Why dating became so hard 😔

[Anonymous]

If you are single at 35 when was dating ever not hard for you? Don't mean to be snarky but it doesn't sound like this is something new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how a woman can even have sex safely with anyone on date 1-2

There are many safety precautions. Get a padded headboard for your bed. Have a "safe word" during bondage. Bring a slutty friend and have a menage a trois.

Some women keep spreadsheets of men. They compartmentalize sex in "situationships" while building a separate coterie of suitors to wine and dine them.

OP did not even mention being attracted to this man. If a woman is interested, then she will communicate this. If she wants to sleep with him, but just needs a little more time, then she will help plan a few dates or even pay.

I dated a 30-year-old virgin from a Muslim country, and could tell that something was amiss. I eventually told her I would sleep with other women, and she had no standing to object. In your thirties, men with options are not going to date you exclusively without sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If i like a man and see him at least 3 times, I try to create a comfortable setting to have a make-out session (without sex but certainly with me undressing to nice lingerie). It's important for me to see if he's turning me on, and other way around, before continue seeing each other. Why waste everyone's time?

Sex is usually a month in, usually 6-7 dates and after I verified he's single, doesn't have criminal history, know where he works, and after I visited his home (again ,to verify he lives alone and is transparent).

Not sure how a woman can even have sex safely with anyone on date 1-2

I’m sorry but if you strip down to nice lingerie the expectation will be very high that sex is in the offing. You can certainly “just say no” but he will be surprised. I’m all for a heavy kissing session and maybe some groping but I’m not stripping down to my undies as part of it. I save that for the main event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If i like a man and see him at least 3 times, I try to create a comfortable setting to have a make-out session (without sex but certainly with me undressing to nice lingerie). It's important for me to see if he's turning me on, and other way around, before continue seeing each other. Why waste everyone's time?

Sex is usually a month in, usually 6-7 dates and after I verified he's single, doesn't have criminal history, know where he works, and after I visited his home (again ,to verify he lives alone and is transparent).

Not sure how a woman can even have sex safely with anyone on date 1-2

I’m sorry but if you strip down to nice lingerie the expectation will be very high that sex is in the offing. You can certainly “just say no” but he will be surprised. I’m all for a heavy kissing session and maybe some groping but I’m not stripping down to my undies as part of it. I save that for the main event.

I was going to ask how these posters who strip down or do anything but sex are communicating that sex is not on the table. It feels rife for mismatched people expectations and negative fall out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If i like a man and see him at least 3 times, I try to create a comfortable setting to have a make-out session (without sex but certainly with me undressing to nice lingerie). It's important for me to see if he's turning me on, and other way around, before continue seeing each other. Why waste everyone's time?

Sex is usually a month in, usually 6-7 dates and after I verified he's single, doesn't have criminal history, know where he works, and after I visited his home (again ,to verify he lives alone and is transparent).

Not sure how a woman can even have sex safely with anyone on date 1-2

Seriously? Man here but if a woman strips down to nice lingerie I’m not going to be sitting there with my shirt and pants on. Then it will be very obvious that I am turned on and if it ends there I will assume she is a C-teaser. Please do your dates a favor and keep your clothes on until you are ready for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are single at 35 when was dating ever not hard for you? Don't mean to be snarky but it doesn't sound like this is something new.

I was in two long term relationships, the last one ended two years ago, I find your comments very disrespectful I came on the forum to get some advice and help not to be judge by someone hiding behind an anonymous account. The men I was with before were not perfect but at least they didn’t try to sleep with after one or two dates.
And yes you sound snarky, people on this forum already gave me good advice and i thanked them so ciao ✌🏻

[Anonymous]

I once had a date with a divorced woman who was 38 and man she was DTF right there and then after the first date. I don’t sleep with any date until a month into the relationship. So we had our first date, everything was going well, she had a few drinks( I don’t drink) and we were just talking and I told her I am not into hooking up right away and her response was super DTF lol. She said “I guess I shaved for nothing tonight” and giggled. Yeah I knew she wasn’t for me. Not all men are DTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once had a date with a divorced woman who was 38 and man she was DTF right there and then after the first date. I don’t sleep with any date until a month into the relationship. So we had our first date, everything was going well, she had a few drinks( I don’t drink) and we were just talking and I told her I am not into hooking up right away and her response was super DTF lol. She said “I guess I shaved for nothing tonight” and giggled. Yeah I knew she wasn’t for me. Not all men are DTF.

