Husband’s female friend encroaching

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has had a female friend since he was about ten years old and they are very close. Initially it bothered me but over time I realized that they are and will always be great buddies. At one point she was divorced and that got my attention but my husband has never given me a reason to not believe they are just friends. At one point early on I asked if he had ever slept with her and that was stupid on my part given I’ve had guy friends who I didn’t sleep with.

Totally missing the point. They would have slept with you if you let them. Also you were feeding emotionally on their sexual attraction to you.

Same with your husband and his "friend." Just because you didn't have sex with your male orbiters doesn't mean they didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a platonic friendship between a heterosexual man and woman, at least anything more than a very superficial one. When it's these very involved years long things there is always a strong sexual or emotional undercurrent on one or both sides and frequently both sides. The guy is only wasting his time with it because it feeds his fantasy of having sex with the woman. The woman feeds the fantasy for the attention she gets. It's only a matter of chance when it crosses over to something physical. The woman always says "I never knew it would happen, we were just good friends. It just happened." A game as old as time. People claiming otherwise are gaslighting b.s. artists who are looking to cheat or active cheaters themselves.

You sound deranged

You sound like a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has had a female friend since he was about ten years old and they are very close. Initially it bothered me but over time I realized that they are and will always be great buddies. At one point she was divorced and that got my attention but my husband has never given me a reason to not believe they are just friends. At one point early on I asked if he had ever slept with her and that was stupid on my part given I’ve had guy friends who I didn’t sleep with.

Totally missing the point. They would have slept with you if you let them. Also you were feeding emotionally on their sexual attraction to you.

Same with your husband and his "friend." Just because you didn't have sex with your male orbiters doesn't mean they didn't.

You people are seriously crazy. I'm a man. I've got female friends who I've been friends with for decades to whom I'm not remotely attracted. I've got a woman I've been friends with since high school. I'm in her will to take care of her kids if something happens. I've been the one to drive her home from surgeries. It's one of my closest friendships. I don't want to sleep with her. I didn't want to sleep with her when we were both single. If she asked, I'd assume she had a tumor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has had a female friend since he was about ten years old and they are very close. Initially it bothered me but over time I realized that they are and will always be great buddies. At one point she was divorced and that got my attention but my husband has never given me a reason to not believe they are just friends. At one point early on I asked if he had ever slept with her and that was stupid on my part given I’ve had guy friends who I didn’t sleep with.

Totally missing the point. They would have slept with you if you let them. Also you were feeding emotionally on their sexual attraction to you.

Same with your husband and his "friend." Just because you didn't have sex with your male orbiters doesn't mean they didn't.

You people are seriously crazy. I'm a man. I've got female friends who I've been friends with for decades to whom I'm not remotely attracted. I've got a woman I've been friends with since high school. I'm in her will to take care of her kids if something happens. I've been the one to drive her home from surgeries. It's one of my closest friendships. I don't want to sleep with her. I didn't want to sleep with her when we were both single. If she asked, I'd assume she had a tumor.

That's interesting. Why did she pick you to be the guardian of her children? Sounds like a pretty close emotional relationship. Is her husband dead or something? What does your wife think about it?

When you say you have female friends for decades you mean you are in constant close contact with them texting and so forth like the OP describes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has had a female friend since he was about ten years old and they are very close. Initially it bothered me but over time I realized that they are and will always be great buddies. At one point she was divorced and that got my attention but my husband has never given me a reason to not believe they are just friends. At one point early on I asked if he had ever slept with her and that was stupid on my part given I’ve had guy friends who I didn’t sleep with.

Totally missing the point. They would have slept with you if you let them. Also you were feeding emotionally on their sexual attraction to you.

Same with your husband and his "friend." Just because you didn't have sex with your male orbiters doesn't mean they didn't.

You people are seriously crazy. I'm a man. I've got female friends who I've been friends with for decades to whom I'm not remotely attracted. I've got a woman I've been friends with since high school. I'm in her will to take care of her kids if something happens. I've been the one to drive her home from surgeries. It's one of my closest friendships. I don't want to sleep with her. I didn't want to sleep with her when we were both single. If she asked, I'd assume she had a tumor.

That's interesting. Why did she pick you to be the guardian of her children? Sounds like a pretty close emotional relationship. Is her husband dead or something? What does your wife think about it?

When you say you have female friends for decades you mean you are in constant close contact with them texting and so forth like the OP describes?

Yeah we're really close. Friends since we were teenagers and supported each other through lots of rough times. The baby's father is alive but she doesn't trust him. I've never pushed to find out why, because I figure if she wanted to tell me she would. I also recognize that I'm unlikely to get custody over him, because that's up to a court, but I'd try.

My wife is fine with that, she was there when she asked. Obviously neither of us want my friend to die or to suddenly be raising two kids whose mom just died, but she'd do it if needed.

