Feel like I have to choose between looking nice and making friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even Moira Rose managed to make friends in Schitt’s Creek.

+1 you win the thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a troll.

Dungarees? Young moms in pixie cuts and baggy clothes? It just doesn't ring true. Nobody wears a pixie cut these days unless they are a masc lesbian or very fashion-forward. This isn't 1995. The moms who don't care about being stylish or dated will be wearing cheap skinny jeans or athleisure.

I think by pixie cut she means a let-me-speak-to-your-manager special (e.g. old Kate Gosselin). I have lots of loved ones in Ohio and it’s still a popular style. But who cares, the people are kind and inclusive unlike OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it, you're prettier than they are. Sometimes this happens to me.

If you are that self conscious just wear stud earrings, a neutral lip with the makeup you mentioned, a t shirt or button down that fits well with whatever bottoms you want, and call it a day.

Do you work? Do they? Interested in the SAHM/WOHM mom dynamic here.

I’m an older SAHM. I used to work. The host mom is SAHM and really nice.

The party was a mix of SAHM & WOHM. I wore just what you described. Button down floral shirt, chinos, simple necklace and eating. Just a bit of mascara and clear gloss.

For the other person who asked we ended up here to be near my husband’s family.

It would make me ready freaking sad to put on a boxy shirt with a school logo and baggy shorts. Or a pair of those dungarees. I just don’t want to dress that way.

I do have friends who don’t care what I’m wearing. I just wanted to make friends with the moms so DD gets invited to more birthday parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it, you're prettier than they are. Sometimes this happens to me.

If you are that self conscious just wear stud earrings, a neutral lip with the makeup you mentioned, a t shirt or button down that fits well with whatever bottoms you want, and call it a day.

Do you work? Do they? Interested in the SAHM/WOHM mom dynamic here.

I’m an older SAHM. I used to work. The host mom is SAHM and really nice.

The party was a mix of SAHM & WOHM. I wore just what you described. Button down floral shirt, chinos, simple necklace and eating. Just a bit of mascara and clear gloss.

For the other person who asked we ended up here to be near my husband’s family.

It would make me ready freaking sad to put on a boxy shirt with a school logo and baggy shorts. Or a pair of those dungarees. I just don’t want to dress that way.

I do have friends who don’t care what I’m wearing. I just wanted to make friends with the moms so DD gets invited to more birthday parties.

You’ll need to make friends with wealthier women.

Their clothing is probably consistent with other tastes such as travel, hobbies, etc. The clothing you described indicates to me this is more a middle class group of women. Are their homes still decorated in beige, they drive large SUVs and kids play MC sports like football and baseball?

I’m also not convinced you’re not a troll. If not, the kid birthday parties don’t matter.

[Anonymous]

^^ adding that you won’t make friends with these women for other reasons. It won’t just be limited to clothing and appearance. It’s what you read, watch on TV, where you travel on vacation etc.

[Anonymous]

Did anyone actually exclude you or say anything about what you were wearing? Or were you just self conscious be for the first time in your life you weren’t fitting in/they didn’t admire your clothes? If the former, it’s unlikely changing your fashion will help you make friends and exclusionary people will inevitably find something about you to exclude. If the latter, sit with that feeling for a bit and use it to develop empathy for others.

And if you want your DD to get invited to more birthday parties, start inviting all the girls her age to play dates. That’s much more important than what her mom is wearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it, you're prettier than they are. Sometimes this happens to me.

If you are that self conscious just wear stud earrings, a neutral lip with the makeup you mentioned, a t shirt or button down that fits well with whatever bottoms you want, and call it a day.

Do you work? Do they? Interested in the SAHM/WOHM mom dynamic here.

I’m an older SAHM. I used to work. The host mom is SAHM and really nice.

The party was a mix of SAHM & WOHM. I wore just what you described. Button down floral shirt, chinos, simple necklace and eating. Just a bit of mascara and clear gloss.

For the other person who asked we ended up here to be near my husband’s family.

It would make me ready freaking sad to put on a boxy shirt with a school logo and baggy shorts. Or a pair of those dungarees. I just don’t want to dress that way.

I do have friends who don’t care what I’m wearing. I just wanted to make friends with the moms so DD gets invited to more birthday parties.

