Feel like I have to choose between looking nice and making friends

[Anonymous]

After living in DC, we moved to “flyover” country.

In short, most moms at kids birthday party yesterday were wearing baggy clothes, pixie cuts, and no makeup.

I’ve always been very femme and grew up in place where people don’t stop dressing nice after having kids.

But I feel like I could make more mom friends if I wore dungarees and crocs and I really don’t want to.

Yesterday, I went to a kids birthday backyard party. Parents were welcomed to stay with hard drinks. I wore a pair of chino shorts, a short sleeve shirt with a summery shirt and flip flops. I had on a simple necklace and casual earrings. I only wore a little foundation, mascara, and clear gloss. I felt like a freak.

Anyone else have this delimma?

[Anonymous]

Yuck. I would move.

[Anonymous]

*summery print

[Anonymous]

What answers do you want to see here?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it has nothing to do with how you dress and more about your personality?

[Anonymous]

Join a church.

[Anonymous]

My mom always dressed nicely. Maybe more than the norm in some situations.

But she was a gracious lady. Her effort once she was at an even was trying to make a connection with the people she met. Didn't matter what they were wearing.

Wear what you want, try not to look down on the people doing something different (they are not a different species) and talk to people. They really are the same underneath as you even if they have pixie cuts.

[Anonymous]

You can look cute, stylish, comfortable in your own skin but know that it sticks out and people might make assumptions about you. You have to make an extra effort. Volunteer, be extra friendly, do the hosting etc.

And keep your judgenent in check because people can pick up on that.

[Anonymous]

Your attitude is the problem- dismissing your new town by calling it flyover and dismissing the residents with your description of them.

Also, it’s “dilemma.”

[Anonymous]

Dungarees????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your attitude is the problem- dismissing your new town by calling it flyover and dismissing the residents with your description of them.

Also, it’s “dilemma.”

I also think your attitude is problematic and this is from someone who lived in a similar area who had a bad attitude about the exact thing. So on one hand I entirely get it, but hindsight is 20/20 and I’ve realized humility goes a long ways and I had none of it. I don’t think you need to abandon your preferred style or dress at all, but whether you feel self-conscious or a bit better than others because of it - work on that.

[Anonymous]

Is there a country club near you? A junior league to join? I’d probably be looking for friends in places like that.

[Anonymous]

Just be yourself and continue to dress how you like. I truly doubt it has to do with you dress. Some groups are just really hard to break into.

[Anonymous]

Such a dramatic complaint. You wore shorts, not a tiara.

[Anonymous]

Be yourself and dress how you like.

Also what you describe doesn't necessarily sound like not caring about how they look but just having a different aesthetic. Dungarees and pixie cuts and clean faces actually sound more on trend than what you were wearing. This is not an insult. Just pointing out that Hailey Bieber and Jennifer Lawrence are regularly photographed wearing baggy jeans and pants, you her generations don't wear as much makeup, and pixie cuts are actually very high maintenance.

You don't have to conform but maybe adjust you attitude from "they don't care about looking nice" to "they have different standards for looking nice." Try to be open minded and approach others with curiosity instead of judgment.

Right now you are the one coming off as provincial and limited, by the way. So maybe take the phrase "flyover country" out of your vocabulary.