Can I charge my hourly rate for helping parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no. The average hourly rate for elder care is $15/$20/hr. We hired a Licensed Practical Nurse for an elderly relative a few years ago to live in and only paid $20/hr. It's probably gone up to $30/hr now but no way would it ever be e $80/hr! You are a greedy piece of garbage.

Where do you live? No way you are hiring a 1/2 decent caregiver in the DMV for $20/hour. At least $50/hour...and again, you are committing to a minimum number of hours, even if they are doing nothing for a large %age of those hours.

Too bad that you have no reading comprehension
I said A FEW YEARS AGO and was hired through an agency.

So, your information is worthless…got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no. The average hourly rate for elder care is $15/$20/hr. We hired a Licensed Practical Nurse for an elderly relative a few years ago to live in and only paid $20/hr. It's probably gone up to $30/hr now but no way would it ever be e $80/hr! You are a greedy piece of garbage.

I paid $35/hour for an aide last week (in MoCo). That was for someone who can’t do meds, but can help with basic self care rashes, cooking, tidying, etc. Getting nursing assistance is a much higher rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The short version: Can I charge my hourly rate of $80 for missing work and missing opportunities for extra work on the weekends while helping (not for just visiting) a parent.

Long version: I recently had to move my father frim a 3 bedroom condo he rented after selling his house a few years ago to a one bedroom apartment in assisted living. It was a huge task of first declutterring, throwing away so much, giving things to charities, hiring movers, etc. It’s been exhausting and I had to take time off work and work weekends. My husband and teenage kids all had to pitch in and help as well.

One sibling is appreciative and told my dad he needs to pay me my hourly rate which is $80 an hour. I had the opportunity to pick up extra work the weekends I was helping my father but declined. My father agreed right away and wrote me a check for $8000.

That sibling also said every time I take him to a doctors appointment and miss work, deal with his facility or other things I need to start charging and I should go back and charge for all the time iff of work I had to do in the last three years. My father agreed and because I am actually on his bank account he said I should just write a check from that account to myself.

So I made a spreadsheet of all the dates, hours, visits, etc. I would never charge for all the hours just visiting him and spending time with him. It’s all the times that have cost me financially. I also have spent into the thousands over the years just picking up things for him when we go to the grocery store that he likes or we are at Target and he needs a few things. But IB never kept track of that and feel like it is too late to charge anything now.

The issue is we have another sibling who does nothing and never visits. My father’s will divides everything equally. I am worried that sibling will eventually complain too much money was spent in assisted living and his care, then look at these payments and sue.

No one has a POA right now.

Did your father charge you when you were young and in need of help and care? I cannot fathom charging my parents for helping them. This is "Donald Trump" ME AGA greed.

Well...plenty of parents charge their adult children rent to live in their homes as well as contribute to other household expenses. Also, your parent chose to give birth to you...it's not like you had a choice in the matter. I am also aware of situations where there is a big age gap with children (usually due to a second marriage) and a parent will pay an adult child (who does not live at home anymore) to babysit their sibling.

Also, I doubt OP would charge her parent anything to live with her in her home if no special care was needed.

It isn't clear if her parents charged her for everything they did for her once she was an adult or married. Did they ever babysit for free or bring dinner for free or help drive or move or whatnot for free? If the parents have given OP an itemized bill for all their time and resources over the years that she was an adult then it makes sense she is nickle and diming them for every miinut she spends and every thing she does for them. Otherwise the retraoactive charging for everything she has ever done is one of the most brazen and self centered things I have ever heard of! And I was a caregiver for a grandparent and then a parent.

I do get that not everyone has love or care for their parent and it is just a job or an adult to do anything for them. I think for those of us with better relationships, the idea of charging for every little thing is just so impersonal and transactional but if you really have no connection to the parentand they are just another person, then just seeing it as a job that needs to be done and compensated.

I don't think teaching your kids that you should never help anyone or do anything for anyone unless they pay you for it is a bit of an unhealthy mesage. Kind of negates some of the value of family when no one helps each other or does anything for anyone without compensation.

Eldcare is closer to caring for a special needs kid vs just babysitting occasionally.

I knew a family where a kid was hit by a car and suffered severe brain injury. Won a settlement and the family ended up paying a grandparent as a caregiver as that was more affordable than a 3rd party so they wanted to make the $$$s last so both parents could continue working (and eventually, the grandparent won’t be able to continue as a caregiver).

[Anonymous]

This is wild to me. Charging your dad for caregiving AND expecting inheritance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sibling has no standing to sue. NONE whatsoever.

Please pay yourself honestly, if your father agrees and this is something you really need.

I will note that for most of the middle class, adult children would never dream of making their parents pay for their help. I have never actually heard of such an arrangement as yours. My best friend and her husband and teen spent multiple weeks sorting through their mother's stuff before moving her to assisted living, paying for sundries, etc... and none of that labor was paid.

I find your nickel and diming a little distasteful, but if you're desperately in need of money, and it makes your father have a more attentive and willing helper... sure, go ahead.

