Can swinging save sexless marriages or does it just delay the divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds great! You’ve managed to bring yourselves closer and find more sexual fulfillment together, not separately. I’ve known plenty of couples who seem to do as well or better in the lifestyle than they were before. Just make sure you always have complete open communication.

Wondering genuinely whether clubs like this require testing and people have to make test results available to each other. DCUM has a fair share of "Go away, don't mention STDs, no one cares" lurkers who hate this topic, but it does actually matter. I'm really not questioning or judging the existence of the clubs etc., but wondering how participants can feel they can relax enough, if they don't have some assurance about basic sexual health.

PP. Yes, many events and some clubs have stringent expectations about recent testing and/or condom use. But yes, there are quite a few where this isn’t necessary and TBH protection is neither as uniform nor as widespread as I personally would think wise.

And to the poster who seemed to doubt about the existence of lifestyle clubs - these are a real thing and they’re hardly a secret. Plenty of them can be found in Google Maps searches. They don’t want to be shamed or hidden, they just want to be selective for people who want to use their services, not just those with prurient interest in them.

This area is practically the capital of the country for swinging and BDSM clubs.

Can you recommend couple “elite” clubs with STD testing ? Single very good looking 40s F here interested in BDSM.

[Anonymous]

I would steer clear of deviant people during a crisis in your marriage. I suspect this was written by a man, however you have more issues than problems in a marriage. I knew a guy who was in that lifestyle for years though in committed relationships. Of course, once they found out his little problem they all ended in divorce, or in break ups. He had some type of psychopathy because he was a voyager and exhibitionist along with a few other things. Those groups of course attract many such types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are dancing around the word. Is DH potentially a c*ckold?

For some odd reason (social contagion maybe?), that fetish appears to have exploded in popularity of late.

If that’s what is happening here, it makes sense OP might theoretically be open to it. MOST women would be open to it, frankly.

No most grounded women certainly would not lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds great! You’ve managed to bring yourselves closer and find more sexual fulfillment together, not separately. I’ve known plenty of couples who seem to do as well or better in the lifestyle than they were before. Just make sure you always have complete open communication.

Wondering genuinely whether clubs like this require testing and people have to make test results available to each other. DCUM has a fair share of "Go away, don't mention STDs, no one cares" lurkers who hate this topic, but it does actually matter. I'm really not questioning or judging the existence of the clubs etc., but wondering how participants can feel they can relax enough, if they don't have some assurance about basic sexual health.

There is this thing called condom. Maybe you didn't know about it. Google it. Now you know.

Ignoramus. Some STDs can be spread in ways other than penetrative sex. And for penetrative sex, condoms are never a guarantee against STDs, just like they're never a guarantee against pregnancy. Google it. Now you know.

Oh no, it's STD lady. Don't bother arguing with her, you can't win. She only has monogamous sex with one virgin man her whole life on clean cotton sheets. The rest of us are just running around spreading diseases no matter what we do.

She's is right. There's no safe sex with groups of people. You are playing the odds with your health and deflecting by calling her names isn't very intelligent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’d rather get an STD than not have sex at all.

This mindset is really flawed, OP. Catch the wrong STD and you won’t be having sex with anyone. Please protect yourself.

The ignorance is mind blowing. We had a friend who died of HPV throat cancer. I kid you not most didn't understand how one gets that. My nephew had aids, didn't die from that, but an aids related cancer. Should be more awareness, but it's not stuff people want to write about, or hear about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our 20 year mark we visited a life style club purely out of curiosity and maybe sexual boredom. For the next five years we’d visit a club or take a cruise a few times a year. We’d always be together with another couple and never with a large group though we did observe them and it wasn’t for us. After five years we actually tired of the scene and eventually stopped going. Our sex life is fine and monogamous and while we’ve talked about finding a like minded couple I don’t see it happening. We are your average UMC empty nest couple so our old behavior would shock our friends.

average umc couple...? Really

[Anonymous]

op is your husband p diddy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op is your husband p diddy?

LOL
I think a guy posted this talking about his wife. I suspect OP is someone with more issues than having a sexless marriage. We won't hear if he has porn, sex, or voyeurism addictions which attracts such people to swinging groups. Also, men who are closeted Bi join those groups to engage with men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our 20 year mark we visited a life style club purely out of curiosity and maybe sexual boredom. For the next five years we’d visit a club or take a cruise a few times a year. We’d always be together with another couple and never with a large group though we did observe them and it wasn’t for us. After five years we actually tired of the scene and eventually stopped going. Our sex life is fine and monogamous and while we’ve talked about finding a like minded couple I don’t see it happening. We are your average UMC empty nest couple so our old behavior would shock our friends.

average umc couple...? Really

My adult kids would deprogram me or have me committed. The thing is pp doesn't know those people. Their hygiene or health among other things.

