Can I charge my hourly rate for helping parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sibling has no standing to sue. NONE whatsoever.

Please pay yourself honestly, if your father agrees and this is something you really need.

I will note that for most of the middle class, adult children would never dream of making their parents pay for their help. I have never actually heard of such an arrangement as yours. My best friend and her husband and teen spent multiple weeks sorting through their mother's stuff before moving her to assisted living, paying for sundries, etc... and none of that labor was paid.

I find your nickel and diming a little distasteful, but if you're desperately in need of money, and it makes your father have a more attentive and willing helper... sure, go ahead.

+1

Also, the hourly rate should reflect what a caregiver would charge, not what your profession does. As a lawyer I bill at $300/hour but would never charge that rate for caregiver tasks, if indeed I charged anything for that.

Not OP, but wow is this an elitist and privileged response. Do you understand that because you bill at $300 an hour you have a huge salary and it's likely not as big a sacrifice to take off and help? Shame on you for trying to guilt trip OP. As someone who did an insane amount for free, I think OP has every right to charge the amount she is used to making and I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes I did.

Caring is not worht 80 an hour and its a money grab. Hire help if that much help is needed. I did it for free and I couldn't imagine taking money from a relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m going to echo some other posters here and tell you that you need to get durable and medical POA asap. If your father suffers a cognitive decline, he could accuse you of stealing or manipulating him, even if you have the best intentions. Even the kindest people can do a 180 once dementia begins.

POAs need to be put in place while someone still has their faculties. It can be an awkward conversation, but so important. Plus, it really cuts through a lot of red tape, and you can talk to providers or manage accounts directly. Once the window for getting a POA has passed, you’d need to apply for guardianship and the bar is much higher; the court might even appoint a neutral party as guardian.

And don’t feel guilty for reimbursing yourself. Little things can really start to add up and you don’t want to get underwater yourself when someone has the funds to reimburse.

This is true. My mother had what I now see was early dementia maybe from ministrokes. I realized something was wrong when I visited her after my stepfather died and saw a box where she just dumped all the mail, unopened. I offered to pay the bills and she had them sent to me and gave me the checkbook.

Then about 10 months later she demanded it back accusing me of stealing.

She let her neighbor "help out" he had been my stepfather's friend. Buddy ended up with everything in the house and I assume what money of hers was left. I got zero. I would have liked the pastel portrait of me when I was 9. I assume Buddy sold it for the frame.

My MIL had everything stolen from her too but this is different than what OP is doing. She can pay the bills, most online through autopay but she's talking about charging for every little thing she does. With dementia they do accuse you of stealling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sibling has no standing to sue. NONE whatsoever.

Please pay yourself honestly, if your father agrees and this is something you really need.

I will note that for most of the middle class, adult children would never dream of making their parents pay for their help. I have never actually heard of such an arrangement as yours. My best friend and her husband and teen spent multiple weeks sorting through their mother's stuff before moving her to assisted living, paying for sundries, etc... and none of that labor was paid.

I find your nickel and diming a little distasteful, but if you're desperately in need of money, and it makes your father have a more attentive and willing helper... sure, go ahead.

+1

Also, the hourly rate should reflect what a caregiver would charge, not what your profession does. As a lawyer I bill at $300/hour but would never charge that rate for caregiver tasks, if indeed I charged anything for that.

Not OP, but wow is this an elitist and privileged response. Do you understand that because you bill at $300 an hour you have a huge salary and it's likely not as big a sacrifice to take off and help? Shame on you for trying to guilt trip OP. As someone who did an insane amount for free, I think OP has every right to charge the amount she is used to making and I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes I did.

Caring is not worht 80 an hour and its a money grab. Hire help if that much help is needed. I did it for free and I couldn't imagine taking money from a relative.

The alternative is you are paying $35-$40/hour, and you are committing to way more hours than you need because you can't find someone that you trust with your elderly parent that just works ad hoc. Of course, this rate is higher after-hours and on weekends.