+1

Also, the hourly rate should reflect what a caregiver would charge, not what your profession does. As a lawyer I bill at $300/hour but would never charge that rate for caregiver tasks, if indeed I charged anything for that.

Not OP, but wow is this an elitist and privileged response. Do you understand that because you bill at $300 an hour you have a huge salary and it's likely not as big a sacrifice to take off and help? Shame on you for trying to guilt trip OP. As someone who did an insane amount for free, I think OP has every right to charge the amount she is used to making and I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes I did.

Caring is not worht 80 an hour and its a money grab. Hire help if that much help is needed. I did it for free and I couldn't imagine taking money from a relative.

So you are rich, are supported by a spouse or were the sibling who did the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sibling has no standing to sue. NONE whatsoever.

Please pay yourself honestly, if your father agrees and this is something you really need.

I will note that for most of the middle class, adult children would never dream of making their parents pay for their help. I have never actually heard of such an arrangement as yours. My best friend and her husband and teen spent multiple weeks sorting through their mother's stuff before moving her to assisted living, paying for sundries, etc... and none of that labor was paid.

I find your nickel and diming a little distasteful, but if you're desperately in need of money, and it makes your father have a more attentive and willing helper... sure, go ahead.

You are probably very rich and drive a Tesla. Not all of us are so wealthy that the unpaid time is something we can swing long term.

You aren't exactly poor. For as much as she's charging, Dad can hire someone for $25 an hour who will not resent it.

They won’t be able to do half the things legally and they probably won’t want to risk driving unless they have special insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sibling has no standing to sue. NONE whatsoever.

Please pay yourself honestly, if your father agrees and this is something you really need.

I will note that for most of the middle class, adult children would never dream of making their parents pay for their help. I have never actually heard of such an arrangement as yours. My best friend and her husband and teen spent multiple weeks sorting through their mother's stuff before moving her to assisted living, paying for sundries, etc... and none of that labor was paid.

I find your nickel and diming a little distasteful, but if you're desperately in need of money, and it makes your father have a more attentive and willing helper... sure, go ahead.

+1

Also, the hourly rate should reflect what a caregiver would charge, not what your profession does. As a lawyer I bill at $300/hour but would never charge that rate for caregiver tasks, if indeed I charged anything for that.

Not OP, but wow is this an elitist and privileged response. Do you understand that because you bill at $300 an hour you have a huge salary and it's likely not as big a sacrifice to take off and help? Shame on you for trying to guilt trip OP. As someone who did an insane amount for free, I think OP has every right to charge the amount she is used to making and I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes I did.

Caring is not worht 80 an hour and its a money grab. Hire help if that much help is needed. I did it for free and I couldn't imagine taking money from a relative.

So you are rich, are supported by a spouse or were the sibling who did the least.

No, we were far from it which is why we had no choice. My mil eventually went into a Medicaid bed. We could not afford any help and it was difficult with young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sibling has no standing to sue. NONE whatsoever.

Please pay yourself honestly, if your father agrees and this is something you really need.

I will note that for most of the middle class, adult children would never dream of making their parents pay for their help. I have never actually heard of such an arrangement as yours. My best friend and her husband and teen spent multiple weeks sorting through their mother's stuff before moving her to assisted living, paying for sundries, etc... and none of that labor was paid.

I find your nickel and diming a little distasteful, but if you're desperately in need of money, and it makes your father have a more attentive and willing helper... sure, go ahead.

+1

Also, the hourly rate should reflect what a caregiver would charge, not what your profession does. As a lawyer I bill at $300/hour but would never charge that rate for caregiver tasks, if indeed I charged anything for that.

Not OP, but wow is this an elitist and privileged response. Do you understand that because you bill at $300 an hour you have a huge salary and it's likely not as big a sacrifice to take off and help? Shame on you for trying to guilt trip OP. As someone who did an insane amount for free, I think OP has every right to charge the amount she is used to making and I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes I did.

Caring is not worht 80 an hour and its a money grab. Hire help if that much help is needed. I did it for free and I couldn't imagine taking money from a relative.

So you are rich, are supported by a spouse or were the sibling who did the least.

No, we were far from it which is why we had no choice. My mil eventually went into a Medicaid bed. We could not afford any help and it was difficult with young kids.

Spouse worked long hours and the sibling wouldn’t even visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- another vote to not listen to the bozos. It's so freaking easy to just hire a carer (who is responsible and can drive and always shows up for everything) for just $25. And how many or few hours they can pick up as of course they are perfectly elastic in their availability. Just waiting around for the exact hours you need them for. And they don't need to be managed at all... So Easy!!!

Yes. And they will never buy their groceries with your parent’s credit card or zone out in their phone when your parent needs help.

In our case, one caretaker said she could not stay because there was blood in dad’s catheter. She left a few minutes after she arrived, and that meant we had to cancel our plans. There was nothing wrong with dad, by the way.

Gee, why didn’t we all think of this amazing solution!!! $25 hour with a fairy godmother will fix everything!!

