Why dating became so hard 😔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation but had success by being enthusiastic about sexual activity but within my comfort zone, which stopped short of doing everything before having a commitment but didn't leave the man frustrated. Have you tried this? If you don't engage at all, most men are going to move on, especially at your age.

Could you please elaborate ? Did you have PIV with condom and no O, or just a handjob?

Just making out and using our hands (nothing penetrative) has been satisfying enough to keep dating to see if we're relationship material. And it actually builds the desire as well as gets over some of the initial awkwardness before we take it further. If all goes well, I'll take it to the next level once I know we're in a relationship and not just having the initial, exploratory dates.

I know this may sound like high school to some, but it has worked out pretty well for me because if a guy won't wait until I'm ready, even though I'm not leaving him totally frustrated, then we're probably not right for each other.

Do you make them finish? Sorry not sure how this would look like, is he undressed?

Yes, of course. That is the point. He doesn't undress completely, you just get it out of his pants and make sure he gets off. I'll wait to go further until we've had several more dates and see where things are going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation but had success by being enthusiastic about sexual activity but within my comfort zone, which stopped short of doing everything before having a commitment but didn't leave the man frustrated. Have you tried this? If you don't engage at all, most men are going to move on, especially at your age.

Could you please elaborate ? Did you have PIV with condom and no O, or just a handjob?

Just making out and using our hands (nothing penetrative) has been satisfying enough to keep dating to see if we're relationship material. And it actually builds the desire as well as gets over some of the initial awkwardness before we take it further. If all goes well, I'll take it to the next level once I know we're in a relationship and not just having the initial, exploratory dates.

I know this may sound like high school to some, but it has worked out pretty well for me because if a guy won't wait until I'm ready, even though I'm not leaving him totally frustrated, then we're probably not right for each other.

Do you make them finish? Sorry not sure how this would look like, is he undressed?

Yes, of course. That is the point. He doesn't undress completely, you just get it out of his pants and make sure he gets off. I'll wait to go further until we've had several more dates and see where things are going.

Couple issues I personally see with this : 1. Not all men particular 45+ would certainly finish from a hand job. Or it may take too long making things even more awkward 2 I kinda still don’t want to deal with Ps of barely known men on date 1-3. I usually only warm up for a good French kiss by date 3, if he’s nice with me.
Maybe I’m leaving them frustrated by just having a good kiss without touching things in the pants. But if I don’t O during the kisses and touch, which should he be pissed for not getting off ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation but had success by being enthusiastic about sexual activity but within my comfort zone, which stopped short of doing everything before having a commitment but didn't leave the man frustrated. Have you tried this? If you don't engage at all, most men are going to move on, especially at your age.

Could you please elaborate ? Did you have PIV with condom and no O, or just a handjob?

Just making out and using our hands (nothing penetrative) has been satisfying enough to keep dating to see if we're relationship material. And it actually builds the desire as well as gets over some of the initial awkwardness before we take it further. If all goes well, I'll take it to the next level once I know we're in a relationship and not just having the initial, exploratory dates.

I know this may sound like high school to some, but it has worked out pretty well for me because if a guy won't wait until I'm ready, even though I'm not leaving him totally frustrated, then we're probably not right for each other.

Do you make them finish? Sorry not sure how this would look like, is he undressed?

Yes, of course. That is the point. He doesn't undress completely, you just get it out of his pants and make sure he gets off. I'll wait to go further until we've had several more dates and see where things are going.

Couple issues I personally see with this : 1. Not all men particular 45+ would certainly finish from a hand job. Or it may take too long making things even more awkward 2 I kinda still don’t want to deal with Ps of barely known men on date 1-3. I usually only warm up for a good French kiss by date 3, if he’s nice with me.
Maybe I’m leaving them frustrated by just having a good kiss without touching things in the pants. But if I don’t O during the kisses and touch, which should he be pissed for not getting off ?

*why should he be pissed ?

[Anonymous]

The focus of the thread is that many men who don't get sex from early on will lose patience and move on before the OP is ready to be intimate. Is it fair that guys won't wait to O even though women will? Not fair, but reality, and I think the suggestion was to compromise during the early stages to keep him interested while figuring out if he might be relationship material. But you raise a good point about increased awkwardness of it doesn't work and just raises the frustration level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like men don't see you as serious relationship material. Instead they see you as a sexual layup.

When meeting a woman, most men know right away whether she is relationship or hookup. You need to get sorted into the former in men's mental algorithm.

Men on dating apps generally are not looking for a serious relationship.

