Can swinging save sexless marriages or does it just delay the divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading between the lines of OP’s post, the broader issues were:

- sexless marriage + not talking about it

How common is that here on DCUM ?

OP here. You are right. We spent years just barely talking about it. I was afraid to probe. Afraid the answer might be something I couldn’t deal with and I didn’t want to divorce. And for a long time, this worked. We got along fine; we were in a partnership raising kids. Then we stopped getting along, and it became unbearable to me. I don’t believe that he really understood why until all these talks. He was feeling lack of desire for me but didn't really understand the reason why.
I am sharing our experience because I’m sure it’s a common problem on DCUM and elsewhere. I would urge other people to be braver than we were about this very difficult topic.

OP, is he into men? Is he bisexual? I’m sure you won’t answer, but here’s my advice, assuming he isn’t fully gay.

He explored his sexuality. You need to give him an ultimatum: if he’s choosing you now, he needs to be monogamous (if you aren’t comfortable with this lifestyle of swinging and clubs.) Just like a straight person who willingly married a blonde with small boobs who really gets off on brunettes with huge milkers, this isn’t an excuse for him to be allowed run off with brunettes. He needs to figure it out, like yesterday.

This would be my hypothesis.

The op has been back, so she is real. Also weighing in favor of her authenticity: she’s keeping dh’s kink or fetish private, which most married people would do.

Good for you, op! its your right.

I disagree with those saying the DH ‘s kink or fetish is bi or gay. That’s a dealbreaker for almost all married women. I think it’s something much more common.

We are from Europe, and there, it is common or even popular to go to a beach which is topless, or even nude/ “clothing optional.” Many find this very attractive and exciting. I guess one of the fetishes associated with doing this is called exhibitionism. Maybe he wants to be nude in front of strangers; maybe it’s seeing his wife being naked in front of other men. Who knows?

The part about op s man going to a club, in front of other people, suggests this an element of his repressed desire.

Why is bi a dealbreaker for most married woman? I agree with the other poster. That would have been my first assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading between the lines of OP’s post, the broader issues were:

- sexless marriage + not talking about it

How common is that here on DCUM ?

OP here. You are right. We spent years just barely talking about it. I was afraid to probe. Afraid the answer might be something I couldn’t deal with and I didn’t want to divorce. And for a long time, this worked. We got along fine; we were in a partnership raising kids. Then we stopped getting along, and it became unbearable to me. I don’t believe that he really understood why until all these talks. He was feeling lack of desire for me but didn't really understand the reason why.
I am sharing our experience because I’m sure it’s a common problem on DCUM and elsewhere. I would urge other people to be braver than we were about this very difficult topic.

OP, is he into men? Is he bisexual? I’m sure you won’t answer, but here’s my advice, assuming he isn’t fully gay.

He explored his sexuality. You need to give him an ultimatum: if he’s choosing you now, he needs to be monogamous (if you aren’t comfortable with this lifestyle of swinging and clubs.) Just like a straight person who willingly married a blonde with small boobs who really gets off on brunettes with huge milkers, this isn’t an excuse for him to be allowed run off with brunettes. He needs to figure it out, like yesterday.

This would be my hypothesis.

The op has been back, so she is real. Also weighing in favor of her authenticity: she’s keeping dh’s kink or fetish private, which most married people would do.

Good for you, op! its your right.

I disagree with those saying the DH ‘s kink or fetish is bi or gay. That’s a dealbreaker for almost all married women. I think it’s something much more common.

We are from Europe, and there, it is common or even popular to go to a beach which is topless, or even nude/ “clothing optional.” Many find this very attractive and exciting. I guess one of the fetishes associated with doing this is called exhibitionism. Maybe he wants to be nude in front of strangers; maybe it’s seeing his wife being naked in front of other men. Who knows?

The part about op s man going to a club, in front of other people, suggests this an element of his repressed desire.

Why is bi a dealbreaker for most married woman? I agree with the other poster. That would have been my first assumption.

It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me theoretically, something sexy about a man whose drive is so high he thinks everything is hot. But I don’t think I could be with a man who is actively sleeping with other men. HIV is still too prevalent in the MSM community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are dancing around the word. Is DH potentially a c*ckold?

For some odd reason (social contagion maybe?), that fetish appears to have exploded in popularity of late.