[Anonymous]

The charge should not be your normal rate for whatever you do for a living, it should be the normal rate for the jobs you are performing. I’m an attorney, but of course I would not charge anyone, let alone my parent, my billable rate to pick up scrips at Target! You are so ridiculous and greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sibling has no standing to sue. NONE whatsoever.

Please pay yourself honestly, if your father agrees and this is something you really need.

I will note that for most of the middle class, adult children would never dream of making their parents pay for their help. I have never actually heard of such an arrangement as yours. My best friend and her husband and teen spent multiple weeks sorting through their mother's stuff before moving her to assisted living, paying for sundries, etc... and none of that labor was paid.

I find your nickel and diming a little distasteful, but if you're desperately in need of money, and it makes your father have a more attentive and willing helper... sure, go ahead.

+1

Also, the hourly rate should reflect what a caregiver would charge, not what your profession does. As a lawyer I bill at $300/hour but would never charge that rate for caregiver tasks, if indeed I charged anything for that.

Not OP, but wow is this an elitist and privileged response. Do you understand that because you bill at $300 an hour you have a huge salary and it's likely not as big a sacrifice to take off and help? Shame on you for trying to guilt trip OP. As someone who did an insane amount for free, I think OP has every right to charge the amount she is used to making and I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes I did.

And the 300/hour a person has not even done the work before! They said what they WOULD do so have not actually DONE it.

They probably never will do the work either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it repulsive to charge a parent to help them.

Says the sibling who does nothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who are interested, some articles on Geriatric Care Managers (sometimes called Senior Care Coordinators):

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/geriatric-care-manager/
https://health.usnews.com/senior-care/articles/what-is-a-geriatric-care-manager
See also: Caring.com

As with everything, costs have risen, but for many families, it sounds like they can be an invaluable resource, overall.

One of the articles above states that care managers charge $50 - $200 per hour.

[Anonymous]

This is wild to me. Charging your dad for caregiving AND expecting inheritance?

It’s wild to me that siblings who have done absolutely nothing to help parent at all expects the same inheritance as the sibling who spends minimum 10 hrs a week and drives an additional 180 miles a month caring for parent. It’s not just the time too. You become the sole emotional as well as logistical financial social organizer for that parent. I had to actually plan my siblings visit here and drive him around and tell him how to engage with mom—I insisted he come out to see our mom before she forgot who he is. I feel responsible for trying to get what’s left of her family coming to see her at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sibling has no standing to sue. NONE whatsoever.

Please pay yourself honestly, if your father agrees and this is something you really need.

I will note that for most of the middle class, adult children would never dream of making their parents pay for their help. I have never actually heard of such an arrangement as yours. My best friend and her husband and teen spent multiple weeks sorting through their mother's stuff before moving her to assisted living, paying for sundries, etc... and none of that labor was paid.

I find your nickel and diming a little distasteful, but if you're desperately in need of money, and it makes your father have a more attentive and willing helper... sure, go ahead.

You’ve got to be kidding, PP. The OP is suffering lost income. Why should she foot that bill to the benefit of the do-nothing sibling(s)?? This is a way for her to be recognized by their father for the extra care and time she is devoting, while at least one of her siblings does absolutely nothing. As a parent, I’d want to reward my child for making extra sacrifices beyond what the other children are doing. And as a parent, I’d feel like less of a burden and less like someone just taking taking taking from my child. It would feel good to give something back. And OP’s father can apparently afford to do just that.

This isn’t doing the dad’s taxes. This is ongoing, substantial, detailed, hard and sometimes exhausting work. If you haven’t been there, you can have no idea what it’s like.

+1 This exactly. You can stfu, previous PP if you haven't been there. I have a dear friend whose time is consumed by taking care of both elderly parents, one with dementia and one fragile. She had to retire early and she "pays herself" which means that her parents agreed and have the means and are deeply appreciative. (They even gave her a car and include gas money!). Her sibling is relieved and agrees to the arrangement.

Of course we all do this out of the goodness of our hearts too, but this is a job we are talking about. There's no reason not to earn income if all/most parties agree. Would you work for free?

But at $80/hr? Is the nice sibling OK with that? Unless OP's father is wealthy, it's going to make a significant dent in his inheritance and at the end, maybe both siblings of OP will be bitter.

In principle, I agree with compensation for the sibling who is working for their elderly parent. The way my in-laws have set this up, the sibling who is doing the most care is getting a larger chunk of the inheritance. But if we start to get into counting hours and dollars... I think that opens the door to nitpicking later.

Who cares if siblings are bitter? The dad is alive and is choosing to compensate his very generous and caring daughter for part of the time she gives him to care for him. They are not doing any caregiving, so they need to get over feeling entitled to his money.

And the people who are nickel and dining OP over it being $80/hr…you think the level of care a daughter provides is even remotely comparable to what you’d get from someone on Care.com for $20/hr? Give me a break! It’s absolutely worth 4x that if that’s the income she’s giving up to do it, and she is trusted and reliable. If he can afford it, why not?