Husband’s female friend encroaching

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be ok with it but my husband has never really had friends that are females.

The preferred term is "women".

what is your reasoning why one of those terms (female or woman) is preferred. Neither seems condescending or perjorative to me.

Any animal and most plants have male and female. Only people have women and men. It is dehumanizing in that context. you hear females referred to more often then people say “my husband has never had friends that are males.” It is more often “my husband doesn’t have guy friends or friends that are men.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be ok with it but my husband has never really had friends that are females.

The preferred term is "women".

what is your reasoning why one of those terms (female or woman) is preferred. Neither seems condescending or perjorative to me.

Any animal and most plants have male and female. Only people have women and men. It is dehumanizing in that context. you hear females referred to more often then people say “my husband has never had friends that are males.” It is more often “my husband doesn’t have guy friends or friends that are not men.”

A female dog is called a biytch. A female hog is called a sow. A female horse is called a mare. A female sheep is called a ewe.

You are remarkably ignorant PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old friend was engaged to someone like you.

I thought she was ridiculous . I had had many opportunities to date her rich husband when he was free and single. I was not ever the least bit attracted to him, and he knew that well.

So the whole “threat” was all in her insecure head.

Needless to say, they eventually broke up.

He broke up with the woman he was about to marry over another woman who was just a friend? Wow! Did you ever include her in the friendship or always just reach out to him and invite him out alone?

Dp, but why would I include the spouse of my friend? Do you include all the husbands of your gfs? No? Cuz it’s only women you’re worried about? Cuz you’re insecure and controlling af??

Because it’s a straight couple. To show you aren’t a threat. Why do you need to constantly be around some other woman’s man while leaving her out?

I'm not bothering to make friends with the spouses of any of my male friends to "show I'm not a threat." That's an issue with their relationship with each other, not an issue of mine. I doubt I can really control whether or not some wife thinks I'm a threat, and even if I could I don't have the energy or time or inclination to go around addressing other people's insecurities. And I don't need any more friends, I barely have time for the one's I've already got -- male and female and non-binary.

FWIW, I've been married a few years now and my DH has multiple female friends he's known longer than he's known me. They meet up for dinner, text, and whatever else friends do to catch up with each other periodically, and I'm more than fine with it; I'm glad he has good friends he's known forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you wanted to be a decent person you wouldn't want to make the lives of these men difficult.

Oh I think these men did that to themselves when they picked a crazy jealous DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old friend was engaged to someone like you.

I thought she was ridiculous . I had had many opportunities to date her rich husband when he was free and single. I was not ever the least bit attracted to him, and he knew that well.

So the whole “threat” was all in her insecure head.

Needless to say, they eventually broke up.

He broke up with the woman he was about to marry over another woman who was just a friend? Wow! Did you ever include her in the friendship or always just reach out to him and invite him out alone?

Dp, but why would I include the spouse of my friend? Do you include all the husbands of your gfs? No? Cuz it’s only women you’re worried about? Cuz you’re insecure and controlling af??

Because it’s a straight couple. To show you aren’t a threat. Why do you need to constantly be around some other woman’s man while leaving her out?

I'm not bothering to make friends with the spouses of any of my male friends to "show I'm not a threat." That's an issue with their relationship with each other, not an issue of mine. I doubt I can really control whether or not some wife thinks I'm a threat, and even if I could I don't have the energy or time or inclination to go around addressing other people's insecurities. And I don't need any more friends, I barely have time for the one's I've already got -- male and female and non-binary.

FWIW, I've been married a few years now and my DH has multiple female friends he's known longer than he's known me. They meet up for dinner, text, and whatever else friends do to catch up with each other periodically, and I'm more than fine with it; I'm glad he has good friends he's known forever.

You don't sound strongly bonded with your husband. Note, that is not at all the same thing as being jealous. You seem like you don't have strong attachments and don't understand why others would want them. Was your father or mother an alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a platonic friendship between a heterosexual man and woman, at least anything more than a very superficial one. When it's these very involved years long things there is always a strong sexual or emotional undercurrent on one or both sides and frequently both sides. The guy is only wasting his time with it because it feeds his fantasy of having sex with the woman. The woman feeds the fantasy for the attention she gets. It's only a matter of chance when it crosses over to something physical. The woman always says "I never knew it would happen, we were just good friends. It just happened." A game as old as time. People claiming otherwise are gaslighting b.s. artists who are looking to cheat or active cheaters themselves.