Yes, I have female friends I text constantly. Texting with long-term friends will come and go, but if someone is going through a hard time it'll be really often. Some of those women are attractive to me, some are not, but I'm not going to sleep with any of them because I'm married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has had a female friend since he was about ten years old and they are very close. Initially it bothered me but over time I realized that they are and will always be great buddies. At one point she was divorced and that got my attention but my husband has never given me a reason to not believe they are just friends. At one point early on I asked if he had ever slept with her and that was stupid on my part given I’ve had guy friends who I didn’t sleep with.

Totally missing the point. They would have slept with you if you let them. Also you were feeding emotionally on their sexual attraction to you.

Same with your husband and his "friend." Just because you didn't have sex with your male orbiters doesn't mean they didn't.

You people are seriously crazy. I'm a man. I've got female friends who I've been friends with for decades to whom I'm not remotely attracted. I've got a woman I've been friends with since high school. I'm in her will to take care of her kids if something happens. I've been the one to drive her home from surgeries. It's one of my closest friendships. I don't want to sleep with her. I didn't want to sleep with her when we were both single. If she asked, I'd assume she had a tumor.

That's interesting. Why did she pick you to be the guardian of her children? Sounds like a pretty close emotional relationship. Is her husband dead or something? What does your wife think about it?

When you say you have female friends for decades you mean you are in constant close contact with them texting and so forth like the OP describes?

Yeah we're really close. Friends since we were teenagers and supported each other through lots of rough times. The baby's father is alive but she doesn't trust him. I've never pushed to find out why, because I figure if she wanted to tell me she would. I also recognize that I'm unlikely to get custody over him, because that's up to a court, but I'd try.

My wife is fine with that, she was there when she asked. Obviously neither of us want my friend to die or to suddenly be raising two kids whose mom just died, but she'd do it if needed.

Yes, I have female friends I text constantly. Texting with long-term friends will come and go, but if someone is going through a hard time it'll be really often. Some of those women are attractive to me, some are not, but I'm not going to sleep with any of them because I'm married.

So you’re close enough to be given legal guardianship of her children if she dies but she isn’t close or comfortable enough with you to tell you why she doesn’t trust the baby’s father? Sounds backwards to me. Don’t super close friends confide in each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like she is sniffing around for Plan B in her lonely life, OP.

+1 she’s looking to get something from your husband she’s not getting from her own. And looking to see if he has that void too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has had a female friend since he was about ten years old and they are very close. Initially it bothered me but over time I realized that they are and will always be great buddies. At one point she was divorced and that got my attention but my husband has never given me a reason to not believe they are just friends. At one point early on I asked if he had ever slept with her and that was stupid on my part given I’ve had guy friends who I didn’t sleep with.

Totally missing the point. They would have slept with you if you let them. Also you were feeding emotionally on their sexual attraction to you.

Same with your husband and his "friend." Just because you didn't have sex with your male orbiters doesn't mean they didn't.

You people are seriously crazy. I'm a man. I've got female friends who I've been friends with for decades to whom I'm not remotely attracted. I've got a woman I've been friends with since high school. I'm in her will to take care of her kids if something happens. I've been the one to drive her home from surgeries. It's one of my closest friendships. I don't want to sleep with her. I didn't want to sleep with her when we were both single. If she asked, I'd assume she had a tumor.

That's interesting. Why did she pick you to be the guardian of her children? Sounds like a pretty close emotional relationship. Is her husband dead or something? What does your wife think about it?

When you say you have female friends for decades you mean you are in constant close contact with them texting and so forth like the OP describes?

Yeah we're really close. Friends since we were teenagers and supported each other through lots of rough times. The baby's father is alive but she doesn't trust him. I've never pushed to find out why, because I figure if she wanted to tell me she would. I also recognize that I'm unlikely to get custody over him, because that's up to a court, but I'd try.

My wife is fine with that, she was there when she asked. Obviously neither of us want my friend to die or to suddenly be raising two kids whose mom just died, but she'd do it if needed.

Yes, I have female friends I text constantly. Texting with long-term friends will come and go, but if someone is going through a hard time it'll be really often. Some of those women are attractive to me, some are not, but I'm not going to sleep with any of them because I'm married.

So you’re close enough to be given legal guardianship of her children if she dies but she isn’t close or comfortable enough with you to tell you why she doesn’t trust the baby’s father? Sounds backwards to me. Don’t super close friends confide in each other?

Your concern about the friendship of 25 years between two people you've never met is noted and I'll give it all the consideration that it's due.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. I have a couple of male friends I text every day. We are just friends. Same as with my female friends. I think it's healthy to have actual friendships with both genders. And I will add, as someone who has been married 30 years, married couples never provide 100% what they each need in terms of human interaction. Friends fill a critical spot in people's lives.

I'd say, without something more going on here, there's nothing to worry about.

Nah this isn’t the same. She’s not his old friend. She could call and text OP, but she’s clearly more interested in her DH.

The friendship with the woman referenced in the OP predates OP meeting her husband.