If OP is only charging for the time spent helping, then $80/hour is fair. It's saving the estate significant $$$s compared to hiring aides.

[Anonymous]

Google Quantum meruit

[Anonymous]

oh brother. He is in assisted living. They provide his care. Yes, there is a lot of legwork to move an elderly parent into a facility but . . a spreadsheet? Yikes.

[Anonymous]

OP just ignore the haters. I think it's fine to charge your Dad. I agree you need to get POA b4 he is incapable of signing. If that becomes the case you will have to take him to court and have him proven incapable. No way that is a fun day.

I would only charge for current and future stuff except maybe for past expenses for which you have a receipt.

We paid a care manager and her hourly rate was $65. We even got her a credit card that was tied to my Dad's account. She was great. I don't know where one finds those. We got lucky. Maybe google?

Anyway good luck!

[Anonymous]

I had to step in and do this for my grandmother. I was managing everything - bills, taxes, groceries, aides, etc. This was in an era before autopay so it was not a set and forget exercise. My Aunt said I should pay myself, so I did. The estate was divided between the siblings, not me, so it seemed fair.

I am now doing it for one of my parents. It is insanely time consuming, particularly when there are health issues, and my professional rate is actually more than $900/hour so the lost income is real when I have to miss meetings, etc. But I am not charging. Instead I am hiring help where I can and have paid my adult children to help out on occasion (it is not fun stuff, it is hard work). I do use my parents' credit card for purchases, and track any out of pocket expenses I make on my card. It adds up fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The short version: Can I charge my hourly rate of $80 for missing work and missing opportunities for extra work on the weekends while helping (not for just visiting) a parent.

Long version: I recently had to move my father frim a 3 bedroom condo he rented after selling his house a few years ago to a one bedroom apartment in assisted living. It was a huge task of first declutterring, throwing away so much, giving things to charities, hiring movers, etc. It’s been exhausting and I had to take time off work and work weekends. My husband and teenage kids all had to pitch in and help as well.

One sibling is appreciative and told my dad he needs to pay me my hourly rate which is $80 an hour. I had the opportunity to pick up extra work the weekends I was helping my father but declined. My father agreed right away and wrote me a check for $8000.

That sibling also said every time I take him to a doctors appointment and miss work, deal with his facility or other things I need to start charging and I should go back and charge for all the time iff of work I had to do in the last three years. My father agreed and because I am actually on his bank account he said I should just write a check from that account to myself.

So I made a spreadsheet of all the dates, hours, visits, etc. I would never charge for all the hours just visiting him and spending time with him. It’s all the times that have cost me financially. I also have spent into the thousands over the years just picking up things for him when we go to the grocery store that he likes or we are at Target and he needs a few things. But IB never kept track of that and feel like it is too late to charge anything now.

The issue is we have another sibling who does nothing and never visits. My father’s will divides everything equally. I am worried that sibling will eventually complain too much money was spent in assisted living and his care, then look at these payments and sue.

No one has a POA right now.

Did your father charge you when you were young and in need of help and care? I cannot fathom charging my parents for helping them. This is "Donald Trump" ME AGA greed.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely no. The average hourly rate for elder care is $15/$20/hr. We hired a Licensed Practical Nurse for an elderly relative a few years ago to live in and only paid $20/hr. It's probably gone up to $30/hr now but no way would it ever be e $80/hr! You are a greedy piece of garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The short version: Can I charge my hourly rate of $80 for missing work and missing opportunities for extra work on the weekends while helping (not for just visiting) a parent.

Long version: I recently had to move my father frim a 3 bedroom condo he rented after selling his house a few years ago to a one bedroom apartment in assisted living. It was a huge task of first declutterring, throwing away so much, giving things to charities, hiring movers, etc. It’s been exhausting and I had to take time off work and work weekends. My husband and teenage kids all had to pitch in and help as well.

