Can swinging save sexless marriages or does it just delay the divorce?

[Anonymous]

I’m pretty sure that my knee jerk instinct is that it just delays the divorce (However, I don’t know of any couples doing it, so who knows?).

But. After years of trying and failing to have sex with my husband I told him that it was a dealbreaker and I suggested opening the marriage. He said no but he finally acknowledged that we had a real problem.

Almost on a whim, he suggested we go to a strip club. It’s not really my thing, but this was huge for him to be try to address The Problem and I agreed. While looking for one, we stumbled upon a lifestyle club website and went there instead.

We had a great time and afterward he finally shared that he had some kinks that caused him shame. The issue all those years was him not feeling attracted without it. The kink itself is pretty common but he grew up in a household where everything that felt good was bad.

We’ve been back a couple more times over the last year. Marriage is the best it’s ever been in 20+ years. We’re having lots of sex, always by ourselves except at the club. We are no longer constantly bickering over stupid stuff. He’s been so much better with the housework, everything. It feels like a honeymoon. If we are heading down the path to divorce, it’s a lovely, scenic path. I don’t think we were going to make it without a huge change anyway.

I know DCUM tends to be pretty conservative about these things, but curious if anyone has experience or advice?

[Anonymous]

Looks like it’s working for you. What advice do you need?

[Anonymous]

IF you stick to your boundaries of only having sex with others while at a swingers club, and otherwise remaining monogamous, it sounds like a good deal. I would just personally always have one eye open looking for signs of cheating. It may not be a physical affair either. Watch for emotional affairs that lead to financial infidelity (buying the other woman lots of gifts, paying her bills and such). Those are more ruinous than garden variety cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like it’s working for you. What advice do you need?

This.

You don’t need our permission to continue, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure that my knee jerk instinct is that it just delays the divorce (However, I don’t know of any couples doing it, so who knows?).

But. After years of trying and failing to have sex with my husband I told him that it was a dealbreaker and I suggested opening the marriage. He said no but he finally acknowledged that we had a real problem.

Almost on a whim, he suggested we go to a strip club. It’s not really my thing, but this was huge for him to be try to address The Problem and I agreed. While looking for one, we stumbled upon a lifestyle club website and went there instead.

We had a great time and afterward he finally shared that he had some kinks that caused him shame. The issue all those years was him not feeling attracted without it. The kink itself is pretty common but he grew up in a household where everything that felt good was bad.

We’ve been back a couple more times over the last year. Marriage is the best it’s ever been in 20+ years. We’re having lots of sex, always by ourselves except at the club. We are no longer constantly bickering over stupid stuff. He’s been so much better with the housework, everything. It feels like a honeymoon. If we are heading down the path to divorce, it’s a lovely, scenic path. I don’t think we were going to make it without a huge change anyway.

I know DCUM tends to be pretty conservative about these things, but curious if anyone has experience or advice?

Curious, what kind of kink are we talking about here?

[Anonymous]

How was the vibe at the club? We have toyed with the idea of going to a place like that, candidly just to experience the atmosphere, but aren’t sure how that would go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure that my knee jerk instinct is that it just delays the divorce (However, I don’t know of any couples doing it, so who knows?).

But. After years of trying and failing to have sex with my husband I told him that it was a dealbreaker and I suggested opening the marriage. He said no but he finally acknowledged that we had a real problem.

Almost on a whim, he suggested we go to a strip club. It’s not really my thing, but this was huge for him to be try to address The Problem and I agreed. While looking for one, we stumbled upon a lifestyle club website and went there instead.

We had a great time and afterward he finally shared that he had some kinks that caused him shame. The issue all those years was him not feeling attracted without it. The kink itself is pretty common but he grew up in a household where everything that felt good was bad.

We’ve been back a couple more times over the last year. Marriage is the best it’s ever been in 20+ years. We’re having lots of sex, always by ourselves except at the club. We are no longer constantly bickering over stupid stuff. He’s been so much better with the housework, everything. It feels like a honeymoon. If we are heading down the path to divorce, it’s a lovely, scenic path. I don’t think we were going to make it without a huge change anyway.

I know DCUM tends to be pretty conservative about these things, but curious if anyone has experience or advice?

Curious, what kind of kink are we talking about here?

It sounds like maybe he likes butt stuff!

[Anonymous]

That would speed up my divorce, not delay it

[Anonymous]

What exactly is a lifestyle club? Just a sex club where a bunch of adults come and have sex with each other?

I mean, go for it. Seems though now that you know about his kink…does it need to involve other people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure that my knee jerk instinct is that it just delays the divorce (However, I don’t know of any couples doing it, so who knows?).

But. After years of trying and failing to have sex with my husband I told him that it was a dealbreaker and I suggested opening the marriage. He said no but he finally acknowledged that we had a real problem.

Almost on a whim, he suggested we go to a strip club. It’s not really my thing, but this was huge for him to be try to address The Problem and I agreed. While looking for one, we stumbled upon a lifestyle club website and went there instead.

We had a great time and afterward he finally shared that he had some kinks that caused him shame. The issue all those years was him not feeling attracted without it. The kink itself is pretty common but he grew up in a household where everything that felt good was bad.

We’ve been back a couple more times over the last year. Marriage is the best it’s ever been in 20+ years. We’re having lots of sex, always by ourselves except at the club. We are no longer constantly bickering over stupid stuff. He’s been so much better with the housework, everything. It feels like a honeymoon. If we are heading down the path to divorce, it’s a lovely, scenic path. I don’t think we were going to make it without a huge change anyway.

I know DCUM tends to be pretty conservative about these things, but curious if anyone has experience or advice?

Curious, what kind of kink are we talking about here?

I'm guessing his kinks are around sharing?

[Anonymous]

Oscillating butt plug as a reward for doing the dishes. Interesting approach.

[Anonymous]

FWIW this inspired me to order a book on bsdm. Thx!

[Anonymous]

Well what do you think? I think this sounds like a total success story. I don’t think it has to do with swinging (which you are not really doing) but your husband finally being able to overcome some deep-seated shame. I’m actually really happy for you! Sounds like you should continue being more open and maybe he can get some therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure that my knee jerk instinct is that it just delays the divorce (However, I don’t know of any couples doing it, so who knows?).

But. After years of trying and failing to have sex with my husband I told him that it was a dealbreaker and I suggested opening the marriage. He said no but he finally acknowledged that we had a real problem.

Almost on a whim, he suggested we go to a strip club. It’s not really my thing, but this was huge for him to be try to address The Problem and I agreed. While looking for one, we stumbled upon a lifestyle club website and went there instead.

We had a great time and afterward he finally shared that he had some kinks that caused him shame. The issue all those years was him not feeling attracted without it. The kink itself is pretty common but he grew up in a household where everything that felt good was bad.

We’ve been back a couple more times over the last year. Marriage is the best it’s ever been in 20+ years. We’re having lots of sex, always by ourselves except at the club. We are no longer constantly bickering over stupid stuff. He’s been so much better with the housework, everything. It feels like a honeymoon. If we are heading down the path to divorce, it’s a lovely, scenic path. I don’t think we were going to make it without a huge change anyway.

I know DCUM tends to be pretty conservative about these things, but curious if anyone has experience or advice?

Curious, what kind of kink are we talking about here?

It sounds like maybe he likes butt stuff!

Actually it sounds like maybe you do.

[Anonymous]

Not sure it would delaying divorce, it would speed it up for me and I might use the suggestion in court to get a better deal