You sound deranged

It’s not deranged at all, it’s very accurate and well said. Classy married people don’t have deep 1 x 1 emotional friendships with the opposite sex. Your silly response that the pp “sounds deranged” is exactly the gaslighting bs that he/she was describing.

DP. You are wrong. It definitely does sound deranged.

You wouldn't happen to be a Pence, would you? Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has had a female friend since he was about ten years old and they are very close. Initially it bothered me but over time I realized that they are and will always be great buddies. At one point she was divorced and that got my attention but my husband has never given me a reason to not believe they are just friends. At one point early on I asked if he had ever slept with her and that was stupid on my part given I’ve had guy friends who I didn’t sleep with.

Totally missing the point. They would have slept with you if you let them. Also you were feeding emotionally on their sexual attraction to you.

Same with your husband and his "friend." Just because you didn't have sex with your male orbiters doesn't mean they didn't.

You people are seriously crazy. I'm a man. I've got female friends who I've been friends with for decades to whom I'm not remotely attracted. I've got a woman I've been friends with since high school. I'm in her will to take care of her kids if something happens. I've been the one to drive her home from surgeries. It's one of my closest friendships. I don't want to sleep with her. I didn't want to sleep with her when we were both single. If she asked, I'd assume she had a tumor.

That's interesting. Why did she pick you to be the guardian of her children? Sounds like a pretty close emotional relationship. Is her husband dead or something? What does your wife think about it?

When you say you have female friends for decades you mean you are in constant close contact with them texting and so forth like the OP describes?

Yeah we're really close. Friends since we were teenagers and supported each other through lots of rough times. The baby's father is alive but she doesn't trust him. I've never pushed to find out why, because I figure if she wanted to tell me she would. I also recognize that I'm unlikely to get custody over him, because that's up to a court, but I'd try.

My wife is fine with that, she was there when she asked. Obviously neither of us want my friend to die or to suddenly be raising two kids whose mom just died, but she'd do it if needed.

Yes, I have female friends I text constantly. Texting with long-term friends will come and go, but if someone is going through a hard time it'll be really often. Some of those women are attractive to me, some are not, but I'm not going to sleep with any of them because I'm married.

So you’re close enough to be given legal guardianship of her children if she dies but she isn’t close or comfortable enough with you to tell you why she doesn’t trust the baby’s father? Sounds backwards to me. Don’t super close friends confide in each other?

Your concern about the friendship of 25 years between two people you've never met is noted and I'll give it all the consideration that it's due.

.

Lol you're just playing the long game PP the very long game. Maybe you are the quintessential beta orbiter.

I mean you seem to define the term. You pretend you have no sexual romantic or emotional interest in any of these friends but quite clearly you are heavily invested in these women. All that energy you are putting into multiple other women is detracting from your relationship with your spouse, but you already know that.

I am quite sure you don't share the full extent of your feelings towards these women with your spouse.

The incel who has been attending Pick Up Artist conferences has entered the chat...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old friend was engaged to someone like you.

I thought she was ridiculous . I had had many opportunities to date her rich husband when he was free and single. I was not ever the least bit attracted to him, and he knew that well.

So the whole “threat” was all in her insecure head.

Needless to say, they eventually broke up.

He broke up with the woman he was about to marry over another woman who was just a friend? Wow! Did you ever include her in the friendship or always just reach out to him and invite him out alone?

Dp, but why would I include the spouse of my friend? Do you include all the husbands of your gfs? No? Cuz it’s only women you’re worried about? Cuz you’re insecure and controlling af??

Because it’s a straight couple. To show you aren’t a threat. Why do you need to constantly be around some other woman’s man while leaving her out?

I'm not bothering to make friends with the spouses of any of my male friends to "show I'm not a threat." That's an issue with their relationship with each other, not an issue of mine. I doubt I can really control whether or not some wife thinks I'm a threat, and even if I could I don't have the energy or time or inclination to go around addressing other people's insecurities. And I don't need any more friends, I barely have time for the one's I've already got -- male and female and non-binary.

