Why dating became so hard 😔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's possible to have sex on the first date and also end up in a long-term relationship with that person.

This. But I respect OP for sticking to her boundaries.

Where women sometimes run into trouble is when they hold out sex till the guy commits. Sex isn’t a chit to play to force commitment. I’ve seen it work sometimes; other times the guy gets sick of the woman and they break up, the guy says he’ll commit but sneaks around, etc.

Also, tangentially related to this—lots of people think they are great at sex and they’re not. If the sex is good, both parties keep coming back (assuming there is other compatibility too).

Much of this is true. I remember dating a woman for several months, but it seemed like it wasn't going anywhere and that I was being "friend zoned".
Towards the end, I saw her maybe once every week or two as we were both busy.
During that time, I met someone else (no sex), but it seemed like we had that physical attraction and connection for each other.
When I told the 1st woman that I thought it best we stop seeing each other, she became emotionally upset and surprised,. About a week later, she contacted me and said something to the effect that I didn't want to wait until she was "comfortable with intimacy".
After dating the 2nd woman a few months, we had a long term relationship with sex until she made a difficult decision to move to west coast. I decided to stay in DC area because of my career.
We are still friends.
I'm not sure women like the 1st one understand that men will wait, but not forever.
If they don't seem interested in a physical relationship, men pick that up and move on.

[Anonymous]

men are seen as success object while women are seen as beauty object. It's always been like this since the beginning of time.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar situation but had success by being enthusiastic about sexual activity but within my comfort zone, which stopped short of doing everything before having a commitment but didn't leave the man frustrated. Have you tried this? If you don't engage at all, most men are going to move on, especially at your age.

[Anonymous]

I spent a decade working for various tech companies. Some of the companies I worked at had a handful of psychologists who were paired with software engineers to build products that will the consumer engaged and endlessly scrawling. Unfortunately, for those who are not yet aware these dating Apps primary purpose is to keep you online as long as possible and not necessarily to help you select the perfect match. And this behavior is inline with Tech bros who create these products. These Apps are a mirror image of their lives and how they want to live it. These guys just want to hook up, monogamy is not their preference.

[Anonymous]

^^pp typo: scrolling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always comes down to the other person not finding you attractive enough. The man/woman that you don't consider quite attractive enough for you will be the one that really wants a long term relationship.

This. Everyone wants to date up. I took a guy who wasn’t quite attractive enough and nudged him to make a few cosmetic changes that helped me feel attracted to him. We’re very happy and very into each other a decade later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent a decade working for various tech companies. Some of the companies I worked at had a handful of psychologists who were paired with software engineers to build products that will the consumer engaged and endlessly scrawling. Unfortunately, for those who are not yet aware these dating Apps primary purpose is to keep you online as long as possible and not necessarily to help you select the perfect match. And this behavior is inline with Tech bros who create these products. These Apps are a mirror image of their lives and how they want to live it. These guys just want to hook up, monogamy is not their preference.

The Apps are like shopping on Amazon. You keep scrolling until you find the perfect or near perfect product. The buyers are the women and the men are the consumers. It is very easy to “dream” for the ideal person when all you have to do is pick up your phone and endlessly wife left or right. We are using people as characters in a game. Humans are not perfect. We need to get back to our senses. Of course OP did not say she was looking for the perfect guy. But the ideal match in her mind may not necessarily be realistic. The apps give the impression that such guys exist.

[Anonymous]

I am not against intimacy but not after one date or two dates, you don’t know that person yet to sleep with them. Short story I had a guy who told me after we sleep together we can talk more about what’s next. Men and women see sex differently a lot of women sleep with the guy thinking it’s how she will build a connection but it’s not the case for the men (or not all). I get everyone point of view and I don’t know anyone in the area but I did like the idea of group activities we will see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation but had success by being enthusiastic about sexual activity but within my comfort zone, which stopped short of doing everything before having a commitment but didn't leave the man frustrated. Have you tried this? If you don't engage at all, most men are going to move on, especially at your age.

Could you please elaborate ? Did you have PIV with condom and no O, or just a handjob?

[Anonymous]

If i like a man and see him at least 3 times, I try to create a comfortable setting to have a make-out session (without sex but certainly with me undressing to nice lingerie). It's important for me to see if he's turning me on, and other way around, before continue seeing each other. Why waste everyone's time?

Sex is usually a month in, usually 6-7 dates and after I verified he's single, doesn't have criminal history, know where he works, and after I visited his home (again ,to verify he lives alone and is transparent).

Not sure how a woman can even have sex safely with anyone on date 1-2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not against intimacy but not after one date or two dates, you don’t know that person yet to sleep with them. Short story I had a guy who told me after we sleep together we can talk more about what’s next. Men and women see sex differently a lot of women sleep with the guy thinking it’s how she will build a connection but it’s not the case for the men (or not all). I get everyone point of view and I don’t know anyone in the area but I did like the idea of group activities we will see.

High value men, heck even most medium value men do not want to sleep with women after one or two dates.
You are being gas lit.
Man here.

[Anonymous]

I met my DH on Bumble a couple of years ago. We went out for a long time before I had sex with him and only after we were exclusive. I did enjoy making out and other things before that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation but had success by being enthusiastic about sexual activity but within my comfort zone, which stopped short of doing everything before having a commitment but didn't leave the man frustrated. Have you tried this? If you don't engage at all, most men are going to move on, especially at your age.

Could you please elaborate ? Did you have PIV with condom and no O, or just a handjob?

Just making out and using our hands (nothing penetrative) has been satisfying enough to keep dating to see if we're relationship material. And it actually builds the desire as well as gets over some of the initial awkwardness before we take it further. If all goes well, I'll take it to the next level once I know we're in a relationship and not just having the initial, exploratory dates.

I know this may sound like high school to some, but it has worked out pretty well for me because if a guy won't wait until I'm ready, even though I'm not leaving him totally frustrated, then we're probably not right for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation but had success by being enthusiastic about sexual activity but within my comfort zone, which stopped short of doing everything before having a commitment but didn't leave the man frustrated. Have you tried this? If you don't engage at all, most men are going to move on, especially at your age.

Could you please elaborate ? Did you have PIV with condom and no O, or just a handjob?

Just making out and using our hands (nothing penetrative) has been satisfying enough to keep dating to see if we're relationship material. And it actually builds the desire as well as gets over some of the initial awkwardness before we take it further. If all goes well, I'll take it to the next level once I know we're in a relationship and not just having the initial, exploratory dates.

I know this may sound like high school to some, but it has worked out pretty well for me because if a guy won't wait until I'm ready, even though I'm not leaving him totally frustrated, then we're probably not right for each other.

Do you make them finish? Sorry not sure how this would look like, is he undressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like men don't see you as serious relationship material. Instead they see you as a sexual layup.

When meeting a woman, most men know right away whether she is relationship or hookup. You need to get sorted into the former in men's mental algorithm.

Men on dating apps generally are not looking for a serious relationship.

So where can we find men who are looking for something serious? Unfortunately society made us use those stupid apps and I personally I am fed up I screen them through text and FaceTime and still get those pigs

So guy who doesn't want something serious is a "pig?" As long as he's honest about his intentions and treats people with respect, why are you shaming him for pursuing a natural desire for companionship?