If that’s what is happening here, it makes sense OP might theoretically be open to it. MOST women would be open to it, frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are dancing around the word. Is DH potentially a c*ckold?

For some odd reason (social contagion maybe?), that fetish appears to have exploded in popularity of late.

If that’s what is happening here, it makes sense OP might theoretically be open to it. MOST women would be open to it, frankly.

Most women are open to it. Remember the post where women said what they'd do with a second husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are dancing around the word. Is DH potentially a c*ckold?

That’s what I assumed reading through the thread and/or he is submissive. Pretty common stuff and maybe the sex club helps him indulge that side. Well good for both of them, I guess!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are dancing around the word. Is DH potentially a c*ckold?

That’s what I assumed reading through the thread and/or he is submissive. Pretty common stuff and maybe the sex club helps him indulge that side. Well good for both of them, I guess!

for the unaware, a “cuckhold” relationship has been around for centuries and is one where the male in an otherwise monogamous relationship consents to having another man, ahem, “satisfy” his wife with his knowledge, and usually in his presence.

In modern terms, this is usually done as a kink or fetish usually to excite the male, but obviously with the woman’s agreement too. There is a dominance/submissive element to the kink, but most sexual relationships involve some level of sub/dom (who has not heard it said “I like the man to take charge in bed” ? - that is sub/dom).

The counterpart is a cuckquean or cuckqueen - where the woman desires viewing her man sexually satisfying another woman.

While I am academically aware of these kinks, they do nothing for me and I don’t pretend to understand why people want these, but I know some do.

No judgement on OP & her hubby; whatever his kink is, it’s just nice they have reconnected as a married couple.

[Anonymous]

I don't care how many std tests a stranger takes, if I am married I am not kidding them or f**g them. I'll continue enjoy the beautiful raw sex I have with my wife. Condoms aren't enough for me to take a chance with a stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading between the lines of OP’s post, the broader issues were:

- sexless marriage + not talking about it

How common is that here on DCUM ?

OP here. You are right. We spent years just barely talking about it. I was afraid to probe. Afraid the answer might be something I couldn’t deal with and I didn’t want to divorce. And for a long time, this worked. We got along fine; we were in a partnership raising kids. Then we stopped getting along, and it became unbearable to me. I don’t believe that he really understood why until all these talks. He was feeling lack of desire for me but didn't really understand the reason why.
I am sharing our experience because I’m sure it’s a common problem on DCUM and elsewhere. I would urge other people to be braver than we were about this very difficult topic.

OP, is he into men? Is he bisexual? I’m sure you won’t answer, but here’s my advice, assuming he isn’t fully gay.

He explored his sexuality. You need to give him an ultimatum: if he’s choosing you now, he needs to be monogamous (if you aren’t comfortable with this lifestyle of swinging and clubs.) Just like a straight person who willingly married a blonde with small boobs who really gets off on brunettes with huge milkers, this isn’t an excuse for him to be allowed run off with brunettes. He needs to figure it out, like yesterday.

This would be my hypothesis.

The op has been back, so she is real. Also weighing in favor of her authenticity: she’s keeping dh’s kink or fetish private, which most married people would do.

Good for you, op! its your right.

I disagree with those saying the DH ‘s kink or fetish is bi or gay. That’s a dealbreaker for almost all married women. I think it’s something much more common.

We are from Europe, and there, it is common or even popular to go to a beach which is topless, or even nude/ “clothing optional.” Many find this very attractive and exciting. I guess one of the fetishes associated with doing this is called exhibitionism. Maybe he wants to be nude in front of strangers; maybe it’s seeing his wife being naked in front of other men. Who knows?

The part about op s man going to a club, in front of other people, suggests this an element of his repressed desire.

Oh, sweet summer child. You’d be shocked by how common it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are dancing around the word. Is DH potentially a c*ckold?

I’d agree if not for the op stating:

The kink itself is pretty common but he grew up in a household where everything that felt good was bad

I think he was into men from a young age but had strict, conservative parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are dancing around the word. Is DH potentially a c*ckold?

For some odd reason (social contagion maybe?), that fetish appears to have exploded in popularity of late.

If that’s what is happening here, it makes sense OP might theoretically be open to it. MOST women would be open to it, frankly.

Most women are open to it. Remember the post where women said what they'd do with a second husband?