You’ll need to make friends with wealthier women.

Their clothing is probably consistent with other tastes such as travel, hobbies, etc. The clothing you described indicates to me this is more a middle class group of women. Are their homes still decorated in beige, they drive large SUVs and kids play MC sports like football and baseball?

I’m also not convinced you’re not a troll. If not, the kid birthday parties don’t matter.

It was a wealthy neighborhood. All the kids go to various privates.

[Anonymous]

I tend to be on the dressier side. Just what I prefer. I have friends who dress much more casually than me and friends who dress up more. I don't really get why you're judging them so much? It's not like your outfit was anything amazing, it was still very casual. I've all seen those overalls be pretty instyle now, though it is a look that I wouldn't personally wear. You obviously don't like where you live and think you're better than everyone. Of course you won't make friends because of that and of course the other moms are going to pick up on that and avoid you. It has nothing to do with the clothes either of you are wearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone actually exclude you or say anything about what you were wearing? Or were you just self conscious be for the first time in your life you weren’t fitting in/they didn’t admire your clothes? If the former, it’s unlikely changing your fashion will help you make friends and exclusionary people will inevitably find something about you to exclude. If the latter, sit with that feeling for a bit and use it to develop empathy for others.

And if you want your DD to get invited to more birthday parties, start inviting all the girls her age to play dates. That’s much more important than what her mom is wearing.

No one said anything about my clothes. DH said he felt like it was a problem that we weren’t wearing what they were wearing. He thought we weren’t signaling the right things so they weren’t interested in talking to us. I’m interested in talking to all kinds of people and I frequently do.

Oh, well.

[Anonymous]

Serious question, are they lesbians?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it, you're prettier than they are. Sometimes this happens to me.

If you are that self conscious just wear stud earrings, a neutral lip with the makeup you mentioned, a t shirt or button down that fits well with whatever bottoms you want, and call it a day.

Do you work? Do they? Interested in the SAHM/WOHM mom dynamic here.

I’m an older SAHM. I used to work. The host mom is SAHM and really nice.

The party was a mix of SAHM & WOHM. I wore just what you described. Button down floral shirt, chinos, simple necklace and eating. Just a bit of mascara and clear gloss.

For the other person who asked we ended up here to be near my husband’s family.

It would make me ready freaking sad to put on a boxy shirt with a school logo and baggy shorts. Or a pair of those dungarees. I just don’t want to dress that way.

I do have friends who don’t care what I’m wearing. I just wanted to make friends with the moms so DD gets invited to more birthday parties.

You’ll need to make friends with wealthier women.

Their clothing is probably consistent with other tastes such as travel, hobbies, etc. The clothing you described indicates to me this is more a middle class group of women. Are their homes still decorated in beige, they drive large SUVs and kids play MC sports like football and baseball?

I’m also not convinced you’re not a troll. If not, the kid birthday parties don’t matter.

It was a wealthy neighborhood. All the kids go to various privates.

So you’re not in a major city like Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Chicago…:

You’re not in a place like NY or LA.

You’re in a location where the moms have really terrible short Karen hair styles, dress horribly BUT send their kids to private school? I’m calling troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question, are they lesbians?

Yes, quite a few of them are lesbian or bi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone actually exclude you or say anything about what you were wearing? Or were you just self conscious be for the first time in your life you weren’t fitting in/they didn’t admire your clothes? If the former, it’s unlikely changing your fashion will help you make friends and exclusionary people will inevitably find something about you to exclude. If the latter, sit with that feeling for a bit and use it to develop empathy for others.

And if you want your DD to get invited to more birthday parties, start inviting all the girls her age to play dates. That’s much more important than what her mom is wearing.

No one said anything about my clothes. DH said he felt like it was a problem that we weren’t wearing what they were wearing. He thought we weren’t signaling the right things so they weren’t interested in talking to us. I’m interested in talking to all kinds of people and I frequently do.

Oh, well.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question, are they lesbians?

Yes, quite a few of them are lesbian or bi.

And you’re in a flyover city or town where most people send their kids to private?

Troll, troll, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question, are they lesbians?

Yes, quite a few of them are lesbian or bi.

And you’re in a flyover city or town where most people send their kids to private?

Troll, troll, troll.

Who’s being the snob now?!