How do you cope if you regret having kids?
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Anonymous
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Divorced mom, 50/50 custody, 2 kids, 9 and 3. The setup now is a million times better than when I was married, but I still regret having kids (especially having a second).
Most days I feel like I’m just counting down the minutes until they go back to their dads’ and counting down the years until they leave for college. I always feel overwhelmed and like everyone understands this parenting thing except me. I resent that every day is a battle just to get them out the door, that I need to make snacks and drinks a million times a day, that they’re so damn expensive and I’ve watched all my money dwindle away. I know it’s not their fault, I know I suck as a parent, I know they’re gonna end up with all kinds of problems because of this. But I can’t help that I really, truly regret all of this and just want my easy life back. |
Anonymous
| Give up custody. And stay out of their lives. |
Anonymous
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You don't suck as a parent, OP - you sound justifiably burnt out. I'm guessing every parent feels this way at some point, whether they will admit it or not.
I don't know what to say that will help so I will just offer a virtual hug and the hope that you can enjoy the time to yourself next time they are with their dad and use it to catch your breath. |
Anonymous
| 3 year old is hard. Is the 9 year old able to do more things for themselves? Getting drinks and snacks etc seems like a good level of self responsibility. I have a 9 and 6 year old and it's much easier. Still very expensive etc but more fun than when they were little in my opinion. |
Anonymous
| Lower your expectations and accept that suffering is a part of life. |
Anonymous
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Ugh. Parenting is really tough. I admit that I went through a phase when my kids were at tough ages of being jealous of a divorced friend because she had shared custody of her child so had half the week to herself. All I can say is that it gets easier as they get older.
But in the meantime look into therapy or parenting classes for yourself - some coping strategies would really help parenting go more smoothly. From your post I can tell you know if it's obvious to your kids you're unhappy when they are around that's going to cause lasting damage. Not to mention behavior issues that makes managing them even harder. |
Anonymous
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Can you get family to watch them from time to time?
or a friend? can you do stuff outside with them as inside the house will feel like you don't have space. go , to the mall with them. walks, playground. |
Anonymous
| ...and also adding you're not alone. Parenting is really hard and doesn't come naturally to everyone. Be kind to yourself. It can and will get better. |
Anonymous
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Yikes. Stop trying to be perfect. The advice to give up custody is good. But otherwise let things go. At least you get a break for your hobbies. Try to enjoy them outside the house and do fun things.
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Anonymous
Two options: 1) Give up custody, or 2) Love your kids. Loving your kids doesn't mean having a feeling of love for them. Rather, it's just taking a step back and caring enough just to observe them as the individuals they are. Right now you are too much in your own head about what you feel you need to do because you are their parent. But if you step away from that mindset and recognize that they are two humans that are interesting in their own right, you might find that you actually want to spend more time around them than you think. |
Anonymous
+1 OP, you sound selfish. You are aware you shouldn’t have had kids - but it was your choice and now you have to make the best of that choice. Don’t destroy these little people because you made a bad choice. Choose to be a better parent. Choose to love them. You’ve got this. |
Anonymous
| Lean into being the best mom. Parenting is so hard, but love is action. Cope by doing the best the you can. |
Anonymous
| Do your kids have any developmental needs? My oldest was diagnosed with autism when she was 5 and my youngest was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 8 and all of a sudden I realized I had been parenting on hard mode. It didn't make anything easier, but understanding that our difficulties weren't my fault was so freeing. |
Anonymous
| The 9 yr old should be capable of handling their own snacks and drinks. And 3 is a rough age. I think maybe it would help you to think about the positives of them each day. If you look for the good, you'll find it. |
Anonymous
| OP has them 50%. She can be present for that 50%. |