Scared of getting married because of divorce horror stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a banker and I'm a social worker. He knew our incomes would be imbalanced going in, We both worked hard although I've always had a fair amount of flexibility in terms of work (something that is pretty damn valuable when you have kids!). During covid, I spent a couple years as a SAHP because it was best for our family and now working again. My flexibility has allowed his career to flourish and our family benefits as a result. You may feel very differently once you have kids.

Our marriage is our greatest source of happiness and stability. We're a team and that's the way we both view it.

did he ask for a prenup? What would happen if you got divorced? You'd take half his assets, right? That's what OP is afraid of.

If OP doesn't want to worry about that, then he needs to marry a woman who earns near to him. However, if he does that, he also needs to be a co-parent, meaning, he needs to be ready to put his career on the back burner sometimes to deal with childcare and house chores. Is OP ready for that? Or does OP want a sahm so he doesn't have to worry about any of that and just focus on his career, and for her to also stay slim and hot and ready for sex whenever OP wants it?

Women may not be able to have everything, but neither can a man.

Exactly.


So she should get 1/2 of 20 million even if she just shopped all day? Only American men are stupid enough to fall for this logic.

If you marry a rich guy, you have a great life. Keep working and save all of your money.

Social worker PP' flexibility in her low paying career has greatly benefited her husband even if it's just reducing his stress.

I don't understand why men want this but do not want to compensate their wives in the case of divorce . And a woman would have to be really stupid and desperate to make these sacrifices that benefit the whole family while signing a pre nup that would leave her high and dry if things go south.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then don’t get married. See how easy that is. Don’t ever get married. If you are looking to marry yourself in a wig basically, what is the point. Just buy a nice mirror.

Or, just get married on your terms--get a strong prenup. The law allows it. The courts have for 50 years agreed that prenups do not violate public policy. And that consenting adults should be able to engage in contracts.

I have yet to see a business deal that ended well when one party got a contract on their terms, let alone a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you are banking half of your income on her, but she is banking ALL of her youth and beauty on you.
You both have a lot to lose in a divorce.

Oh, not to mention her ability to bear children. If she marries you and stays married long enough to get alimony, you are going to be the father of her children.
She’s putting everything she has on you being a good guy who will love her and take care of her.

This is a much bigger risk for the woman.

Right? OP is worried about losing half, but his girlfriend is putting everything she has on the line.

The internalized misogyny of this statement is breathtaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then don’t get married. See how easy that is. Don’t ever get married. If you are looking to marry yourself in a wig basically, what is the point. Just buy a nice mirror.

Or, just get married on your terms--get a strong prenup. The law allows it. The courts have for 50 years agreed that prenups do not violate public policy. And that consenting adults should be able to engage in contracts.

I have yet to see a business deal that ended well when one party got a contract on their terms, let alone a marriage.

As opposed to the 50% of business deals that start in good faith and end with each party doing everything in their power to exploit and leverage the contract terms in the partnership’s dissolution? Please share your business expertise in those.

[Anonymous]

As a rich guy I can tell you that most women I dated were ok with a prenup. I just had the balls to bring it up and not back down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this? I would be the sole breadwinner too. She makes 1/10th my income and will probably become a SAHM. If we divorce I will be ruined financially.

We have zero issues in our relationship, I just tend to think of worst case scenarios.

TBH, I think you are her divorce horror story - not vice versa. You seem perfectly happy to marry someone who makes very little money compared to you and to benefit from her free labor as a SAHM, but if she exercises her autonomy to divorce you, you are concerned that YOU will be ruined financially. This distorts what is typically the objective experience of SAHMs - that they are vulnerable to being divorced at any time and will not have money to hire a lawyer and enforce their rights, that their husband will view marital equity forever as "his money", that even if divorced it is highly likely that she will not get enough in a settlement to live at anything close to the former level, that she will have to work but will have difficulty finding a well paying job, that in a divorce she will likely still de facto have primary responsibility for the kids which will continue to negatively impact her earning power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well we married income peers. I wonder why you’re choosing to date someone so different than you.

. Because she is hot as hell! Same reason I married my wife who never had any income potential...I just got the prenup.

She must be dumb as hell too. I don’t know many hot as hell women agreeing to a prenup, they have plenty of options.

