How do you cope if you regret having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give up custody. And stay out of their lives.

Stop being a troll. Op needs help and you aren't kind by kicking her when she is down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

What a sad life.

I agree. It is sad: it sucks but I can’t do anything to change it.

You can do a lot to change it, you're choosing not to.

No, you can't change it. That is the point. Kids are here. Stressful job is here. Nothing is going to change. It is what it is.

This is such a victim mentality. Yes the kids are here but you can find ways to decrease your stress levels. You chose to have them in stressful activities. You chose to have a stressful job. You chose to live in a stressful area. Life is a series of choices. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

So a lot of us find joy in parenting. I literally could not come up with a long list of the things I “despise” about parenting. I am shocked at your shock!

Here are some really enjoyable things about parenting:

Introducing kids to fun new things and watching them enjoy it
Spending time together (hikes, cooking, reading together etc )
The way sometimes they say really off the wall stuff that just surprises you
Watching them grow emotionally
Enjoying holiday traditions and other seasonal fun
When they want to talk to you all about their day or whatever their interests are

I have never found enjoyment in any of those things. I don't enjoy holidays or family events. I never have. Not even as a kid. I had a bad childhood. People who have great childhoods want to replicate it by having kids. People with bad childhoods don't feel how you feel about any of it.

So get therapy and get over it already. Why did you choose to have kids knowing you had a bad childhood? Abortion is legal.

[Anonymous]

There are a bunch of people on this thread that don’t seem to live under the pressures that OP has and/or don’t have some of the mental health issues that OP may have. Please note you can regret being a parent without having a mental health issue, but it does sound like OP may have something going on.

First, I would suggest that OP go to her primary care provider and ask for an anxiety/depression screening. She should try meds if she qualifies. This won’t make all the issues go away, but it may help you see past some of the chaos. I went on an SSRI for pain relief due to an autoimmune issue. And while o truly did not hit the radar for anxiety or depression, it has still eased perimenopause symptoms and made me less ticked off when people are doing stupid stuff.

Two, it sounds like money is very stressful. Are there things you could do to relieve that pressure? Would picking up food from a food bank help? Would cutting a kid’s dance class help? Your kids don’t have to do everything their peers are doing.

Third, a parenting workshop to help you figure out routines, etc. might help you. My husband and I had a kid with profound special needs and we went to a therapist who helped us figure out some new routines to help us when our world fundamentally shifted. It was like five sessions and we were both so glad we went.

Fourth, people find the word “regret” really triggering when it comes to kids. They are convinced that it means you must be a terrible parent and your kids know you feel that way. I disagree. My husband and I ended up with one kid that has profound intellectual disability and then the other kid had brain cancer before she turned two. We found out her brain cancer had recurred on our anniversary. We went out to dinner anyway and I was crying and my husband said “I wonder if we are going to get to the point where we wish we had never met, because this is all just too terribly hard.” It was completely honest.

We are now 10 years post chemo and 20 years happily married. But, I still wonder sometimes if we would have been better off getting genetic testing and not having our oldest. She has no ability to communicate, we have no way to protect her forever, it is hard to still change diapers, give baths, etc to a 16 year old. Do I “regret” having her? Maybe? It is hard to connect with a child that cannot communicate and barely knows I’m even in the room? Yes. Do I love her? I guess I do. It is hard to evaluate with a kid that doesn’t even know you are their mom. I know I desperately fear for her future.

But it doesn’t make me a bad mom. I’m still a really good mom, and you can be too. Even if you might have done things differently if you could go back and make different choices understanding the outcome better. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

So a lot of us find joy in parenting. I literally could not come up with a long list of the things I “despise” about parenting. I am shocked at your shock!

Here are some really enjoyable things about parenting:

Introducing kids to fun new things and watching them enjoy it
Spending time together (hikes, cooking, reading together etc )
The way sometimes they say really off the wall stuff that just surprises you
Watching them grow emotionally
Enjoying holiday traditions and other seasonal fun
When they want to talk to you all about their day or whatever their interests are

I have never found enjoyment in any of those things. I don't enjoy holidays or family events. I never have. Not even as a kid. I had a bad childhood. People who have great childhoods want to replicate it by having kids. People with bad childhoods don't feel how you feel about any of it.