[Anonymous]

This area is practically the capital of the country for swinging and BDSM clubs.

Can you recommend couple “elite” clubs with STD testing ? Single very good looking 40s F here interested in BDSM.

Most clubs require that someone who is a member invite you to join. However, they usually have open events once a month.

If you are truly a good-looking F, you will have no problem getting an invitation to join after the event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure that my knee jerk instinct is that it just delays the divorce (However, I don’t know of any couples doing it, so who knows?).

But. After years of trying and failing to have sex with my husband I told him that it was a dealbreaker and I suggested opening the marriage. He said no but he finally acknowledged that we had a real problem.

Almost on a whim, he suggested we go to a strip club. It’s not really my thing, but this was huge for him to be try to address The Problem and I agreed. While looking for one, we stumbled upon a lifestyle club website and went there instead.

We had a great time and afterward he finally shared that he had some kinks that caused him shame. The issue all those years was him not feeling attracted without it. The kink itself is pretty common but he grew up in a household where everything that felt good was bad.

We’ve been back a couple more times over the last year. Marriage is the best it’s ever been in 20+ years. We’re having lots of sex, always by ourselves except at the club. We are no longer constantly bickering over stupid stuff. He’s been so much better with the housework, everything. It feels like a honeymoon. If we are heading down the path to divorce, it’s a lovely, scenic path. I don’t think we were going to make it without a huge change anyway.

I know DCUM tends to be pretty conservative about these things, but curious if anyone has experience or advice?

My wife and I have been dabbling in this for years. We have done full swap same room play with couples and the occasional single. I know it sounds crazy but both of us are very good at compartmentalizing this. We've been married 21 years and have no problems, but we never had problems. This emerged out of sheer mutual curiosity. We're so aligned in our overall values that I don't worry about any potential negative effects, because for more than 10 years there haven't been any. This is only an every once in awhile thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure that my knee jerk instinct is that it just delays the divorce (However, I don’t know of any couples doing it, so who knows?).

But. After years of trying and failing to have sex with my husband I told him that it was a dealbreaker and I suggested opening the marriage. He said no but he finally acknowledged that we had a real problem.

Almost on a whim, he suggested we go to a strip club. It’s not really my thing, but this was huge for him to be try to address The Problem and I agreed. While looking for one, we stumbled upon a lifestyle club website and went there instead.

We had a great time and afterward he finally shared that he had some kinks that caused him shame. The issue all those years was him not feeling attracted without it. The kink itself is pretty common but he grew up in a household where everything that felt good was bad.

We’ve been back a couple more times over the last year. Marriage is the best it’s ever been in 20+ years. We’re having lots of sex, always by ourselves except at the club. We are no longer constantly bickering over stupid stuff. He’s been so much better with the housework, everything. It feels like a honeymoon. If we are heading down the path to divorce, it’s a lovely, scenic path. I don’t think we were going to make it without a huge change anyway.

I know DCUM tends to be pretty conservative about these things, but curious if anyone has experience or advice?

My wife and I have been dabbling in this for years. We have done full swap same room play with couples and the occasional single. I know it sounds crazy but both of us are very good at compartmentalizing this. We've been married 21 years and have no problems, but we never had problems. This emerged out of sheer mutual curiosity. We're so aligned in our overall values that I don't worry about any potential negative effects, because for more than 10 years there haven't been any. This is only an every once in awhile thing.

You are the exception rather than the rule. It's estimated 2% of the adult population of the U.S. are swingers, if you google or AI it comes up as a high risk practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This area is practically the capital of the country for swinging and BDSM clubs.

Can you recommend couple “elite” clubs with STD testing ? Single very good looking 40s F here interested in BDSM.

Most clubs require that someone who is a member invite you to join. However, they usually have open events once a month.

If you are truly a good-looking F, you will have no problem getting an invitation to join after the event.

Sorry I’m dumb - what are the names of the clubs ?

[Anonymous]

I knew a couple like this. They also got high together. He ended up shooting her in front of her teenage daughter and then killing himself. She was about to leave him. He threatened suicide and when she struggled to get the gun from him, it went off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’d rather get an STD than not have sex at all.

This mindset is really flawed, OP. Catch the wrong STD and you won’t be having sex with anyone. Please protect yourself.

The ignorance is mind blowing. We had a friend who died of HPV throat cancer. I kid you not most didn't understand how one gets that. My nephew had aids, didn't die from that, but an aids related cancer. Should be more awareness, but it's not stuff people want to write about, or hear about.

I usually scoff at people who talk about STDs when it comes to infidelity, but for a community that’s promiscuous it does seem like a clear and present danger. Also DC has a relatively high HIV rate and men who have sex with men contract HIV at much higher rates than normal. I’m guessing swingers are also more open minded about same sex relations. Be incredibly careful.