Why dating became so hard 😔

[Anonymous]

I follow a YouTuber who coaches women over 40/50 who can be naive about online dating. He says that online dating is like prostitution for some men. They're only using online dating for sex, nothing serious. I am in my early 50s. I didn't know some men use eharmony because they're profiles aren't public.

I never had this problem with meeting nice men who wanted a more serious relationship on eharmony. I never used other dating sites.

I would not try to meet a man on a dating app if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a date with a divorced woman who was 38 and man she was DTF right there and then after the first date. I don’t sleep with any date until a month into the relationship. So we had our first date, everything was going well, she had a few drinks( I don’t drink) and we were just talking and I told her I am not into hooking up right away and her response was super DTF lol. She said “I guess I shaved for nothing tonight” and giggled. Yeah I knew she wasn’t for me. Not all men are DTF.

Yeah, I would say that it is very situational. You'd have to be very sure that you aren't hooking up with "crazy".

The other aspect of this is STDs. How do you assess that within the first date or two?

Even in my 20s, I would never initially sleep with a woman unless I used a condom. Not just STDs, but really did not want to pay 18 years of child support.

During college our frat had a "rawdogging randoms" thing. It was mostly a joke but some guys took the meme seriously. We all got the clap at some point, mostly because we were banging the same sluts that took turns on us. Few of my bros actually knocked up some girls. It was fun but also really stupid.

Syphilis or gonorrhea? And your current age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a date with a divorced woman who was 38 and man she was DTF right there and then after the first date. I don’t sleep with any date until a month into the relationship. So we had our first date, everything was going well, she had a few drinks( I don’t drink) and we were just talking and I told her I am not into hooking up right away and her response was super DTF lol. She said “I guess I shaved for nothing tonight” and giggled. Yeah I knew she wasn’t for me. Not all men are DTF.

Yeah, I would say that it is very situational. You'd have to be very sure that you aren't hooking up with "crazy".

The other aspect of this is STDs. How do you assess that within the first date or two?

Even in my 20s, I would never initially sleep with a woman unless I used a condom. Not just STDs, but really did not want to pay 18 years of child support.

During college our frat had a "rawdogging randoms" thing. It was mostly a joke but some guys took the meme seriously. We all got the clap at some point, mostly because we were banging the same sluts that took turns on us. Few of my bros actually knocked up some girls. It was fun but also really stupid.

Sounds like all of you had a healthy respect of women. If your spouses went to different colleges, who knows? Maybe they were the sluts of that institution.

[Anonymous]

From the beginning of time early dating has been difficult even more so when you are older because of prior relationship baggage and physical changes. Early dating -2-3 dates - for me now is really focused on doing casual fun things, I’ve even gone bowling, just to see what someone is like in that environment. If they seem smart, fun and can hold an intelligent conversation it can move onto a more serious date. By that point my interest is usually high enough so that if the evening goes really well it can last until morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like men don't see you as serious relationship material. Instead they see you as a sexual layup.

When meeting a woman, most men know right away whether she is relationship or hookup. You need to get sorted into the former in men's mental algorithm.

This is horrible thing to say I am not here to brag but I am a successful doctor, I speak 3 languages, I lived in multiple countries and I own two homes at 35, and only had 2 relationships in my whole life, if this is giving hookup vibes than no thank you they stay in their place.

If the above descriptor is true, there is absolutely no way on this earth you are going to meet your longterm match on a dating app.
Absolutely zero way.
Choose another avenue of meeting your potential mate. Seriously.

Either that or just enjoy the casual dating app sex.

I am a man and I don't agree with this. OP sounds appealing to me, or at least potentially appealing. I ask our most women I see on the apps with profiles like hers. Most don't respond to me. Even we have a few nice dates, there may not be sufficient chemistry for a relationship. But I come away from it admiring them and I hope the feeling is mutual.

As for sex, I think the men you want will probably wait a while. Not a year. Not six months. But a while. You must at least give the impression that you are a sexual person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like men don't see you as serious relationship material. Instead they see you as a sexual layup.

When meeting a woman, most men know right away whether she is relationship or hookup. You need to get sorted into the former in men's mental algorithm.

Harsh but true.

-Guy

OP - men are not monolithic and many (most?) are not masterminds of dating either. If you think you’re fumbling through it / trying to make sense of it, then so are most of these dudes. They don’t know which women are “hook up worthy” and who are “wife material” - as if the two are mutually exclusive anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are single at 35 when was dating ever not hard for you? Don't mean to be snarky but it doesn't sound like this is something new.

