Husband’s female friend encroaching

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a platonic friendship between a heterosexual man and woman, at least anything more than a very superficial one. When it's these very involved years long things there is always a strong sexual or emotional undercurrent on one or both sides and frequently both sides. The guy is only wasting his time with it because it feeds his fantasy of having sex with the woman. The woman feeds the fantasy for the attention she gets. It's only a matter of chance when it crosses over to something physical. The woman always says "I never knew it would happen, we were just good friends. It just happened." A game as old as time. People claiming otherwise are gaslighting b.s. artists who are looking to cheat or active cheaters themselves.

You sound deranged

It’s not deranged at all, it’s very accurate and well said. Classy married people don’t have deep 1 x 1 emotional friendships with the opposite sex. Your silly response that the pp “sounds deranged” is exactly the gaslighting bs that he/she was describing.

DP. You are wrong. It definitely does sound deranged.

You wouldn't happen to be a Pence, would you? Lol.

you sound like a Democrat - ridicule and mock those who disagree with you

[Anonymous]

I'm not attractive but happily married and most of my close friends are men, many with their own wives. I find the unnecessary drama many female friendships have perplexing. I text my friends, they text me, we share challenges and good things... male and female.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the relationship. I have many guy friends from different walks of life. I introduced my DH to all of them. He hangs out with some without me and is a closer friend to them than I am. He actually went on a fishing trip with my childhood neighbor.

I am friends with my HS sweetheart. We text on birthdays and rarely talk about our classmates but hang out with our spouses present when they visit, never by ourselves. DH likes the guy (I have a type, and I am friendly with the wife.

I have a close male friend from college. We definitely have a pattern with him; when he is going through rough patches in his marriage, he messages a lot. We don’t discuss the marriage or the spouse but everyday things. Recently, something must have happened because he is texting a lot. I can see how I'd be concerned if I were my friend’s wife, but not because I am female, but because she should be his main outlet and not me (or his many guy friends).

DH has female friends, too. The ones I like are great women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old friend was engaged to someone like you.

I thought she was ridiculous . I had had many opportunities to date her rich husband when he was free and single. I was not ever the least bit attracted to him, and he knew that well.

So the whole “threat” was all in her insecure head.

Needless to say, they eventually broke up.

He broke up with the woman he was about to marry over another woman who was just a friend? Wow! Did you ever include her in the friendship or always just reach out to him and invite him out alone?

Dp, but why would I include the spouse of my friend? Do you include all the husbands of your gfs? No? Cuz it’s only women you’re worried about? Cuz you’re insecure and controlling af??

Because it’s a straight couple. To show you aren’t a threat. Why do you need to constantly be around some other woman’s man while leaving her out?

I'm not bothering to make friends with the spouses of any of my male friends to "show I'm not a threat." That's an issue with their relationship with each other, not an issue of mine. I doubt I can really control whether or not some wife thinks I'm a threat, and even if I could I don't have the energy or time or inclination to go around addressing other people's insecurities. And I don't need any more friends, I barely have time for the one's I've already got -- male and female and non-binary.

FWIW, I've been married a few years now and my DH has multiple female friends he's known longer than he's known me. They meet up for dinner, text, and whatever else friends do to catch up with each other periodically, and I'm more than fine with it; I'm glad he has good friends he's known forever.

You don't sound strongly bonded with your husband. Note, that is not at all the same thing as being jealous. You seem like you don't have strong attachments and don't understand why others would want them. Was your father or mother an alcoholic?

I'm very strongly bonded with my DH. He's the love of my life and I'm his and we have a stronger marriage than almost every married couple I know. But thank you for your concern, though, lol.

You sound like you don't have healthy attachments at all, given your weird assessment of mine based on the fact that my DH has a few female friends and I'm not drooling with fear over it.

You say your husband frequently goes out to dinner with his female friends without you. Those are dates, sweetie. You're just doing the same sort of thing though. You're emotionally disengaged from each other. Pretend all you like, you are only fooling yourself.

DP: My DH frequently goes out with his guy friends without me. Are those dates, sweetie? Am I fooling myself, and he’s gay?

[Anonymous]

My husband's best friend of 25 years is a woman. If he wanted to, he would have long ago. He didn't. We take vacations with her and her husband. I like her, but she's not someone I'd consider to be part of my inner circle. She doesn't need to be. I don't monitor their conversations or demand inclusion any more than I would if it were one of his guy friends. If you can't trust your husband around "encroaching" (lol) women, why are you even with him? He's not that cool if he can be easily claimed by a smooth-talking uggo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old friend was engaged to someone like you.