So where can we find men who are looking for something serious? Unfortunately society made us use those stupid apps and I personally I am fed up I screen them through text and FaceTime and still get those pigs

We live in the hookup and instant gratification era. Recycling bfs/gfs is totally okay, hooking up endlessly is totally okay as well. Men are not necessarily to blame. They are finding equally willing women. It’s unfortunate because I feel like some women have been pushed to be promiscuous like men. Honestly as a man I think the women taking part in this hookup culture have been pushed into it. Im sure some women will come hard at me for saying this.

I agree: women have been coerced into hooking up under the guise of “liberation,” when really it only benefits low effort men. Women are discarded for treating sexuality as precious or sacred or something they don’t want to do quickly with randoms. It’s still entirely centered around male desire - it’s gross and destabilizing.

Further I think the apps lead to a very dehumanized view of our fellow people. Keep in mind that the apps are invested in keeping people single and looking - that is their entire business model.

Time travel is possible! Posting from the Victorian era. Kudos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like men don't see you as serious relationship material. Instead they see you as a sexual layup.

When meeting a woman, most men know right away whether she is relationship or hookup. You need to get sorted into the former in men's mental algorithm.

Harsh but true.

-Guy

And it's on her?? no. She needs a quality human and OP i'm sending wishes you meet him soon

[Anonymous]

OP -- best thing to do is to start dating women. You won't believe how much better it is.

[Anonymous]

I started on OLD at age 40 and went on maybe 8 first dates. No one asked me for sex right away. Before those dates, almost all of the men in the first chat discussed whether they were looking for something casual or a relationship, I ignored the ones that were incoherent or gross from the start. I found out who wanted a relationship pretty quickly. I dated one for 4 months and slept together at my initiation after about 2 months (he wouldn't have made any move) and dated another and once again I initiated after maybe date 3 with getting up to "third base" and sleeping together date 5 and we've been together for almost a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started on OLD at age 40 and went on maybe 8 first dates. No one asked me for sex right away. Before those dates, almost all of the men in the first chat discussed whether they were looking for something casual or a relationship, I ignored the ones that were incoherent or gross from the start. I found out who wanted a relationship pretty quickly. I dated one for 4 months and slept together at my initiation after about 2 months (he wouldn't have made any move) and dated another and once again I initiated after maybe date 3 with getting up to "third base" and sleeping together date 5 and we've been together for almost a year.

what is
third base?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- best thing to do is to start dating women. You won't believe how much better it is.

If only it was a choice…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like men don't see you as serious relationship material. Instead they see you as a sexual layup.

When meeting a woman, most men know right away whether she is relationship or hookup. You need to get sorted into the former in men's mental algorithm.

This is horrible thing to say I am not here to brag but I am a successful doctor, I speak 3 languages, I lived in multiple countries and I own two homes at 35, and only had 2 relationships in my whole life, if this is giving hookup vibes than no thank you they stay in their place.

2 homes in Kansas, 2 are latin based languages and very easy to learn, lived in mexico for an internship, relationship you had was 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started on OLD at age 40 and went on maybe 8 first dates. No one asked me for sex right away. Before those dates, almost all of the men in the first chat discussed whether they were looking for something casual or a relationship, I ignored the ones that were incoherent or gross from the start. I found out who wanted a relationship pretty quickly. I dated one for 4 months and slept together at my initiation after about 2 months (he wouldn't have made any move) and dated another and once again I initiated after maybe date 3 with getting up to "third base" and sleeping together date 5 and we've been together for almost a year.

what is
third base?

She probably means she gave head on date 3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started on OLD at age 40 and went on maybe 8 first dates. No one asked me for sex right away. Before those dates, almost all of the men in the first chat discussed whether they were looking for something casual or a relationship, I ignored the ones that were incoherent or gross from the start. I found out who wanted a relationship pretty quickly. I dated one for 4 months and slept together at my initiation after about 2 months (he wouldn't have made any move) and dated another and once again I initiated after maybe date 3 with getting up to "third base" and sleeping together date 5 and we've been together for almost a year.

what is
third base?

She probably means she gave head on date 3

PP here. No oral until exclusive. It was a handjob.

Also wanted to add that I had more interest on the apps than I could handle, so would only go on for a couple days at a time and chat with a few and get their info and arrange meetups, then go off again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like men don't see you as serious relationship material. Instead they see you as a sexual layup.

When meeting a woman, most men know right away whether she is relationship or hookup. You need to get sorted into the former in men's mental algorithm.

Harsh but true.



-Guy

Women are the same way, fyi.

+1 I’ll tell the guy, however. Straight up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- best thing to do is to start dating women. You won't believe how much better it is.

You’re like the Norma Kamala poster on the beauty forum. The solution to everything is to choose to be gay. Newslfash: those of us who are straight were born that way.