Feel like I have to choose between looking nice and making friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by this, I have friends all over the US and some of the deepest in “flyover country” seem to dress the dressiest and have huge hair and full makeup seemingly all the time. There are others who definitely don’t however. The gigantic knit overall look is definitely a thing and trendy, and I would expect to see it more on the first group of people rather than the second.

+100000. That’s how you know it’s a troll.

If anything, flyover women are much more into being put together. It might be less fashionable clothing but it wouldn’t be like OP describes.

She says it’s a party where the kids go to privates, blue city in flyover country, lesbians at the party, Karen type of haircuts and your husband even notices what they are wearing.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by this, I have friends all over the US and some of the deepest in “flyover country” seem to dress the dressiest and have huge hair and full makeup seemingly all the time. There are others who definitely don’t however. The gigantic knit overall look is definitely a thing and trendy, and I would expect to see it more on the first group of people rather than the second.

+100000. That’s how you know it’s a troll.

If anything, flyover women are much more into being put together. It might be less fashionable clothing but it wouldn’t be like OP describes.

She says it’s a party where the kids go to privates, blue city in flyover country, lesbians at the party, Karen type of haircuts and your husband even notices what they are wearing.

Troll.

You are being provincial now. You don’t think midwestern lesbians with short hair don’t make money and send their kids to private school?

Why wouldn’t my husband notice women wearing dungarees/overalls? They are kind of obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question, are they lesbians?

Why ask the question if it’s not possible for lesbians to be in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dungarees????

+1, I haven’t heard that term since the 1980s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question, are they lesbians?

Yes, quite a few of them are lesbian or bi.

That was my hunch when you described the boxy clothes and short but not cute haircuts, and zero make up. This can be a great friend group but you need to be liberal. Do you come off as a republican?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by this, I have friends all over the US and some of the deepest in “flyover country” seem to dress the dressiest and have huge hair and full makeup seemingly all the time. There are others who definitely don’t however. The gigantic knit overall look is definitely a thing and trendy, and I would expect to see it more on the first group of people rather than the second.

+100000. That’s how you know it’s a troll.

If anything, flyover women are much more into being put together. It might be less fashionable clothing but it wouldn’t be like OP describes.

She says it’s a party where the kids go to privates, blue city in flyover country, lesbians at the party, Karen type of haircuts and your husband even notices what they are wearing.

Troll.

Exactly. There is no place on earth where this combination occurs. Please don’t feed the troll.

[Anonymous]

You had me chuckling at “chino shorts.” So fashion forward!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question, are they lesbians?

Yes, quite a few of them are lesbian or bi.

That was my hunch when you described the boxy clothes and short but not cute haircuts, and zero make up. This can be a great friend group but you need to be liberal. Do you come off as a republican?

Maybe? I’m not though. Lesbians/bi/queer isn’t anything new to me. I’ve been close friends with many of them. And my preference in men is not standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You had me chuckling at “chino shorts.” So fashion forward!

I said I felt like a freak for wearing my normal clothes. Not that I was the most fashionable person there. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a troll.

Dungarees? Young moms in pixie cuts and baggy clothes? It just doesn't ring true. Nobody wears a pixie cut these days unless they are a masc lesbian or very fashion-forward. This isn't 1995. The moms who don't care about being stylish or dated will be wearing cheap skinny jeans or athleisure.

I think by pixie cut she means a let-me-speak-to-your-manager special (e.g. old Kate Gosselin). I have lots of loved ones in Ohio and it’s still a popular style. But who cares, the people are kind and inclusive unlike OP.

And unlike you, you shrew.

[Anonymous]

So OP is a lesbian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had me chuckling at “chino shorts.” So fashion forward!

I said I felt like a freak for wearing my normal clothes. Not that I was the most fashionable person there. Jeez.

So, you "weren't the most fashionable person there" , yet "looking nice" made you feel like a freak?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question, are they lesbians?

Yes, quite a few of them are lesbian or bi.

That was my hunch when you described the boxy clothes and short but not cute haircuts, and zero make up. This can be a great friend group but you need to be liberal. Do you come off as a republican?

Yeah, it sounds like OP found the public radio, hiking, craft beers, tattoos and dyed hair crowd. That exists in every city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP is a lesbian?

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone actually exclude you or say anything about what you were wearing? Or were you just self conscious be for the first time in your life you weren’t fitting in/they didn’t admire your clothes? If the former, it’s unlikely changing your fashion will help you make friends and exclusionary people will inevitably find something about you to exclude. If the latter, sit with that feeling for a bit and use it to develop empathy for others.

And if you want your DD to get invited to more birthday parties, start inviting all the girls her age to play dates. That’s much more important than what her mom is wearing.

No one said anything about my clothes. DH said he felt like it was a problem that we weren’t wearing what they were wearing. He thought we weren’t signaling the right things so they weren’t interested in talking to us. I’m interested in talking to all kinds of people and I frequently do.

Oh, well.

It sounds like your DH and you just aren’t used to either fitting in or being looked on as better than your peers. There’s as entire world of people who don’t aspire to look “cute” or “put-together” at a kid’s party. It’s possible they thought you guys were kind of high maintenance or it’s possible (even likely) that’s this judgement is all in your yeads. Either way: play dates not fashion are what will generate invitations for your daughter.