Yes, a few women are hyper-sexual and most likely damaged, and maybe some more who fall just short of an escort/sugar baby; however, I suspect many if not most women sleep with men a bit too soon in hopes of furthering the relationship and establishing deeper connection. They are looking for boyfriends. Studies on how frequently women fake O’s make it seem they have the same expectations as men do for hook-ups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a date with a divorced woman who was 38 and man she was DTF right there and then after the first date. I don’t sleep with any date until a month into the relationship. So we had our first date, everything was going well, she had a few drinks( I don’t drink) and we were just talking and I told her I am not into hooking up right away and her response was super DTF lol. She said “I guess I shaved for nothing tonight” and giggled. Yeah I knew she wasn’t for me. Not all men are DTF.

Yes, a few women are hyper-sexual and most likely damaged, and maybe some more who fall just short of an escort/sugar baby; however, I suspect many if not most women sleep with men a bit too soon in hopes of furthering the relationship and establishing deeper connection. They are looking for boyfriends. Studies on how frequently women fake O’s make it seem they have the same expectations as men do for hook-ups.

Seem unlikely^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a date with a divorced woman who was 38 and man she was DTF right there and then after the first date. I don’t sleep with any date until a month into the relationship. So we had our first date, everything was going well, she had a few drinks( I don’t drink) and we were just talking and I told her I am not into hooking up right away and her response was super DTF lol. She said “I guess I shaved for nothing tonight” and giggled. Yeah I knew she wasn’t for me. Not all men are DTF.

Yes, a few women are hyper-sexual and most likely damaged, and maybe some more who fall just short of an escort/sugar baby; however, I suspect many if not most women sleep with men a bit too soon in hopes of furthering the relationship and establishing deeper connection. They are looking for boyfriends. Studies on how frequently women fake O’s make it seem they have the same expectations as men do for hook-ups.

I’ve been surprised by a few dates I’ve been on (male 54) where the first date hasn’t gone well from my perspective but the woman invites me back to her place. With no desire for a second date I’ve always said a polite no and quickly exit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:High value men do not care about about your degree or net worth.

False for me. I'm a high value men in every sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could meet someone like you in the Apps. I am a guy and I think it’s even harder for us. At least women have suitors but for most men it’s desert island ….

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If i like a man and see him at least 3 times, I try to create a comfortable setting to have a make-out session (without sex but certainly with me undressing to nice lingerie). It's important for me to see if he's turning me on, and other way around, before continue seeing each other. Why waste everyone's time?

Sex is usually a month in, usually 6-7 dates and after I verified he's single, doesn't have criminal history, know where he works, and after I visited his home (again ,to verify he lives alone and is transparent).

Not sure how a woman can even have sex safely with anyone on date 1-2

Seriously? Man here but if a woman strips down to nice lingerie I’m not going to be sitting there with my shirt and pants on. Then it will be very obvious that I am turned on and if it ends there I will assume she is a C-teaser. Please do your dates a favor and keep your clothes on until you are ready for sex.

A man would be also undressed to underpants, well fed prior, and we would certainly have at least 3 dates with good heart to heart conversations and be relaxed. I’ll be giving him a massage, and yes in most cases he finishes on my belly or back and I’m very close to O. I can only finish from PIV so I won’t let them go down on me. Oral sex is reciprocal IMHO and I don’t do it either direction until I’m certain he’s not sleeping with others. I do tell ahead of time that I don’t know them well enough to have actual penetrative sex. I had 6 LTRs and no flings at all in my lifetime. Only one guy backed off (out of 8 it started this way), and later acknowledged he was already sleeping with someone (good riddance!). Another guy had something about his body that repulsed me so I slowly faded on him after the undressing session. With 6 others sex did happen in a month or so.
It’s basically the same as the PP woman describes but I just go further than taking out a man’s P from his pants and rubbing it. It seems very mechanical and dry to treat a man’s body partially as if only his P matters. I would want to see him undressed and caress other areas as well if I like him. It’s basically a full foreplay where I don’t get an O but he might (which depends on his sexual responsiveness).

[Anonymous]

You see the conflicting responses on here.

Some men saying if a woman doesn’t have sex within the first few dates, then something is wrong with them. And they lose interest.

Some men saying if a woman does want to have sex right away, then something’s wrong with them. And they lose interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You see the conflicting responses on here.

Some men saying if a woman doesn’t have sex within the first few dates, then something is wrong with them. And they lose interest.

Some men saying if a woman does want to have sex right away, then something’s wrong with them. And they lose interest.

So the balanced approach seems to be for the woman to show she’s interested in some ways.
As PP man suggested, I do offer to plan a date 4 or 5, might get tickets for an event etc when I’m interested in him but undecided yet to which extent.