rude to expect her to pay for the trip, at least in my Vietnamese culture.

DP. Agree completely, but this has nothing to do with your culture.

[Anonymous]

So what do you do in this situation?

Make sure this girl has a spare $3000 so she can afford her lift tickets and skies for this trip and impress this boy's parents like it's no big deal?

Or hope this rich boy parents pay for it all?

None of this will be settled up front, because that wouldn't be classy.

A definite dilemma for this girl.

But a good test for how much this relationship matters to her. There's no wonderful solution here. No one wants to feel dependent on the largesse of some boys family at the age of 19.

But college student financial realities are what they are, and spending this kind of money on a ski vacation for a few days means enormous sacrifices for months afterwards.

This boy put her in a difficult situation.

[Anonymous]

What others have said: The girlfriend should bring a small gift for the mother, and yes, she should bring her own money, but the girlfriend has been invited, IMHO, she will not be asked to pay for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what do you do in this situation?

Make sure this girl has a spare $3000 so she can afford her lift tickets and skies for this trip and impress this boy's parents like it's no big deal?

Or hope this rich boy parents pay for it all?

None of this will be settled up front, because that wouldn't be classy.

A definite dilemma for this girl.

But a good test for how much this relationship matters to her. There's no wonderful solution here. No one wants to feel dependent on the largesse of some boys family at the age of 19.

But college student financial realities are what they are, and spending this kind of money on a ski vacation for a few days means enormous sacrifices for months afterwards.

This boy put her in a difficult situation.

It's not a difficult situation if the kids are good communicators and decent people. And that is what is needed in a relationship between people who have different financial backgrounds. She should find out what her boyfriend thinks will happen by asking about the budget. You can go to these chichi Colorado towns and not ski. I've even been to the thrift shop in downtown Aspen. It's around the corner from the boutiques.

She can communicate about her budget to the boyfriend. Like the guy mentioned above who went skating and snowshoeing with his rich girlfriend instead of skiing. That's perfectly legitimate. All are fun winter sports.

This might be a non-issue. OP just needs to know because it's going to be OP's budget covering this if the parents aren't comping on everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What others have said: The girlfriend should bring a small gift for the mother, and yes, she should bring her own money, but the girlfriend has been invited, IMHO, she will not be asked to pay for anything.

+1
If she's actually expected to buy her own lift tickets, etc. then this is a very rude family. I would never in a million years invite someone to come on a family vacation and then tell them they have to pay their own way.

[Anonymous]

Young love on the slopes! It’s all terribly exciting.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP how did this turn out?