You don’t find any enjoyment in spending time with your kids and watching them grow? Get help because that is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

So a lot of us find joy in parenting. I literally could not come up with a long list of the things I “despise” about parenting. I am shocked at your shock!

Here are some really enjoyable things about parenting:

Introducing kids to fun new things and watching them enjoy it
Spending time together (hikes, cooking, reading together etc )
The way sometimes they say really off the wall stuff that just surprises you
Watching them grow emotionally
Enjoying holiday traditions and other seasonal fun
When they want to talk to you all about their day or whatever their interests are

I have never found enjoyment in any of those things. I don't enjoy holidays or family events. I never have. Not even as a kid. I had a bad childhood. People who have great childhoods want to replicate it by having kids. People with bad childhoods don't feel how you feel about any of it.

You don’t find any enjoyment in spending time with your kids and watching them grow? Get help because that is not normal.

If Larlo wrote this and said he spent no time with his kids because he was building a multimillion dollar business, developing new technology and creating jobs and resented spending precious time off filled with kid demands, would you have said he was mentally ill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

So a lot of us find joy in parenting. I literally could not come up with a long list of the things I “despise” about parenting. I am shocked at your shock!

Here are some really enjoyable things about parenting:

Introducing kids to fun new things and watching them enjoy it
Spending time together (hikes, cooking, reading together etc )
The way sometimes they say really off the wall stuff that just surprises you
Watching them grow emotionally
Enjoying holiday traditions and other seasonal fun
When they want to talk to you all about their day or whatever their interests are

I have never found enjoyment in any of those things. I don't enjoy holidays or family events. I never have. Not even as a kid. I had a bad childhood. People who have great childhoods want to replicate it by having kids. People with bad childhoods don't feel how you feel about any of it.

You don’t find any enjoyment in spending time with your kids and watching them grow? Get help because that is not normal.

If Larlo wrote this and said he spent no time with his kids because he was building a multimillion dollar business, developing new technology and creating jobs and resented spending precious time off filled with kid demands, would you have said he was mentally ill?

Ok well I don’t think the first pp is doing anything revolutionary in her kid free time. But resounding yes, I would say the same to a dad. It is not normal for either parent to find no joy in your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

What a sad life.

There is no chance you can be a great mother and despise it that much. If your kids don't already know, they will eventually. It's said for all of you.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're not connecting with your children. That you're just serving them and certainly that can feel annoying. Are you kind and loving and connected with yourself? That's often reflected in all our other relationships, including with our children. Try meditating, being kind to yourself, healing, loving. Even if you didn't have children, you still wouldn't be happy bc it's the state of mind that is poisoning your peace, not the children. They haven't done anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

What a sad life.

There is no chance you can be a great mother and despise it that much. If your kids don't already know, they will eventually. It's said for all of you.

I am a great mom. They are aware I am not the happiest person. They are very happy. You can excel at things you don’t enjoy. It is exactly like work—you perform well at work if you have a sense of duty and a good work ethic…parenting is the same. You don’t have to love it to be good at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

So a lot of us find joy in parenting. I literally could not come up with a long list of the things I “despise” about parenting. I am shocked at your shock!

Here are some really enjoyable things about parenting:

Introducing kids to fun new things and watching them enjoy it
Spending time together (hikes, cooking, reading together etc )
The way sometimes they say really off the wall stuff that just surprises you
Watching them grow emotionally
Enjoying holiday traditions and other seasonal fun
When they want to talk to you all about their day or whatever their interests are

I have never found enjoyment in any of those things. I don't enjoy holidays or family events. I never have. Not even as a kid. I had a bad childhood. People who have great childhoods want to replicate it by having kids. People with bad childhoods don't feel how you feel about any of it.

You don’t find any enjoyment in spending time with your kids and watching them grow? Get help because that is not normal.

Yes, it is normal. Your normal is not for everyone. I like working. I don’t like parenting. Like most traditional men. I happen to be a woman. My grandmothers did not enjoy it either. Some people find it rewarding; others do not. That’s all.