One sibling is appreciative and told my dad he needs to pay me my hourly rate which is $80 an hour. I had the opportunity to pick up extra work the weekends I was helping my father but declined. My father agreed right away and wrote me a check for $8000.

That sibling also said every time I take him to a doctors appointment and miss work, deal with his facility or other things I need to start charging and I should go back and charge for all the time iff of work I had to do in the last three years. My father agreed and because I am actually on his bank account he said I should just write a check from that account to myself.

So I made a spreadsheet of all the dates, hours, visits, etc. I would never charge for all the hours just visiting him and spending time with him. It’s all the times that have cost me financially. I also have spent into the thousands over the years just picking up things for him when we go to the grocery store that he likes or we are at Target and he needs a few things. But IB never kept track of that and feel like it is too late to charge anything now.

The issue is we have another sibling who does nothing and never visits. My father’s will divides everything equally. I am worried that sibling will eventually complain too much money was spent in assisted living and his care, then look at these payments and sue.

No one has a POA right now.

Did your father charge you when you were young and in need of help and care? I cannot fathom charging my parents for helping them. This is "Donald Trump" ME AGA greed.

Well...plenty of parents charge their adult children rent to live in their homes as well as contribute to other household expenses. Also, your parent chose to give birth to you...it's not like you had a choice in the matter. I am also aware of situations where there is a big age gap with children (usually due to a second marriage) and a parent will pay an adult child (who does not live at home anymore) to babysit their sibling.

Also, I doubt OP would charge her parent anything to live with her in her home if no special care was needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no. The average hourly rate for elder care is $15/$20/hr. We hired a Licensed Practical Nurse for an elderly relative a few years ago to live in and only paid $20/hr. It's probably gone up to $30/hr now but no way would it ever be e $80/hr! You are a greedy piece of garbage.

Where do you live? No way you are hiring a 1/2 decent caregiver in the DMV for $20/hour. At least $50/hour...and again, you are committing to a minimum number of hours, even if they are doing nothing for a large %age of those hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The short version: Can I charge my hourly rate of $80 for missing work and missing opportunities for extra work on the weekends while helping (not for just visiting) a parent.

Long version: I recently had to move my father frim a 3 bedroom condo he rented after selling his house a few years ago to a one bedroom apartment in assisted living. It was a huge task of first declutterring, throwing away so much, giving things to charities, hiring movers, etc. It’s been exhausting and I had to take time off work and work weekends. My husband and teenage kids all had to pitch in and help as well.

One sibling is appreciative and told my dad he needs to pay me my hourly rate which is $80 an hour. I had the opportunity to pick up extra work the weekends I was helping my father but declined. My father agreed right away and wrote me a check for $8000.

That sibling also said every time I take him to a doctors appointment and miss work, deal with his facility or other things I need to start charging and I should go back and charge for all the time iff of work I had to do in the last three years. My father agreed and because I am actually on his bank account he said I should just write a check from that account to myself.

So I made a spreadsheet of all the dates, hours, visits, etc. I would never charge for all the hours just visiting him and spending time with him. It’s all the times that have cost me financially. I also have spent into the thousands over the years just picking up things for him when we go to the grocery store that he likes or we are at Target and he needs a few things. But IB never kept track of that and feel like it is too late to charge anything now.

The issue is we have another sibling who does nothing and never visits. My father’s will divides everything equally. I am worried that sibling will eventually complain too much money was spent in assisted living and his care, then look at these payments and sue.

No one has a POA right now.

Did your father charge you when you were young and in need of help and care? I cannot fathom charging my parents for helping them. This is "Donald Trump" ME AGA greed.

Well...plenty of parents charge their adult children rent to live in their homes as well as contribute to other household expenses. Also, your parent chose to give birth to you...it's not like you had a choice in the matter. I am also aware of situations where there is a big age gap with children (usually due to a second marriage) and a parent will pay an adult child (who does not live at home anymore) to babysit their sibling.

Also, I doubt OP would charge her parent anything to live with her in her home if no special care was needed.