Do you people even bother to read the OP anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has had a female friend since he was about ten years old and they are very close. Initially it bothered me but over time I realized that they are and will always be great buddies. At one point she was divorced and that got my attention but my husband has never given me a reason to not believe they are just friends. At one point early on I asked if he had ever slept with her and that was stupid on my part given I’ve had guy friends who I didn’t sleep with.

Totally missing the point. They would have slept with you if you let them. Also you were feeding emotionally on their sexual attraction to you.

Same with your husband and his "friend." Just because you didn't have sex with your male orbiters doesn't mean they didn't.

You people are seriously crazy. I'm a man. I've got female friends who I've been friends with for decades to whom I'm not remotely attracted. I've got a woman I've been friends with since high school. I'm in her will to take care of her kids if something happens. I've been the one to drive her home from surgeries. It's one of my closest friendships. I don't want to sleep with her. I didn't want to sleep with her when we were both single. If she asked, I'd assume she had a tumor.

That's interesting. Why did she pick you to be the guardian of her children? Sounds like a pretty close emotional relationship. Is her husband dead or something? What does your wife think about it?

When you say you have female friends for decades you mean you are in constant close contact with them texting and so forth like the OP describes?

Yeah we're really close. Friends since we were teenagers and supported each other through lots of rough times. The baby's father is alive but she doesn't trust him. I've never pushed to find out why, because I figure if she wanted to tell me she would. I also recognize that I'm unlikely to get custody over him, because that's up to a court, but I'd try.

My wife is fine with that, she was there when she asked. Obviously neither of us want my friend to die or to suddenly be raising two kids whose mom just died, but she'd do it if needed.

Yes, I have female friends I text constantly. Texting with long-term friends will come and go, but if someone is going through a hard time it'll be really often. Some of those women are attractive to me, some are not, but I'm not going to sleep with any of them because I'm married.

So you’re close enough to be given legal guardianship of her children if she dies but she isn’t close or comfortable enough with you to tell you why she doesn’t trust the baby’s father? Sounds backwards to me. Don’t super close friends confide in each other?

Your concern about the friendship of 25 years between two people you've never met is noted and I'll give it all the consideration that it's due.

Excellent response to a pathetic attempt at concern trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so I am 99% sure he’s not attracted to her or anything like that, it’s a truly platonic friendship going back many years, she’s married too etc, but (of course there’s a BUT) she’s texting my husband, calling etc way too damn much for my taste about random stuff. I’m just not ok with it. It feels like it is crossing a line. I keep having that internal debate about, well but what’s the harm and they’ve been friends since way before I met him even and they talk about benign boring things it seems but then the other side of me wonders why the hell she is asking my husband this stuff and not finding someone else to ask. I fear I may just one day lose it and get pissed. Any one have wise thoughts?

Is she attractive?

Doesn’t matter to many men if a women is lavishing attention on them.

Huh? trust me that it DOES matter. There is no way that a man would waste his time answering a million texts from a woman who is not attractive and not his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a platonic friendship between a heterosexual man and woman, at least anything more than a very superficial one. When it's these very involved years long things there is always a strong sexual or emotional undercurrent on one or both sides and frequently both sides. The guy is only wasting his time with it because it feeds his fantasy of having sex with the woman. The woman feeds the fantasy for the attention she gets. It's only a matter of chance when it crosses over to something physical. The woman always says "I never knew it would happen, we were just good friends. It just happened." A game as old as time. People claiming otherwise are gaslighting b.s. artists who are looking to cheat or active cheaters themselves.

You sound deranged

It’s not deranged at all, it’s very accurate and well said. Classy married people don’t have deep 1 x 1 emotional friendships with the opposite sex. Your silly response that the pp “sounds deranged” is exactly the gaslighting bs that he/she was describing.

[Anonymous]

Personally I don't think the big issue is whether or not they are going to have an affair (althought I do think that is an issue). The problem for me is that this woman really is trying to get your husband to sleep with her. That is a really awful thing to do to you. I would not be okay with my husband being buddies with someone who was being awful to me. No. Not okay.

[Anonymous]

I guess if it was my marriage I would question what he isn’t getting emotionally out of our marriage from me that he is resorting to texting some other woman constantly? I’m saying that in a I know I’m providing what my husband needs type of way so marriage counseling it would be to figure out the root cause of this.

I can’t imagine my husband would be ok with me dedicating a lot of mental head space to another man either.

A lot of men don’t like to chat on the phone unless there is a specific purpose so the fact that he is dedicating a lot of time to yucking it up with some other woman I would need an explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess if it was my marriage I would question what he isn’t getting emotionally out of our marriage from me that he is resorting to texting some other woman constantly? I’m saying that in a I know I’m providing what my husband needs type of way so marriage counseling it would be to figure out the root cause of this.

I can’t imagine my husband would be ok with me dedicating a lot of mental head space to another man either.

A lot of men don’t like to chat on the phone unless there is a specific purpose so the fact that he is dedicating a lot of time to yucking it up with some other woman I would need an explanation.

You’re probably onto something but it’s normal to want something more than what you can get out of your own marriage. You just have to do it in a way that is appropriate.