Advice - Fitting in With Other Black Kids

[Anonymous]

Culturally an African immigrant and African American are very different.

I’m Asian American married to another Asian American. I do not have any close Asian immigrant friends. This was not on purpose but I never really clicked with the kids, now adults, who are actually from Asia. I have Asian American friends from various ethnic backgrounds but they are all very western.

I don’t think your daughter has to try to be friends with the African American girls if she has a nice friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Culturally an African immigrant and African American are very different.

I’m Asian American married to another Asian American. I do not have any close Asian immigrant friends. This was not on purpose but I never really clicked with the kids, now adults, who are actually from Asia. I have Asian American friends from various ethnic backgrounds but they are all very western.

I don’t think your daughter has to try to be friends with the African American girls if she has a nice friend group.

You are not African. You are not African American. What exactly is your expertise here? Additionally it sounds like the child herself is not an immigrant but is first generation. The cultural lines between first generation descendants of Africans and the descendants of enslaved Africans quickly begin to blur as many first generation Africans begin to assimilate at least partially into black American culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Culturally an African immigrant and African American are very different.

I’m Asian American married to another Asian American. I do not have any close Asian immigrant friends. This was not on purpose but I never really clicked with the kids, now adults, who are actually from Asia. I have Asian American friends from various ethnic backgrounds but they are all very western.

I don’t think your daughter has to try to be friends with the African American girls if she has a nice friend group.

You are not African. You are not African American. What exactly is your expertise here? Additionally it sounds like the child herself is not an immigrant but is first generation. The cultural lines between first generation descendants of Africans and the descendants of enslaved Africans quickly begin to blur as many first generation Africans begin to assimilate at least partially into black American culture.

Not really--a black American

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is actually very typical. Black American kids will often “other” African students. It is a cultural thing that is difficult to overcome. I’m African and found that in college and the workforce it became easier to forget relationships with other Black American people but I agree with the other poster who said not to force it. She will just end up feeling excluded and getting her feelings hurt. They don’t accept her and they likely won’t but she has a good group friends who seem to really like her.

Let’s not ignore the fact that Africans routinely try to separate and “other” themselves from Black Americans. I find this to be the case more than Black folks trying to distinguish themselves from Africans.

Not necessarily. There could be cultural differences. And some Black Americans can treat whoever is different culturally from them in a mean way, yes Africans, West Indians, etc.

You are delusional and very much so a part of the problem if you don’t recognize or can’t admit that the problem goes both ways.

Anecdotally I’ve heard stories from a lot of black immigrants that their parents discouraged them from hanging out with African Americans because of the stigma associated with them. Pointing fingers to say who is more at fault does little to heal the divide but it is important to admit all parties have had a role in getting us to where we are today.

There isn't a divide to discuss. Just ok to admit we are different. There isn't a problem to solve

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Culturally an African immigrant and African American are very different.

I’m Asian American married to another Asian American. I do not have any close Asian immigrant friends. This was not on purpose but I never really clicked with the kids, now adults, who are actually from Asia. I have Asian American friends from various ethnic backgrounds but they are all very western.

I don’t think your daughter has to try to be friends with the African American girls if she has a nice friend group.

You are not African. You are not African American. What exactly is your expertise here? Additionally it sounds like the child herself is not an immigrant but is first generation. The cultural lines between first generation descendants of Africans and the descendants of enslaved Africans quickly begin to blur as many first generation Africans begin to assimilate at least partially into black American culture.

Not really--a black American

Yep. Not really. If you know African immigrants, they actually have very little in common with Black Americans other than skin color. I would say African immigrants' values and culture are more aligned with what I have observed in immigrant Asian families - i.e., prioritizing education at all costs and foregoing materialistic items like cars, name brand clothing, etc. as a sacrifice for educational advancement. Also, there is more of an emphasis on respecting elders and taking care of elder members of the family. I'm not saying this does not exist in Black American culture but in African and Asian cultures, it is really on another level - i.e., they frown on putting the elderly in homes or facilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's more of a class thing than race thing. Lower class people shun upper class people when they assume they won't be accepted into the upper clas society.

I agree with this. It is very similar to what goes on in Hispanic groups (if you are into intellectual things you are often teased and even bullied).

Do you know how you all sound? Making the underlying assumption that the African child is higher class and intellectual…and the black American students are all poor and anti intellectual and bullying her because of that. It’s a lot of bias tied up in these statements

AA and Hispanic kids do tend to tease kids for “being too white” (aka intellectual, nerdy, bookish, quiet - you choose).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's more of a class thing than race thing. Lower class people shun upper class people when they assume they won't be accepted into the upper clas society.

I agree with this. It is very similar to what goes on in Hispanic groups (if you are into intellectual things you are often teased and even bullied).

Do you know how you all sound? Making the underlying assumption that the African child is higher class and intellectual…and the black American students are all poor and anti intellectual and bullying her because of that. It’s a lot of bias tied up in these statements

AA and Hispanic kids do tend to tease kids for “being too white” (aka intellectual, nerdy, bookish, quiet - you choose).

This is an old trope that isn't true. Signed, an African American person who is intellectual, nerdy, bookish, and quiet. Other AAs will mention these qualities but in my 40+ years of the mentioners have not associated them with whiteness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Culturally an African immigrant and African American are very different.