FWIW, I've been married a few years now and my DH has multiple female friends he's known longer than he's known me. They meet up for dinner, text, and whatever else friends do to catch up with each other periodically, and I'm more than fine with it; I'm glad he has good friends he's known forever.

You don't sound strongly bonded with your husband. Note, that is not at all the same thing as being jealous. You seem like you don't have strong attachments and don't understand why others would want them. Was your father or mother an alcoholic?

I'm very strongly bonded with my DH. He's the love of my life and I'm his and we have a stronger marriage than almost every married couple I know. But thank you for your concern, though, lol.

You sound like you don't have healthy attachments at all, given your weird assessment of mine based on the fact that my DH has a few female friends and I'm not drooling with fear over it.

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyed by this woman but everyone is different.

I have a good friend who is madly in love with her husband; they are an amazing couple. She has a married coworker she has worked with for 6 years and is best friends with. Sometimes when they travel they go out dinner and for drinks and once in a while even crash together but nothing has ever happened. I think you can have a close friendship with the opposite sex that is just platonic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old friend was engaged to someone like you.

I thought she was ridiculous . I had had many opportunities to date her rich husband when he was free and single. I was not ever the least bit attracted to him, and he knew that well.

So the whole “threat” was all in her insecure head.

Needless to say, they eventually broke up.

He broke up with the woman he was about to marry over another woman who was just a friend? Wow! Did you ever include her in the friendship or always just reach out to him and invite him out alone?

Dp, but why would I include the spouse of my friend? Do you include all the husbands of your gfs? No? Cuz it’s only women you’re worried about? Cuz you’re insecure and controlling af??

Because it’s a straight couple. To show you aren’t a threat. Why do you need to constantly be around some other woman’s man while leaving her out?

I'm not bothering to make friends with the spouses of any of my male friends to "show I'm not a threat." That's an issue with their relationship with each other, not an issue of mine. I doubt I can really control whether or not some wife thinks I'm a threat, and even if I could I don't have the energy or time or inclination to go around addressing other people's insecurities. And I don't need any more friends, I barely have time for the one's I've already got -- male and female and non-binary.

FWIW, I've been married a few years now and my DH has multiple female friends he's known longer than he's known me. They meet up for dinner, text, and whatever else friends do to catch up with each other periodically, and I'm more than fine with it; I'm glad he has good friends he's known forever.

You don't sound strongly bonded with your husband. Note, that is not at all the same thing as being jealous. You seem like you don't have strong attachments and don't understand why others would want them. Was your father or mother an alcoholic?

I'm very strongly bonded with my DH. He's the love of my life and I'm his and we have a stronger marriage than almost every married couple I know. But thank you for your concern, though, lol.

You sound like you don't have healthy attachments at all, given your weird assessment of mine based on the fact that my DH has a few female friends and I'm not drooling with fear over it.

You say your husband frequently goes out to dinner with his female friends without you. Those are dates, sweetie. You're just doing the same sort of thing though. You're emotionally disengaged from each other. Pretend all you like, you are only fooling yourself.

[Anonymous]

You are looking for a problem that may not exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be annoyed by this woman but everyone is different.

I have a good friend who is madly in love with her husband; they are an amazing couple. She has a married coworker she has worked with for 6 years and is best friends with. Sometimes when they travel they go out dinner and for drinks and once in a while even crash together but nothing has ever happened. I think you can have a close friendship with the opposite sex that is just platonic.

The naivety is amusing. "Nothing has ever happened.". You know this how exactly? They go out on dinner and drinking dates.on business trips without their spouses and even sleep together that's what you mean by crash together, sleeping in the same bedroom, perhaps in the same bed.

They're having an affair you dimwit.

[Anonymous]

This is so silly. I have multiple good male friends who are married and their spouses are gone with it.

[Anonymous]

Oh I think these men did that to themselves when they picked a crazy jealous DW

These men would not want you in their life -- if they knew you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so silly. I have multiple good male friends who are married and their spouses are gone with it.

Are you attractive? If so they have sexual thoughts about you.

Of course if you're intelligent you already know that.

Pretending they don't is part of the game