OP’s parent has not lived with her. She helped him move from his own apartment to assisted living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no. The average hourly rate for elder care is $15/$20/hr. We hired a Licensed Practical Nurse for an elderly relative a few years ago to live in and only paid $20/hr. It's probably gone up to $30/hr now but no way would it ever be e $80/hr! You are a greedy piece of garbage.

Where do you live? No way you are hiring a 1/2 decent caregiver in the DMV for $20/hour. At least $50/hour...and again, you are committing to a minimum number of hours, even if they are doing nothing for a large %age of those hours.

Too bad that you have no reading comprehension
I said A FEW YEARS AGO and was hired through an agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The short version: Can I charge my hourly rate of $80 for missing work and missing opportunities for extra work on the weekends while helping (not for just visiting) a parent.

Long version: I recently had to move my father frim a 3 bedroom condo he rented after selling his house a few years ago to a one bedroom apartment in assisted living. It was a huge task of first declutterring, throwing away so much, giving things to charities, hiring movers, etc. It’s been exhausting and I had to take time off work and work weekends. My husband and teenage kids all had to pitch in and help as well.

One sibling is appreciative and told my dad he needs to pay me my hourly rate which is $80 an hour. I had the opportunity to pick up extra work the weekends I was helping my father but declined. My father agreed right away and wrote me a check for $8000.

That sibling also said every time I take him to a doctors appointment and miss work, deal with his facility or other things I need to start charging and I should go back and charge for all the time iff of work I had to do in the last three years. My father agreed and because I am actually on his bank account he said I should just write a check from that account to myself.

So I made a spreadsheet of all the dates, hours, visits, etc. I would never charge for all the hours just visiting him and spending time with him. It’s all the times that have cost me financially. I also have spent into the thousands over the years just picking up things for him when we go to the grocery store that he likes or we are at Target and he needs a few things. But IB never kept track of that and feel like it is too late to charge anything now.

The issue is we have another sibling who does nothing and never visits. My father’s will divides everything equally. I am worried that sibling will eventually complain too much money was spent in assisted living and his care, then look at these payments and sue.

No one has a POA right now.

Did your father charge you when you were young and in need of help and care? I cannot fathom charging my parents for helping them. This is "Donald Trump" ME AGA greed.

Well...plenty of parents charge their adult children rent to live in their homes as well as contribute to other household expenses. Also, your parent chose to give birth to you...it's not like you had a choice in the matter. I am also aware of situations where there is a big age gap with children (usually due to a second marriage) and a parent will pay an adult child (who does not live at home anymore) to babysit their sibling.

Also, I doubt OP would charge her parent anything to live with her in her home if no special care was needed.

It isn't clear if her parents charged her for everything they did for her once she was an adult or married. Did they ever babysit for free or bring dinner for free or help drive or move or whatnot for free? If the parents have given OP an itemized bill for all their time and resources over the years that she was an adult then it makes sense she is nickle and diming them for every miinut she spends and every thing she does for them. Otherwise the retraoactive charging for everything she has ever done is one of the most brazen and self centered things I have ever heard of! And I was a caregiver for a grandparent and then a parent.

I do get that not everyone has love or care for their parent and it is just a job or an adult to do anything for them. I think for those of us with better relationships, the idea of charging for every little thing is just so impersonal and transactional but if you really have no connection to the parentand they are just another person, then just seeing it as a job that needs to be done and compensated.

I don't think teaching your kids that you should never help anyone or do anything for anyone unless they pay you for it is a bit of an unhealthy mesage. Kind of negates some of the value of family when no one helps each other or does anything for anyone without compensation.

[Anonymous]

For those who are interested, some articles on Geriatric Care Managers (sometimes called Senior Care Coordinators):

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/geriatric-care-manager/
https://health.usnews.com/senior-care/articles/what-is-a-geriatric-care-manager
See also: Caring.com

As with everything, costs have risen, but for many families, it sounds like they can be an invaluable resource, overall.