I thought she was ridiculous . I had had many opportunities to date her rich husband when he was free and single. I was not ever the least bit attracted to him, and he knew that well.

So the whole “threat” was all in her insecure head.

Needless to say, they eventually broke up.

He broke up with the woman he was about to marry over another woman who was just a friend? Wow! Did you ever include her in the friendship or always just reach out to him and invite him out alone?

Dp, but why would I include the spouse of my friend? Do you include all the husbands of your gfs? No? Cuz it’s only women you’re worried about? Cuz you’re insecure and controlling af??

Because it’s a straight couple. To show you aren’t a threat. Why do you need to constantly be around some other woman’s man while leaving her out?

I'm not bothering to make friends with the spouses of any of my male friends to "show I'm not a threat." That's an issue with their relationship with each other, not an issue of mine. I doubt I can really control whether or not some wife thinks I'm a threat, and even if I could I don't have the energy or time or inclination to go around addressing other people's insecurities. And I don't need any more friends, I barely have time for the one's I've already got -- male and female and non-binary.

FWIW, I've been married a few years now and my DH has multiple female friends he's known longer than he's known me. They meet up for dinner, text, and whatever else friends do to catch up with each other periodically, and I'm more than fine with it; I'm glad he has good friends he's known forever.

You don't sound strongly bonded with your husband. Note, that is not at all the same thing as being jealous. You seem like you don't have strong attachments and don't understand why others would want them. Was your father or mother an alcoholic?

I'm very strongly bonded with my DH. He's the love of my life and I'm his and we have a stronger marriage than almost every married couple I know. But thank you for your concern, though, lol.

You sound like you don't have healthy attachments at all, given your weird assessment of mine based on the fact that my DH has a few female friends and I'm not drooling with fear over it.

You say your husband frequently goes out to dinner with his female friends without you. Those are dates, sweetie. You're just doing the same sort of thing though. You're emotionally disengaged from each other. Pretend all you like, you are only fooling yourself.

DP: My DH frequently goes out with his guy friends without me. Are those dates, sweetie? Am I fooling myself, and he’s gay?

Same reason it's the fault of an "encroaching woman" and not a man making a choice to stray. Insecure women only see other women as the enemy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old friend was engaged to someone like you.

I thought she was ridiculous . I had had many opportunities to date her rich husband when he was free and single. I was not ever the least bit attracted to him, and he knew that well.

So the whole “threat” was all in her insecure head.

Needless to say, they eventually broke up.

He broke up with the woman he was about to marry over another woman who was just a friend? Wow! Did you ever include her in the friendship or always just reach out to him and invite him out alone?

Dp, but why would I include the spouse of my friend? Do you include all the husbands of your gfs? No? Cuz it’s only women you’re worried about? Cuz you’re insecure and controlling af??

Because it’s a straight couple. To show you aren’t a threat. Why do you need to constantly be around some other woman’s man while leaving her out?

I'm not bothering to make friends with the spouses of any of my male friends to "show I'm not a threat." That's an issue with their relationship with each other, not an issue of mine. I doubt I can really control whether or not some wife thinks I'm a threat, and even if I could I don't have the energy or time or inclination to go around addressing other people's insecurities. And I don't need any more friends, I barely have time for the one's I've already got -- male and female and non-binary.

FWIW, I've been married a few years now and my DH has multiple female friends he's known longer than he's known me. They meet up for dinner, text, and whatever else friends do to catch up with each other periodically, and I'm more than fine with it; I'm glad he has good friends he's known forever.

You don't sound strongly bonded with your husband. Note, that is not at all the same thing as being jealous. You seem like you don't have strong attachments and don't understand why others would want them. Was your father or mother an alcoholic?

I'm very strongly bonded with my DH. He's the love of my life and I'm his and we have a stronger marriage than almost every married couple I know. But thank you for your concern, though, lol.

You sound like you don't have healthy attachments at all, given your weird assessment of mine based on the fact that my DH has a few female friends and I'm not drooling with fear over it.

You say your husband frequently goes out to dinner with his female friends without you. Those are dates, sweetie. You're just doing the same sort of thing though. You're emotionally disengaged from each other. Pretend all you like, you are only fooling yourself.

Wow, you are beyond insecure and jealous…and all the way into delusional. Sweetie. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah my ex husband was “just” friends with a woman when a few months after our divorce guess who he ended up with?

He probably realized it was better to be married to a friend thsn s insecure, jealous B

[Anonymous]

Idk, I think it's a bit fishy to be honest. Just trust your gut on it.

