Scared of getting married because of divorce horror stories

[Anonymous]

How do you deal with this? I would be the sole breadwinner too. She makes 1/10th my income and will probably become a SAHM. If we divorce I will be ruined financially.

We have zero issues in our relationship, I just tend to think of worst case scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Thats the wong way to look at it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar situation before getting married. I thought about a pre-nup but ultimately decided against it because I didn't want to start the marriage with such an unromantic gesture. Maybe I'm naive...but 20 years later we're still together.

[Anonymous]

I would compare worst-case scenarios. How do you feel about worst-case not being with her versus worst-case being together (within reason)? Do you want to be with someone who makes a tenth of what you make and might become a SAHM? Some working partners love and honor the SAHM role, while others feel trapped and resentful.

Also, What makes you think you’d be ruined financially if you got divorced? I’m not disagreeing with this idea, but want more explanation. Are you worried about alimony payments stretching forever, for example. You can create a prenup with her that protects you both in that scenario, while you’re still happy and wanting the best for each other. After all, neither of you wants to be left clawing at each other over resources if you split up and hate each other.

[Anonymous]

It's a leap of faith. Is she your best friend? Has she demonstrated loyalty in other aspects of her life? Are you committed to 100% honest communication? Is she willing to sacrifice in the short term for a long term goal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this? I would be the sole breadwinner too. She makes 1/10th my income and will probably become a SAHM. If we divorce I will be ruined financially.

We have zero issues in our relationship, I just tend to think of worst case scenarios.

You are correct. Life is risky. Choose wisely.

[Anonymous]

If you would be financially ruined by a divorce, why not find someone who makes an income similar to yours?

[Anonymous]

Marrying someone who does not have a stable or well paying career is risky. My husband's ex, who initiated their divorce in what I think was a very self destructive move, is a financial disaster. It sucks for everyone involved - my husband who has to raise financially support his children with next to no help from his ex, her because she is broke (having run through all the money from the divorce settlement), and her kids who will have to support her. Her career was unstable when they married around age 27, she couldn't support herself before they married so they lived together, she never got her career off the ground, she became a SAHM, and now she is broke.

If I had sons, I would recommend they marry a woman with a stable, reasonably well paying career who can support herself and who wants to keep her career going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you would be financially ruined by a divorce, why not find someone who makes an income similar to yours?

This. If you both earn roughly the same amount, when you split the marital assets during divorce you get back what you put in.

[Anonymous]

Well we married income peers. I wonder why you’re choosing to date someone so different than you.

[Anonymous]

What horror stories, OP?

I don't know of anyone who divorced for fun, or to get half of their spouse's money. The people who do end up divorcing and getting some money would have given anything to make it work and not have to go through that hell.

So... I'm not sure where you're getting your stories from, but if you are afraid of that, then maybe marriage is not for you. No woman wants a paranoid, delusional and probably control-freaky spouse, you know. Not a good way to start life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well we married income peers. I wonder why you’re choosing to date someone so different than you.

He wanted the hottest girl he could get. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this? I would be the sole breadwinner too. She makes 1/10th my income and will probably become a SAHM. If we divorce I will be ruined financially.

We have zero issues in our relationship, I just tend to think of worst case scenarios.

If you don't get an airtight prenup with an alimony waiver you are making a serious mistake. Your wife will have complete optionality on the marriage--she can leave after the kids are born and take 1/2 your assets, your kids+ alimony and child support.

I have got all the protections that I described, it was never an issue. Plenty of women would die to be with a rich guy, prenup or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well we married income peers. I wonder why you’re choosing to date someone so different than you.

. Because she is hot as hell! Same reason I married my wife who never had any income potential...I just got the prenup.

[Anonymous]

As the saying goes, the person you divorce is not the same person you marry. Definitely get a prenup but also detail your expectations for working/ SAHM, etc so she can't say during the divorce that it was never discussed.