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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The short version: Can I charge my hourly rate of $80 for missing work and missing opportunities for extra work on the weekends while helping (not for just visiting) a parent.

Long version: I recently had to move my father frim a 3 bedroom condo he rented after selling his house a few years ago to a one bedroom apartment in assisted living. It was a huge task of first declutterring, throwing away so much, giving things to charities, hiring movers, etc. It’s been exhausting and I had to take time off work and work weekends. My husband and teenage kids all had to pitch in and help as well.

One sibling is appreciative and told my dad he needs to pay me my hourly rate which is $80 an hour. I had the opportunity to pick up extra work the weekends I was helping my father but declined. My father agreed right away and wrote me a check for $8000.

That sibling also said every time I take him to a doctors appointment and miss work, deal with his facility or other things I need to start charging and I should go back and charge for all the time iff of work I had to do in the last three years.   My father agreed and because I am actually on his bank account he said I should just write a check from that account to myself.

So I made a spreadsheet of all the dates, hours, visits, etc. I would never charge for all the hours just visiting him and spending time with him. It’s all the times that have cost me financially. I also have spent into the thousands over the years just picking up things for him when we go to the grocery store that he likes or we are at Target and he needs a few things. But IB never kept track of that and feel like it is too late to charge anything now.

The issue is we have another sibling who does nothing and never visits. My father’s will divides everything equally. I am worried that sibling will eventually complain too much money was spent in assisted living and his care, then look at these payments and sue.

No one has a POA right now. [/quote]

Did your father charge you when you were young and in need of help and care?  I cannot fathom charging my parents for helping them.  This is  "Donald Trump" ME AGA greed.

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Well...plenty of parents charge their adult children rent to live in their homes as well as contribute to other household expenses.  Also, your parent chose to give birth to you...it's not like you had a choice in the matter.  I am also aware of situations where there is a big age gap with children (usually due to a second marriage) and a parent will pay an adult child (who does not live at home anymore) to babysit their sibling.

Also, I doubt OP would charge her parent anything to live with her in her home if no special care was needed.

[/quote]

It isn't clear if her parents charged her for everything they did for her once she was an adult or married. Did they ever babysit for free or bring dinner for free or help drive or move or whatnot for free? If the parents have given OP an itemized bill for all their time and resources over the years that she was an adult then it makes sense she is nickle and diming them for every miinut she spends and every thing she does for them. Otherwise the retraoactive charging for everything she has ever done is one of the most brazen and self centered things I have ever heard of! And I was a caregiver for a grandparent and then a parent.

I do get that not everyone has love or care for their parent and it is just a job or an adult to do anything for them. I think for those of us with better relationships, the idea of charging for every little thing is just so impersonal and transactional but if you really have no connection to the parentand they are just another person, then just seeing it as a job that needs to be done and compensated.

I don't think teaching your kids that you should never help anyone or do anything for anyone unless they pay you for it is a bit of an unhealthy mesage. Kind of negates some of the value of family when no one helps each other or does anything for anyone without compensation. [/quote]

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