[Anonymous]

It's borderline sadistic to regret your children and despise their existence.

[Anonymous]

Weekends get popping on the low

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I am a good parent. But I despise it. Honestly, it just feels like a prison sentence and I’m just counting down the years which is a terrible way to live, but that’s just the way it is. I have eight more years until they’re both in college at this point.

Why do you despise it?

I can’t believe I’d even have to come up with a list for despising parenting because it seems extremely obvious.

First, I was never someone who wanted to have kids because I didn’t see the appeal. I was literally physically pressured into it.

It’s all work.
no joy.
no time.
too expensive.

Being a full-time employee and being a mother is probably the worst situation I could’ve ever imagined, and I never wanted to do it but that’s the situation I’m in. And let’s add on a terrible commute to that.

Anxiety levels raise when you have kids because you have to worry about everything that’s another reason it sucks. I have high anxiety anyway, so having kids makes it worse.

I’m also extremely introverted and honestly working full-time and having kids is just too much for an extremely introverted person. There are too many social commitments that come over along with having children. So that sucks.

I love them, but if I could go back in time and never get married, I absolutely would because then I wouldn’t have been physically pressured to have kids I didn’t want to have.

I am a great mom. I do everything right but I absolutely despise every second of it, and it’s like a countdown until they go to college but then I’m gonna be angry because I will be very old and I have wasted all this time doing things that I did not want to do versus the things that I actually want to spend my time doing, which was not raising children.

And no, it does not get easier for people who say it’s easier that’s just ridiculous.
The absolute easiest time having kids is when they’re from 0 to 5, and I had difficult babies from a health perspective, and I still think it was easier then. One kid is in fifth grade and one kid is in eighth grade and no it’s not easier. It’s much harder because the amount of scheduling that has to be done with older kids with extra curricular activities and school is out of control, and I suspect that until they go to college, it’s just going to get harder every single year as the demands for extracurricular activities and then later college applications are going to ramp up even more. So, no, it’s not easier when they get older. It’s just different.

They know that they don’t have to have kids and then there won’t be pressure for them to have kids and they can either have kids or not have kids, but I will not be pressuring them to be a grandmother ever.

You can be an excellent mother and still hate doing it and believe it or not there are people like this. I am one of them and both my grandmothers were like this, too.

You can love people, be a great parent, and not enjoy it.

So a lot of us find joy in parenting. I literally could not come up with a long list of the things I “despise” about parenting. I am shocked at your shock!

Here are some really enjoyable things about parenting:

Introducing kids to fun new things and watching them enjoy it
Spending time together (hikes, cooking, reading together etc )
The way sometimes they say really off the wall stuff that just surprises you
Watching them grow emotionally
Enjoying holiday traditions and other seasonal fun
When they want to talk to you all about their day or whatever their interests are

I have never found enjoyment in any of those things. I don't enjoy holidays or family events. I never have. Not even as a kid. I had a bad childhood. People who have great childhoods want to replicate it by having kids. People with bad childhoods don't feel how you feel about any of it.

You don’t find any enjoyment in spending time with your kids and watching them grow? Get help because that is not normal.

Yes, it is normal. Your normal is not for everyone. I like working. I don’t like parenting. Like most traditional men. I happen to be a woman. My grandmothers did not enjoy it either. Some people find it rewarding; others do not. That’s all.

? Most men enjoy their children.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for your support and advice.

I’m feeling better - when I wrote this, I was also dealing with hormonal fluctuations (I sometimes get severe PMS), and feeling overall depressed.

On the bright side of things, today I was offered a job with a $20k raise over my currently salary. So that’s a relief. Hoping I’ll be out of debt in the next year and can breathe a little easier.

I’m looking into parenting classes so I can establish better routines. Right now the biggest and most frustrating issue is feeling like I have to constantly yell at everyone to get them to do anything.

I’m realizing it’s not my kids per se that I regret and resent. I regret the circumstances I brought them into this world, regret who their father is, and feel so overwhelmed I’ve had to build a career and raise young kids at the same time. It’s been a hard few years.