[Anonymous]

My ex's "friend" was the first person he ****ed as soon as we broke up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old friend was engaged to someone like you.

I thought she was ridiculous . I had had many opportunities to date her rich husband when he was free and single. I was not ever the least bit attracted to him, and he knew that well.

So the whole “threat” was all in her insecure head.

Needless to say, they eventually broke up.

He broke up with the woman he was about to marry over another woman who was just a friend? Wow! Did you ever include her in the friendship or always just reach out to him and invite him out alone?

Dp, but why would I include the spouse of my friend? Do you include all the husbands of your gfs? No? Cuz it’s only women you’re worried about? Cuz you’re insecure and controlling af??

Because it’s a straight couple. To show you aren’t a threat. Why do you need to constantly be around some other woman’s man while leaving her out?

I'm not bothering to make friends with the spouses of any of my male friends to "show I'm not a threat." That's an issue with their relationship with each other, not an issue of mine. I doubt I can really control whether or not some wife thinks I'm a threat, and even if I could I don't have the energy or time or inclination to go around addressing other people's insecurities. And I don't need any more friends, I barely have time for the one's I've already got -- male and female and non-binary.

FWIW, I've been married a few years now and my DH has multiple female friends he's known longer than he's known me. They meet up for dinner, text, and whatever else friends do to catch up with each other periodically, and I'm more than fine with it; I'm glad he has good friends he's known forever.

You don't sound strongly bonded with your husband. Note, that is not at all the same thing as being jealous. You seem like you don't have strong attachments and don't understand why others would want them. Was your father or mother an alcoholic?

I'm very strongly bonded with my DH. He's the love of my life and I'm his and we have a stronger marriage than almost every married couple I know. But thank you for your concern, though, lol.

You sound like you don't have healthy attachments at all, given your weird assessment of mine based on the fact that my DH has a few female friends and I'm not drooling with fear over it.

You say your husband frequently goes out to dinner with his female friends without you. Those are dates, sweetie. You're just doing the same sort of thing though. You're emotionally disengaged from each other. Pretend all you like, you are only fooling yourself.

DP: My DH frequently goes out with his guy friends without me. Are those dates, sweetie? Am I fooling myself, and he’s gay?

Obviously if your husband is gay those would in fact be dates. It sounds like you aren't sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My old friend was engaged to someone like you.

I thought she was ridiculous . I had had many opportunities to date her rich husband when he was free and single. I was not ever the least bit attracted to him, and he knew that well.

So the whole “threat” was all in her insecure head.

Needless to say, they eventually broke up.

He broke up with the woman he was about to marry over another woman who was just a friend? Wow! Did you ever include her in the friendship or always just reach out to him and invite him out alone?

Dp, but why would I include the spouse of my friend? Do you include all the husbands of your gfs? No? Cuz it’s only women you’re worried about? Cuz you’re insecure and controlling af??

Because it’s a straight couple. To show you aren’t a threat. Why do you need to constantly be around some other woman’s man while leaving her out?

I'm not bothering to make friends with the spouses of any of my male friends to "show I'm not a threat." That's an issue with their relationship with each other, not an issue of mine. I doubt I can really control whether or not some wife thinks I'm a threat, and even if I could I don't have the energy or time or inclination to go around addressing other people's insecurities. And I don't need any more friends, I barely have time for the one's I've already got -- male and female and non-binary.

FWIW, I've been married a few years now and my DH has multiple female friends he's known longer than he's known me. They meet up for dinner, text, and whatever else friends do to catch up with each other periodically, and I'm more than fine with it; I'm glad he has good friends he's known forever.

You don't sound strongly bonded with your husband. Note, that is not at all the same thing as being jealous. You seem like you don't have strong attachments and don't understand why others would want them. Was your father or mother an alcoholic?

I'm very strongly bonded with my DH. He's the love of my life and I'm his and we have a stronger marriage than almost every married couple I know. But thank you for your concern, though, lol.

You sound like you don't have healthy attachments at all, given your weird assessment of mine based on the fact that my DH has a few female friends and I'm not drooling with fear over it.

You say your husband frequently goes out to dinner with his female friends without you. Those are dates, sweetie. You're just doing the same sort of thing though. You're emotionally disengaged from each other. Pretend all you like, you are only fooling yourself.

Wow, you are beyond insecure and jealous…and all the way into delusional. Sweetie. Lol.

Said like an experienced OW.

[Anonymous]

I am close friends with a guy at work. We IM all the time at work and go out dinners when we travel. I am not interested in him as more than a friend.