How do you cope if you regret having kids?

[Anonymous]

you need therapy.

if you feel this way about them, you are going to wreck them.

let them live with their dad, if you can't handle it.

my mom wasn't great, but she sounds wonderful compared to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

Are you too stupid to use birth control? Do you know where babies come from?

I like being a mom and am overall happy with my life. I am sorry if you can’t say the same, but it’s not normal.

People who admit regretting their kids act like they are doing something brave, saying the thing we are all thinking. But you’re not, and we are not. It’s not a normal way to feel.

+100. I love all the equally crappy moms trying to defend OP.

[Anonymous]

I think you should stop telling yourself you are a bad mom and bad at/hate parenting. There is a lot more going on here (recent divorce, ppd, financial stress). I’m not saying parenting doesn’t add to the burden you feel but it’s not you or the kids that are the root issue.

Give yourself some grace and keep treating the deeper issues-keep working to get on even footing financially (congratulations, it sounds like you are killing it in that area) and maybe see if you can meet with a professional who can rule out depression or help treat it. Keep showing up for the kids and fake it till you make it. You have limited energy and patience for parenting right now because you are extremely overwhelmed. Make it as easy on yourself as possible by doing fun but low effort activities with them.

Wishing you luck, this sounds really hard but it’s just one chapter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

Are you too stupid to use birth control? Do you know where babies come from?

I like being a mom and am overall happy with my life. I am sorry if you can’t say the same, but it’s not normal.

People who admit regretting their kids act like they are doing something brave, saying the thing we are all thinking. But you’re not, and we are not. It’s not a normal way to feel.

+100. I love all the equally crappy moms trying to defend OP.

-100

there but for the grace of god go i

[Anonymous]

It gets much easier, OP. My DCs are tweens & teens now and fun to be with. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

Are you too stupid to use birth control? Do you know where babies come from?

I like being a mom and am overall happy with my life. I am sorry if you can’t say the same, but it’s not normal.

People who admit regretting their kids act like they are doing something brave, saying the thing we are all thinking. But you’re not, and we are not. It’s not a normal way to feel.

+100. I love all the equally crappy moms trying to defend OP.

An actually crappy mom would not a) recognize the feeling and b) seek help for coping with said feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

Are you too stupid to use birth control? Do you know where babies come from?

I like being a mom and am overall happy with my life. I am sorry if you can’t say the same, but it’s not normal.

People who admit regretting their kids act like they are doing something brave, saying the thing we are all thinking. But you’re not, and we are not. It’s not a normal way to feel.

+100. I love all the equally crappy moms trying to defend OP.

OR, the moms with the equally difficult kids. Maybe OP doesn’t have a child with a severe personality disorder. But I can tell you from experience, when your special needs dc hits your typically developing dc, despite having spent well over $10,000 on various therapies, parent training, etc., it’s hard to love them. So these other moms may not be “crappy” moms. They might have harder children than you do.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you suck as a parent but I do think you could benefit from individual therapy, which is probably true for most of us parents! Really, you will look back with regret at not having been more proactive about helping yourself. Be kind to yourself while also recognizing you can improve.

[Anonymous]

I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced mom, 50/50 custody, 2 kids, 9 and 3. The setup now is a million times better than when I was married, but I still regret having kids (especially having a second).

Most days I feel like I’m just counting down the minutes until they go back to their dads’ and counting down the years until they leave for college. I always feel overwhelmed and like everyone understands this parenting thing except me. I resent that every day is a battle just to get them out the door, that I need to make snacks and drinks a million times a day, that they’re so damn expensive and I’ve watched all my money dwindle away.

I know it’s not their fault, I know I suck as a parent, I know they’re gonna end up with all kinds of problems because of this. But I can’t help that I really, truly regret all of this and just want my easy life back.

Two options: 1) Give up custody, or 2) Love your kids.

Loving your kids doesn't mean having a feeling of love for them. Rather, it's just taking a step back and caring enough just to observe them as the individuals they are. Right now you are too much in your own head about what you feel you need to do because you are their parent. But if you step away from that mindset and recognize that they are two humans that are interesting in their own right, you might find that you actually want to spend more time around them than you think.

I’m not the OP but your snarky response is ridiculous. You can love your kids and hate having them and wish you had your life back. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent and you can still love them but the regret of having kids whether you plan to have them or not and it’s not what you thought it would be or it is what you thought it would be and it’s that bad does not mean you’re a bad person and it also doesn’t mean you should give up custody. It just means you need to learn to cope and it sucks but the genies out of the bottle and you can’t put it back in. The truth is sometimes the regret dissipates and sometimes it doesn’t. It does not necessarily get easier when kids get older. It just gets different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the kind words. I was feeling down this morning but feeling better now.

It's been a tough few years. I went from being a SAHM with zero job skills, to divorced making $10/hour, and over the last 3 years managed to build my salary to $80k. Things are still tight, and unfortunately I ended up with quite a bit of credit card debt along the way (which still hangs heavy over me), so money stresses me out and every dollar I see leave hits me hard.

I also had severe PPD after my second child (coupled with depression over my xH cheating and us splitting up), so I've been in survival mode for some time and let SO many things like routines slide. Now it just feels overwhelming trying to build them back up. And everything just has SO much friction, even just getting the kids ready, everyone is running around and not listening.

Triage. Time will go by quickly and before you know it you will have a 9 year old and a 14 year old. Will be much easier. Just do whatever you need to do to make it.

As a parent of an 11-year-old and a 14-year-old I can tell you it does not get easier. That is complete myth. Actually it’s much harder and the easiest years are when the kids are from 0 to 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need mental health help. IT IS NOT NORMAL to regret having kids.

Many people regret having kids. You don’t know what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need mental health help. IT IS NOT NORMAL to regret having kids.

It was pretty normal before widely available birth control, ask many older members of my family.

Some people get pressured into having kids and don't realize it's not a good fit for them even today. It's quite possible you will like your kids more as they are OP.

+1 both of my grandmothers admitted to me that they never wanted children and regretted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the kind words. I was feeling down this morning but feeling better now.

It's been a tough few years. I went from being a SAHM with zero job skills, to divorced making $10/hour, and over the last 3 years managed to build my salary to $80k. Things are still tight, and unfortunately I ended up with quite a bit of credit card debt along the way (which still hangs heavy over me), so money stresses me out and every dollar I see leave hits me hard.

I also had severe PPD after my second child (coupled with depression over my xH cheating and us splitting up), so I've been in survival mode for some time and let SO many things like routines slide. Now it just feels overwhelming trying to build them back up. And everything just has SO much friction, even just getting the kids ready, everyone is running around and not listening.

Triage. Time will go by quickly and before you know it you will have a 9 year old and a 14 year old. Will be much easier. Just do whatever you need to do to make it.

As a parent of an 11-year-old and a 14-year-old I can tell you it does not get easier. That is complete myth. Actually it’s much harder and the easiest years are when the kids are from 0 to 5.

This is such a personal thing and there's no blanket truth. I had three under four and let me tell you the elementary years are a walk in the park.