How do you cope if you regret having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have NEVER felt that way, and yet my now 20 year old was born a micro-preemie with special needs. My other kid also has a medical condition. It's just that I love kids, and always felt at my best as a parent. I love parenting.

It's perfectly OK if it's not your thing, but in that case, would the other parent be willing and able to take on more of their care? The priority is your children's well-being. They deserve a parent who does not resent them. You need to figure this out, OP.

You might feel differently if your kid had serious behavioral or personality issues.

+1 - you have a sample size of 2. Mothers of 2 kids or even three who think it's all them and parenting is wonderful can be insufferable. I don't like the phrase that you aren't a real mother if you have an only but frankly these mothers think they are humble but they aren't

[Anonymous]

OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced mom, 50/50 custody, 2 kids, 9 and 3. The setup now is a million times better than when I was married, but I still regret having kids (especially having a second).

Most days I feel like I’m just counting down the minutes until they go back to their dads’ and counting down the years until they leave for college. I always feel overwhelmed and like everyone understands this parenting thing except me. I resent that every day is a battle just to get them out the door, that I need to make snacks and drinks a million times a day, that they’re so damn expensive and I’ve watched all my money dwindle away.

I know it’s not their fault, I know I suck as a parent, I know they’re gonna end up with all kinds of problems because of this. But I can’t help that I really, truly regret all of this and just want my easy life back.

It will get so much better in a few years. Trust. Hang on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

+1. Once the 3 yr old gets a bit older, it will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

Are you too stupid to use birth control? Do you know where babies come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give up custody. And stay out of their lives.

That requires the other parent to accept full custody and the OP would be on the hook for child support, which costs more than whatever she is spending now, for real. Ppl here are so dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a child with chronic health issues and special needs here- I have zero sympathy for you. How sad, you have two healthy children that you know will grow up to be independent adults? Grow TF up.

You're gross

Weird take. A person who is raising a special needs kid and doesn't regret it calls out OP, a terrible mother, who has it easy and is ungrateful. Yeah, gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a child with chronic health issues and special needs here- I have zero sympathy for you. How sad, you have two healthy children that you know will grow up to be independent adults? Grow TF up.

You're gross

Weird take. A person who is raising a special needs kid and doesn't regret it calls out OP, a terrible mother, who has it easy and is ungrateful. Yeah, gross.

Not liking motherhood doesn't make someone a terrible mother. Abuse and neglect make someone a terrible mother. There's no evidence that OP is doing either.

Honestly some of you sound afraid to face your own feelings and are projecting a lot. It's ok to be vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

Who honored and blessed you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need mental health help. IT IS NOT NORMAL to regret having kids.

Of course it is. It's something the pro life crowd ignores.

That's why their families tend to have a lot of dysfunction. Source: my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

Are you too stupid to use birth control? Do you know where babies come from?

I like being a mom and am overall happy with my life. I am sorry if you can’t say the same, but it’s not normal.

People who admit regretting their kids act like they are doing something brave, saying the thing we are all thinking. But you’re not, and we are not. It’s not a normal way to feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

Are you too stupid to use birth control? Do you know where babies come from?

I like being a mom and am overall happy with my life. I am sorry if you can’t say the same, but it’s not normal.

People who admit regretting their kids act like they are doing something brave, saying the thing we are all thinking. But you’re not, and we are not. It’s not a normal way to feel.

I'm a SAHM to three kids, I chose to have them (planned, unlike you, because I'm not a dumbass). My kids are my whole life. I love being a mom and always wanted to be one and prioritize it over everything else.

But I can still have empathy and pity for OP because I understand that life and humans are complicated. Being nice to a fellow in a moment of vulnerability costs me nothing. I hope that someday if you're ever in a position where you're reaching out for help people offer it instead of kicking you when you're down. Kind of like I did when I said I think it's and stupid to get knocked up. What's wrong with you? Why can't you keep your legs together?

[Anonymous]

I know it’s not their fault, I know I suck as a parent, I know they’re gonna end up with all kinds of problems because of this. But I can’t help that I really, truly regret all of this and just want my easy life back

OP, you need to become a better human being. Don't assume you "suck" as a parent. You probably don't but too bad, get better, and stop using that as an excuse. Stop analyzing your happiness. No one cares. I don't care about whether you're happy or not, not one bit. You need to be more serious and rise to these adult challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what helps me is to remind myself this is supposed to suck. It’s simply another version of work. Kids used to not really be a choice and many mothers had few expectations. Modern parenting is horrible and isolating.

Try your very best to love your children. They need you!

Also remind yourself that these are difficult ages and you won’t always feel like this.

What?!! It’s supposed to suck?? I say this as someone who got pregnant by accident….being a mom is an honor and a blessing. Some of you all need help.

Are you too stupid to use birth control? Do you know where babies come from?

I like being a mom and am overall happy with my life. I am sorry if you can’t say the same, but it’s not normal.

People who admit regretting their kids act like they are doing something brave, saying the thing we are all thinking. But you’re not, and we are not. It’s not a normal way to feel.

I'm a SAHM to three kids, I chose to have them (planned, unlike you, because I'm not a dumbass). My kids are my whole life. I love being a mom and always wanted to be one and prioritize it over everything else.

But I can still have empathy and pity for OP because I understand that life and humans are complicated. Being nice to a fellow in a moment of vulnerability costs me nothing. I hope that someday if you're ever in a position where you're reaching out for help people offer it instead of kicking you when you're down. Kind of like I did when I said I think it's and stupid to get knocked up. What's wrong with you? Why can't you keep your legs together?

I think you think your post is making me feel bad and...it's not. I love being a mom so much I'm honestly baffled anyone could act like it's so awful, and think that everyone thinks it's awful.
Also I have a great career in addition to being a mom, I am so sorry you weren't also able to succeed in your career. That must feel bad, but there is no need to lash out at others. Just because you can't hack being a mom and working doesn't mean others can't do both.