I don't know. To marry a guy that is already very wealthy( not just high income), and is decent looking, not easy to find even if you are hot.

But why would a hot person or any person want a wealthy person who is looking for an unpaid servant? Someone who does not want to give you any alimony but is proudly benefitting from your beauty, your youth, your fertility, your health, your womb, your flexibility etc is not a catch. The wealth loses most of its value.

Or is it because that person might give the money to your kids? That's a big might. If they are that selfish, similar parameters may attach to any wealth being passed down: your children may have to be highly loyal to him or get nothing. What marry this person?

Imagine that, even if she married a random plumber or electrician she would end up better off financially. With this man she will end up destitute in case of a divorce. And let’s be honest, each year she ages she is being evaluated for replacement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then don’t get married. See how easy that is. Don’t ever get married. If you are looking to marry yourself in a wig basically, what is the point. Just buy a nice mirror.

Or, just get married on your terms--get a strong prenup. The law allows it. The courts have for 50 years agreed that prenups do not violate public policy. And that consenting adults should be able to engage in contracts.

I have yet to see a business deal that ended well when one party got a contract on their terms, let alone a marriage.

As opposed to the 50% of business deals that start in good faith and end with each party doing everything in their power to exploit and leverage the contract terms in the partnership’s dissolution? Please share your business expertise in those.

Well, for one 50% odds of finding and keeping a partner long term are a whole of a lot better than 0%..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this? I would be the sole breadwinner too. She makes 1/10th my income and will probably become a SAHM. If we divorce I will be ruined financially.

We have zero issues in our relationship, I just tend to think of worst case scenarios.

Through most of history marriage has been a financial transaction. Romantic marriage is very recent and primarily in the Western World.

If you are marrying without considering the finances, protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well we married income peers. I wonder why you’re choosing to date someone so different than you.

. Because she is hot as hell! Same reason I married my wife who never had any income potential...I just got the prenup.

She must be dumb as hell too. I don’t know many hot as hell women agreeing to a prenup, they have plenty of options.

I don't know. To marry a guy that is already very wealthy( not just high income), and is decent looking, not easy to find even if you are hot.

But why would a hot person or any person want a wealthy person who is looking for an unpaid servant? Someone who does not want to give you any alimony but is proudly benefitting from your beauty, your youth, your fertility, your health, your womb, your flexibility etc is not a catch. The wealth loses most of its value.

Or is it because that person might give the money to your kids? That's a big might. If they are that selfish, similar parameters may attach to any wealth being passed down: your children may have to be highly loyal to him or get nothing. What marry this person?

Imagine that, even if she married a random plumber or electrician she would end up better off financially. With this man she will end up destitute in case of a divorce. And let’s be honest, each year she ages she is being evaluated for replacement.

Trump got a prenup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a rich guy I can tell you that most women I dated were ok with a prenup. I just had the balls to bring it up and not back down.

I think this is the honorable thing to do, lay the cards on the table in the beginning.

[Anonymous]

You should be.

Just meet a woman and buy her a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a rich guy I can tell you that most women I dated were ok with a prenup. I just had the balls to bring it up and not back down.

And you are still dating I presume….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this? I would be the sole breadwinner too. She makes 1/10th my income and will probably become a SAHM. If we divorce I will be ruined financially.

We have zero issues in our relationship, I just tend to think of worst case scenarios.

TBH, I think you are her divorce horror story - not vice versa. You seem perfectly happy to marry someone who makes very little money compared to you and to benefit from her free labor as a SAHM, but if she exercises her autonomy to divorce you, you are concerned that YOU will be ruined financially. This distorts what is typically the objective experience of SAHMs - that they are vulnerable to being divorced at any time and will not have money to hire a lawyer and enforce their rights, that their husband will view marital equity forever as "his money", that even if divorced it is highly likely that she will not get enough in a settlement to live at anything close to the former level, that she will have to work but will have difficulty finding a well paying job, that in a divorce she will likely still de facto have primary responsibility for the kids which will continue to negatively impact her earning power.

Add in a prenup and she is destitute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you are banking half of your income on her, but she is banking ALL of her youth and beauty on you.
You both have a lot to lose in a divorce.

What if he made the same income as her? Why should he lose so much more just because he is rich?

I don’t know. I guess that you lose in proportion to what you have. Why should she lose so much more just because she is beautiful?