Can swinging save sexless marriages or does it just delay the divorce?

[Anonymous]

like STDs? Sex Addiction? Affairs. Opened a can of worms....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading between the lines of OP’s post, the broader issues were:

- sexless marriage + not talking about it

How common is that here on DCUM ?

OP here. You are right. We spent years just barely talking about it. I was afraid to probe. Afraid the answer might be something I couldn’t deal with and I didn’t want to divorce. And for a long time, this worked. We got along fine; we were in a partnership raising kids. Then we stopped getting along, and it became unbearable to me. I don’t believe that he really understood why until all these talks. He was feeling lack of desire for me but didn't really understand the reason why.
I am sharing our experience because I’m sure it’s a common problem on DCUM and elsewhere. I would urge other people to be braver than we were about this very difficult topic.

OP, is he into men? Is he bisexual? I’m sure you won’t answer, but here’s my advice, assuming he isn’t fully gay.

He explored his sexuality. You need to give him an ultimatum: if he’s choosing you now, he needs to be monogamous (if you aren’t comfortable with this lifestyle of swinging and clubs.) Just like a straight person who willingly married a blonde with small boobs who really gets off on brunettes with huge milkers, this isn’t an excuse for him to be allowed run off with brunettes. He needs to figure it out, like yesterday.

[Anonymous]

I’d rather get an STD than not have sex at all.

This mindset is really flawed, OP. Catch the wrong STD and you won’t be having sex with anyone. Please protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds great! You’ve managed to bring yourselves closer and find more sexual fulfillment together, not separately. I’ve known plenty of couples who seem to do as well or better in the lifestyle than they were before. Just make sure you always have complete open communication.

Wondering genuinely whether clubs like this require testing and people have to make test results available to each other. DCUM has a fair share of "Go away, don't mention STDs, no one cares" lurkers who hate this topic, but it does actually matter. I'm really not questioning or judging the existence of the clubs etc., but wondering how participants can feel they can relax enough, if they don't have some assurance about basic sexual health.

There is this thing called condom. Maybe you didn't know about it. Google it. Now you know.

Ignoramus. Some STDs can be spread in ways other than penetrative sex. And for penetrative sex, condoms are never a guarantee against STDs, just like they're never a guarantee against pregnancy. Google it. Now you know.

The only safe sex is no sex. We’ve always known this. And yet we do it anyway. There are no guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with sex clubs is that activity favors women. I'm reasonably attractive, in good shape, blah blah blah. But nobody is going to mistake me for Tom Brady or George Clooney, if those are what women perceive as the ultimate. Yet my wife, who most men would generally find attractive could find action without lifting a finger.

This is only a problem if you’re a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’d rather get an STD than not have sex at all.

This mindset is really flawed, OP. Catch the wrong STD and you won’t be having sex with anyone. Please protect yourself.

Which STD is this? People live full lives with HIV treatment. It’s not a death sentence anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’d rather get an STD than not have sex at all.

This mindset is really flawed, OP. Catch the wrong STD and you won’t be having sex with anyone. Please protect yourself.

Which STD is this? People live full lives with HIV treatment. It’s not a death sentence anymore.

I have a friend who had most of her vagina removed because of HPV. She isn’t having sex anymore, and I’m sure she’s not alone.

Also, I hope people with HIV aren’t casually having sex with multiple partners at swingers or bdsm clubs, are you seriously promoting this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’d rather get an STD than not have sex at all.

This mindset is really flawed, OP. Catch the wrong STD and you won’t be having sex with anyone. Please protect yourself.

Which STD is this? People live full lives with HIV treatment. It’s not a death sentence anymore.

Yikes, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’d rather get an STD than not have sex at all.

This mindset is really flawed, OP. Catch the wrong STD and you won’t be having sex with anyone. Please protect yourself.

Which STD is this? People live full lives with HIV treatment. It’s not a death sentence anymore.

I have a friend who had most of her vagina removed because of HPV. She isn’t having sex anymore, and I’m sure she’s not alone.

Also, I hope people with HIV aren’t casually having sex with multiple partners at swingers or bdsm clubs, are you seriously promoting this?

NP who doesn't think promiscuity is where it's at... but, OP, do go get the HPV vaccine if you haven't (and your DH too) before you do anything. Not a bad idea just to get it anyway in case he cheats if you don't open things up.

[Anonymous]

At our 20 year mark we visited a life style club purely out of curiosity and maybe sexual boredom. For the next five years we’d visit a club or take a cruise a few times a year. We’d always be together with another couple and never with a large group though we did observe them and it wasn’t for us. After five years we actually tired of the scene and eventually stopped going. Our sex life is fine and monogamous and while we’ve talked about finding a like minded couple I don’t see it happening. We are your average UMC empty nest couple so our old behavior would shock our friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I opened the marriage- it’s been 2 years, I don’t think we will divorce any time soon. We don’t advertise it and nobody would suspect.

How do you find other people if no one suspects?

I was wondering this too

[Anonymous]

What was the shameful kink?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with sex clubs is that activity favors women. I'm reasonably attractive, in good shape, blah blah blah. But nobody is going to mistake me for Tom Brady or George Clooney, if those are what women perceive as the ultimate. Yet my wife, who most men would generally find attractive could find action without lifting a finger.

If you're even a little bit attracted to the same-sex, you should market yourself as "Straight dad seeks relief after work". You will get action, and tons of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with sex clubs is that activity favors women. I'm reasonably attractive, in good shape, blah blah blah. But nobody is going to mistake me for Tom Brady or George Clooney, if those are what women perceive as the ultimate. Yet my wife, who most men would generally find attractive could find action without lifting a finger.

If you're even a little bit attracted to the same-sex, you should market yourself as "Straight dad seeks relief after work". You will get action, and tons of it.

It seems you have experience in that real 😉

[Anonymous]

*realm