Feel like I have to choose between looking nice and making friends

[Anonymous]

Is this just one party with a bunch of masculine leaning women or have you been to other gatherings in your new town? You must know that some women (especially but not exclusively lesbians) dress un feminine on purpose. And unfortunately they can be just as judgemental as church ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be yourself and dress how you like.

Also what you describe doesn't necessarily sound like not caring about how they look but just having a different aesthetic. Dungarees and pixie cuts and clean faces actually sound more on trend than what you were wearing. This is not an insult. Just pointing out that Hailey Bieber and Jennifer Lawrence are regularly photographed wearing baggy jeans and pants, you her generations don't wear as much makeup, and pixie cuts are actually very high maintenance.

You don't have to conform but maybe adjust you attitude from "they don't care about looking nice" to "they have different standards for looking nice." Try to be open minded and approach others with curiosity instead of judgment.

Right now you are the one coming off as provincial and limited, by the way. So maybe take the phrase "flyover country" out of your vocabulary.

I’m OP. There’s no way I say “flyover country “ to the locals.

I just wanted to make it clear I don’t live on a coast. I’ll stop even writing it if it’s that bad.

And I was being polite when I said pixie cuts. It’s not nice cuts. I’ll just leave it at that.

Link to a picture of this hair. I can't picture it. I only know a few moms with short hair here in flyover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone actually exclude you or say anything about what you were wearing? Or were you just self conscious be for the first time in your life you weren’t fitting in/they didn’t admire your clothes? If the former, it’s unlikely changing your fashion will help you make friends and exclusionary people will inevitably find something about you to exclude. If the latter, sit with that feeling for a bit and use it to develop empathy for others.

And if you want your DD to get invited to more birthday parties, start inviting all the girls her age to play dates. That’s much more important than what her mom is wearing.

No one said anything about my clothes. DH said he felt like it was a problem that we weren’t wearing what they were wearing. He thought we weren’t signaling the right things so they weren’t interested in talking to us. I’m interested in talking to all kinds of people and I frequently do.

Oh, well.

So, they excluded you from conversations and were generally unfriendly towards you? Just... explain what happened at the party and how it relates to your clothes.

[Anonymous]

You sound horrible.

[Anonymous]

This is a pretty awful troll post. Try harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After living in DC, we moved to “flyover” country.

In short, most moms at kids birthday party yesterday were wearing baggy clothes, pixie cuts, and no makeup.

I’ve always been very femme and grew up in place where people don’t stop dressing nice after having kids.

But I feel like I could make more mom friends if I wore dungarees and crocs and I really don’t want

Yesterday, I went to a kids birthday backyard party. Parents were welcomed to stay with hard drinks. I wore a pair of chino shorts, a short sleeve shirt with a summery shirt and flip flops. I had on a simple necklace and casual earrings. I only wore a little foundation, mascara, and clear gloss. I felt like a freak.

Anyone else have this delimma?

Yes, I have the same ‘delimma’ when I’m in flyover country and have to rub shoulders with the plebs.
Solution is to only fly non stop from coast to coast

[Anonymous]

"I have always been very femme."

"dungarees"

Are you 65? And from 1962?

See, I think you probably have more of an attitude problem (judgy and superior vibe) than anything else here, and also some prissy little idiosyncrasies that people just find off-putting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question, are they lesbians?

Yes, quite a few of them are lesbian or bi.

That was my hunch when you described the boxy clothes and short but not cute haircuts, and zero make up. This can be a great friend group but you need to be liberal. Do you come off as a republican?

Yeah, it sounds like OP found the public radio, hiking, craft beers, tattoos and dyed hair crowd. That exists in every city.

+1, they think OP is not "their people". Honestly this crowd can be some of the most judgmental. They are especially unwelcoming to white foreigners (Polish etc.) Which OP may well be.

[Anonymous]

It's your attitude, those "flyover" moms know what you think of them

[Anonymous]

I'm laughing at the person who said "there's no Iowa hot" <-- lady, where do you think the thin, blonde, athletic, girl next door look came from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm laughing at the person who said "there's no Iowa hot" <-- lady, where do you think the thin, blonde, athletic, girl next door look came from?

Ashton Kutcher and Ron Livingston are from Iowa. That’s good enough for me!

[Anonymous]

Midwesterners are from Nordic countries, they’re blonde and beautiful! Op showed up in chinos and a Hawaiian shirt and thinks she’s too gorgeous for the women to be friends with lololol

[Anonymous]

This thread gets funnier and funnier. Op wore and ugly floral shirt and a pair of dowdy shorts and she thinks people were mean to her because she was so well dressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread gets funnier and funnier. Op wore and ugly floral shirt and a pair of dowdy shorts and she thinks people were mean to her because she was so well dressed.

And “flip flops”! She thinks those are nice shoes? Weird.

[Anonymous]

I’m trying to figure out this town. At first I was thinking Ann Arbor but that’s not a red state (or at least I hope it isn’t…). If OP isn’t a troll, OP did you find the one really progressive, granola private school in your town? Is that one school attracting this particular crowd? Otherwise, hard to imagine there’s that big a crowd of lesbian and bi families in one particular neighborhood.

I would just be friendly OP. If you smile and are open and appear interested in their lives I think a lot of people will be receptive. It’s not like you were wearing stilettos and a cocktail dress.