Typical DCUM blindness: Just because a bunch of self-selecting responders claimed, in an anonymous forum, that they might be into anything, does not create a statistic where "most women are open to" anything, sexual or otherwise. Are you and the previous PP just that naive, that you don't think trolling goes on here, or that you believe responses on one DCUM thread constitute a fact?

Whenever someone here says "most" of any group is into anything, it's based on nothing but their own desires plus the supposed confirmation of strangers on a faceless, self-selecting forum.

Note that I said nothing about the specific thing you're claiming people are into. Some folks want the c*ck life. That's not the point. The point is: It's arrogant and ill-informed to claim "most women" are into anything, sexual or otherwise, based on DCUM, or based on your own experience--which also does not constitute a universal truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are dancing around the word. Is DH potentially a c*ckold?

For some odd reason (social contagion maybe?), that fetish appears to have exploded in popularity of late.

If that’s what is happening here, it makes sense OP might theoretically be open to it. MOST women would be open to it, frankly.

Most women are open to it. Remember the post where women said what they'd do with a second husband?

Typical DCUM blindness: Just because a bunch of self-selecting responders claimed, in an anonymous forum, that they might be into anything, does not create a statistic where "most women are open to" anything, sexual or otherwise. Are you and the previous PP just that naive, that you don't think trolling goes on here, or that you believe responses on one DCUM thread constitute a fact?

Whenever someone here says "most" of any group is into anything, it's based on nothing but their own desires plus the supposed confirmation of strangers on a faceless, self-selecting forum.

Note that I said nothing about the specific thing you're claiming people are into. Some folks want the c*ck life. That's not the point. The point is: It's arrogant and ill-informed to claim "most women" are into anything, sexual or otherwise, based on DCUM, or based on your own experience--which also does not constitute a universal truth.

OP, I feel for you. I’ve been there. It absolutely SUCKS and is gut wrenching to be faced with this, to have this choice to make.

Some women are into it. But it’s okay if you aren’t one of these women.

He didn’t give you the full truth before he chose to marry you, so now this is his burden, not yours. The unfortunate truth of that is, if it’s a deal breaker for him and a deal breaker for you, that leaves you only one option. I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are dancing around the word. Is DH potentially a c*ckold?

For some odd reason (social contagion maybe?), that fetish appears to have exploded in popularity of late.

If that’s what is happening here, it makes sense OP might theoretically be open to it. MOST women would be open to it, frankly.

Most women are open to it. Remember the post where women said what they'd do with a second husband?

Typical DCUM blindness: Just because a bunch of self-selecting responders claimed, in an anonymous forum, that they might be into anything, does not create a statistic where "most women are open to" anything, sexual or otherwise. Are you and the previous PP just that naive, that you don't think trolling goes on here, or that you believe responses on one DCUM thread constitute a fact?

Whenever someone here says "most" of any group is into anything, it's based on nothing but their own desires plus the supposed confirmation of strangers on a faceless, self-selecting forum.

Note that I said nothing about the specific thing you're claiming people are into. Some folks want the c*ck life. That's not the point. The point is: It's arrogant and ill-informed to claim "most women" are into anything, sexual or otherwise, based on DCUM, or based on your own experience--which also does not constitute a universal truth.

As a woman's what's not to like? Get to explore and have limitless encounters at your own discretion and your husband supports it? Sounds like a win, and way better than a dead bedroom or settling for a subpar sex life.

[Anonymous]

It is so funny how different people are interpreting OP’s post. I interpreted the fact that they are having sex with each other at a club to mean that OP’s husband just likes people watching them. And I’m kind of surprised no one else is guessing it? 😂🤣😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is so funny how different people are interpreting OP’s post. I interpreted the fact that they are having sex with each other at a club to mean that OP’s husband just likes people watching them. And I’m kind of surprised no one else is guessing it? 😂🤣😂

She mentioned his childhood. Why would she intentionally mention his parents and his childhood if it was that? It sounds more like his parents beat it into him that liking men is wrong. That’s the impression I got.

If they found him masturbating in public, I doubt OP would be saying, “Yeah, his parents didn’t care if it felt good, because masturbating in public is taboo.” Or, “Our child is into watching other men take his wife and we don’t care if that feels good, it’s wrong.” What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is so funny how different people are interpreting OP’s post. I interpreted the fact that they are having sex with each other at a club to mean that OP’s husband just likes people watching them. And I’m kind of surprised no one else is guessing it? 😂🤣😂

I guessed exhibitionism.