She said she has been in two relationships (implying, to me at least, actual longer term things and not random dating).

Maybe you missed that detail. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you didn't mean to be snarky. But just know that if she's had two relationships, then your "when was dating ever not hard for you?" comes off poorly for you, PP.

[Anonymous]

A relative (widowed in her 40s) tried apps and hated the meat market attitude of men. Then she was volunteering for an organization she cares about and met a great guy who was also volunteering. They're a couple now. Shared values, shared interests, shared desire to be involved in the community. Infinitely better foundation for a real relationship than some random person on an app who may or may not be describing themselves truthfully.

Start doing things you value, OP, things which would interest and engage you, whether or not you ever meet someone through doing them. You might or might not find dates or a relationship that way. But whatever you do find will be far better quality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I follow a YouTuber who coaches women over 40/50 who can be naive about online dating. He says that online dating is like prostitution for some men. They're only using online dating for sex, nothing serious. I am in my early 50s. I didn't know some men use eharmony because they're profiles aren't public.

I never had this problem with meeting nice men who wanted a more serious relationship on eharmony. I never used other dating sites.

I would not try to meet a man on a dating app if I were you.

Following the dating coaches on social media can be really helpful.

A lot of the content out there is obvious and annoying, but I found there were some useful perspectives.

Kind of like Dcum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A relative (widowed in her 40s) tried apps and hated the meat market attitude of men. Then she was volunteering for an organization she cares about and met a great guy who was also volunteering. They're a couple now. Shared values, shared interests, shared desire to be involved in the community. Infinitely better foundation for a real relationship than some random person on an app who may or may not be describing themselves truthfully.

Start doing things you value, OP, things which would interest and engage you, whether or not you ever meet someone through doing them. You might or might not find dates or a relationship that way. But whatever you do find will be far better quality.

I really love this advice thank you so much, that’s my goal for next year doing more activities for myself and if I meet a good man who values relationships and love (I am sorry I am hopeless romantic) it will be perfect. Thank you and happy new year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like men don't see you as serious relationship material. Instead they see you as a sexual layup.

When meeting a woman, most men know right away whether she is relationship or hookup. You need to get sorted into the former in men's mental algorithm.

This is horrible thing to say I am not here to brag but I am a successful doctor, I speak 3 languages, I lived in multiple countries and I own two homes at 35, and only had 2 relationships in my whole life, if this is giving hookup vibes than no thank you they stay in their place.

If the above descriptor is true, there is absolutely no way on this earth you are going to meet your longterm match on a dating app.
Absolutely zero way.
Choose another avenue of meeting your potential mate. Seriously.

Either that or just enjoy the casual dating app sex.

I am a man and I don't agree with this. OP sounds appealing to me, or at least potentially appealing. I ask our most women I see on the apps with profiles like hers. Most don't respond to me. Even we have a few nice dates, there may not be sufficient chemistry for a relationship. But I come away from it admiring them and I hope the feeling is mutual.

As for sex, I think the men you want will probably wait a while. Not a year. Not six months. But a while. You must at least give the impression that you are a sexual person.

Thank you I am not against sex but being with someone is the last step to connect and be one with the person. I want to get to know him and I want the man to know me and not see me as a body to sleep with. I have so much to offer than just sex and I am not sleeping with a man just for the sake of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I follow a YouTuber who coaches women over 40/50 who can be naive about online dating. He says that online dating is like prostitution for some men. They're only using online dating for sex, nothing serious. I am in my early 50s. I didn't know some men use eharmony because they're profiles aren't public.

I never had this problem with meeting nice men who wanted a more serious relationship on eharmony. I never used other dating sites.

I would not try to meet a man on a dating app if I were you.

All apps are the same men. Eharmony actually was where I met most men who were still married or separated. They only disclosed after a few dates. Delaying sex at least for a month is the only sure method to weed out men who look for a free wh..re

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are single at 35 when was dating ever not hard for you? Don't mean to be snarky but it doesn't sound like this is something new.

I’m far older than that and dating has never been hard for me at all.

If dating was difficult I would have hung onto the first person who liked me and not let them go.

[Anonymous]

Just so many very entitled gold digging women everywhere now unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Bots are reviving old threads today I see.