How do you cope if you regret having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It gets much easier, OP. My DCs are tweens & teens now and fun to be with. Hang in there.

I disagree. I have a tween and a teen and it’s not easier..

[Anonymous]

My brother is a widower with two children 4 and 7. Early on he was WTF am I doing being a parent. Now two years into it he has really grown into being a good Dad mostly by taking it one day at a time and realizing that he is the most important person in their lives. Now he deals with the chaos as just part of being a dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

What a sad life.

[Anonymous]

Some of you just love to complain.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so disturbing. Please get help, like seriously. If you feel this way your kids are already feeling it. It is not healthy for anyone.

[Anonymous]

I just don’t understand having 2 kids, with such an age gap that you regret. Didn’t the first one clue you in on what was involved? Hoping you find peace, for yourself and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

What a sad life.

I agree. It is sad: it sucks but I can’t do anything to change it.

[Anonymous]

I just posted. My kids are very happy. I am miserable but at least they are happy and thriving. I feel it is at my expense, which makes me sad. But again, nothing can be done to change that. You deal with what life gives you the best you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

What a sad life.

I agree. It is sad: it sucks but I can’t do anything to change it.

You can do a lot to change it, you're choosing not to.

[Anonymous]

I feel a lot of what op is saying, but I don’t regret having kids and I don’t hate it. I hate a lot of things about it. Well, hate is too strong a word. Like just recently I realized I’m going to have to sit down with my high school son and do every single writing assignment with him until he gets the hang of writing an essay. Which may be years based on where he is. No I do not want to go back to high school, which I hated with a passion at the time (but at least learned the basics of essay writing)! I am sad about revisiting high school English but I give myself a pat on the back every time I make some progress with him. And I think he appreciates it, when he’s not defensive. And yes all the scheduling and socializing that comes along with parenting and working full time is a lot. I have found that I like some of the parents I meet, though, and if I’m feeling too tired I just say so — I’m exhausted this week so if you don’t mind I’ll just drop off, thanks for understanding! People are sympathetic and understanding. Sounds like you’re just feeling burnout and need to give yourself a mental break. What will happen if you don’t worry for a week? Or if you skip an extracurricular activity because you need some down time? It’s ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

So a lot of us find joy in parenting. I literally could not come up with a long list of the things I “despise” about parenting. I am shocked at your shock!

Here are some really enjoyable things about parenting:

Introducing kids to fun new things and watching them enjoy it
Spending time together (hikes, cooking, reading together etc )
The way sometimes they say really off the wall stuff that just surprises you
Watching them grow emotionally
Enjoying holiday traditions and other seasonal fun
When they want to talk to you all about their day or whatever their interests are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

What a sad life.

I agree. It is sad: it sucks but I can’t do anything to change it.

You can do a lot to change it, you're choosing not to.

No, you can't change it. That is the point. Kids are here. Stressful job is here. Nothing is going to change. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

So a lot of us find joy in parenting. I literally could not come up with a long list of the things I “despise” about parenting. I am shocked at your shock!

Here are some really enjoyable things about parenting:

Introducing kids to fun new things and watching them enjoy it
Spending time together (hikes, cooking, reading together etc )
The way sometimes they say really off the wall stuff that just surprises you
Watching them grow emotionally
Enjoying holiday traditions and other seasonal fun
When they want to talk to you all about their day or whatever their interests are

I have never found enjoyment in any of those things. I don't enjoy holidays or family events. I never have. Not even as a kid. I had a bad childhood. People who have great childhoods want to replicate it by having kids. People with bad childhoods don't feel how you feel about any of it.

[Anonymous]

To the OP— I would talk to the kids’ dad about him having more physical custody. Maybe you just have the kids every other weekend, for example.

I also agree about seeking therapy/some form of psychiatric help. You sound depressed/overwhelmed. While of course some people regret having kids, it’s not a normal feeling. Getting help may improve things for you.