I’m Asian American married to another Asian American. I do not have any close Asian immigrant friends. This was not on purpose but I never really clicked with the kids, now adults, who are actually from Asia. I have Asian American friends from various ethnic backgrounds but they are all very western.

I don’t think your daughter has to try to be friends with the African American girls if she has a nice friend group.

You are not African. You are not African American. What exactly is your expertise here? Additionally it sounds like the child herself is not an immigrant but is first generation. The cultural lines between first generation descendants of Africans and the descendants of enslaved Africans quickly begin to blur as many first generation Africans begin to assimilate at least partially into black American culture.

Not really--a black American

Yep. Not really. If you know African immigrants, they actually have very little in common with Black Americans other than skin color. I would say African immigrants' values and culture are more aligned with what I have observed in immigrant Asian families - i.e., prioritizing education at all costs and foregoing materialistic items like cars, name brand clothing, etc. as a sacrifice for educational advancement. Also, there is more of an emphasis on respecting elders and taking care of elder members of the family. I'm not saying this does not exist in Black American culture but in African and Asian cultures, it is really on another level - i.e., they frown on putting the elderly in homes or facilities.

Ok you are better than us, noted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Culturally an African immigrant and African American are very different.

I’m Asian American married to another Asian American. I do not have any close Asian immigrant friends. This was not on purpose but I never really clicked with the kids, now adults, who are actually from Asia. I have Asian American friends from various ethnic backgrounds but they are all very western.

I don’t think your daughter has to try to be friends with the African American girls if she has a nice friend group.

You are not African. You are not African American. What exactly is your expertise here? Additionally it sounds like the child herself is not an immigrant but is first generation. The cultural lines between first generation descendants of Africans and the descendants of enslaved Africans quickly begin to blur as many first generation Africans begin to assimilate at least partially into black American culture.

Not really--a black American

Yep. Not really. If you know African immigrants, they actually have very little in common with Black Americans other than skin color. I would say African immigrants' values and culture are more aligned with what I have observed in immigrant Asian families - i.e., prioritizing education at all costs and foregoing materialistic items like cars, name brand clothing, etc. as a sacrifice for educational advancement. Also, there is more of an emphasis on respecting elders and taking care of elder members of the family. I'm not saying this does not exist in Black American culture but in African and Asian cultures, it is really on another level - i.e., they frown on putting the elderly in homes or facilities.

Ok you are better than us, noted.

Are these better values, worse values or different values?

[Anonymous]

^ Just different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Just different.

How about everyone on DCUM who is not African American stop giving their thoughts on African Americans for a while. Yes, Africans can stop as well. Just give us a break, maybe for a week or so. Give us time to breathe and exist without telling other African Americans are not smart for elite colleges, do not care for their elderly, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Just different.

Right? No one’s saying they’re better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Just different.

How about everyone on DCUM who is not African American stop giving their thoughts on African Americans for a while. Yes, Africans can stop as well. Just give us a break, maybe for a week or so. Give us time to breathe and exist without telling other African Americans are not smart for elite colleges, do not care for their elderly, etc.

Yes, agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Just different.

How about everyone on DCUM who is not African American stop giving their thoughts on African Americans for a while. Yes, Africans can stop as well. Just give us a break, maybe for a week or so. Give us time to breathe and exist without telling other African Americans are not smart for elite colleges, do not care for their elderly, etc.

Hate to see other minorities adopt the same hatred for the Black Americans who built the foundation of this country, as the white supremacists.

Black Americans generally aren’t a hateful group of people. Our parents and grandparents fought so a lot you non white immigrants could even come here. They even fought for better treatment of European people.

There may be some exceptions to the rule, but the Foundational Black Americans aren’t how some of would like to portray us. And when we see people go out of their way to falsely portray us in such a negative way, we should keep our distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Culturally an African immigrant and African American are very different.

I’m Asian American married to another Asian American. I do not have any close Asian immigrant friends. This was not on purpose but I never really clicked with the kids, now adults, who are actually from Asia. I have Asian American friends from various ethnic backgrounds but they are all very western.

I don’t think your daughter has to try to be friends with the African American girls if she has a nice friend group.

You are not African. You are not African American. What exactly is your expertise here? Additionally it sounds like the child herself is not an immigrant but is first generation. The cultural lines between first generation descendants of Africans and the descendants of enslaved Africans quickly begin to blur as many first generation Africans begin to assimilate at least partially into black American culture.

Not really--a black American

No exaggeration. I’ve attended around 20 cross cultural weddings over the past 3 years of 20-30 something year olds. These weddings are often made up of 1st generation Africans (and sometimes Caribbeans) marrying Foundational Black Americans. These 1st generation African men and women have often been members of D9 organizations. Many are doctors, engineers…but so are their partners. Some attended HBCUs. Some attended high schools in the DMV. I believe many are finding more congruency in culture than not particularly West Africans (Liberians, Cameroonians, Sierra Leonean, sometimes Nigerians, etc) but not so much for East Africans (Ethiopian, Somali, North Sudanese, Kenyan) but there is also some religious difference in play there in addition to cultural expectations.

Although parents might teach something, the funny thing about children is most will go against some of their parent's expectations.