Scared of getting married because of divorce horror stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: the advice I give to my son and all other young men is do not get married. You lose most of your human rights when you marry. Women often retire as soon as they are married. I married a PhD. She had the ability to make more money than me. Instead she retired at age 27, 10 years before our first child was born. When we got divorced over 20 years later, guess which hard working spouse forked out huge amounts of money to a lazy shrew? A woman who loves you will contribute as much or more than you do to the marriage, but most women don't, evidence that they just don't love their husbands very much.

Whoever has the least to lose in a relationship is in control. That will be your wife. OP, you have the right to not live as a slave, and to not fear being made into a slave. If you stay single, you can get married anytime you like between now and when you die. Men don't have an expiration date. I'm in my late 50s and dating hotter women that I had access to when I was in my 20s. I'm sorry I've worked until now. I should have stayed single, and retired at 40. All easily done without a wife/millstone.

If you don't believe me, just read a few pages of the relationship forum here. You'll see much of the conversation is about how to bag a wealthy husband, how to keep a husband from having any fun, and how to extract as much money as possible from the husband at divorce time.

If you think my experience is unique, I can tell you that my friends Carl and Jose and Mike and Sven and Marc all had the exact same experience in their 40s or 50s.

You almost had me until the oddly out of place fake names at the end.

You expect me to give their real names? Those are just the five friends at work who went through Divorce, Inc.

Go ask 100 men in their 50s what advice they would give to themselves when they were young men. 75 percent of them will say don't get married. The rest of them will say buy Apple stock.

Expect we have data, so we don't have to rely on your biased anecdote. Overwhelming majority of men who divorce or are widowed REMARRY. And usually very quickly!

Who cares.

It’s because they’re dependent - they want a cook, cleaner, scheduler, doer, sexer, arm candy, nurse, child raiser on call and at the ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and a lot of people responding here should not (or shouldn’t have) get married. You clearly don’t want a life partner, and that’s fine. Just don’t do it.

They don't meet your definition of marriage.

Plenty of people in the hood or in Appalachia have kids with their boyfriends without getting married. Here it is being suggested you can get married but carve out( with full legal disclosure) certain aspects of marriage as defined by state law( like the right to alimony or asset sharing). Consenting adults can decide for themselves if they thing this makes sense for them.

If I had a wife that made millions a year and said she would pay all the bills and I can save my own money, hell yes I would sign a prenup. It would be wrong for me to think I have a right to the money she makes.

Oh come on.

This woman is going to be a SAHM taking care o
f OP's kids. Shouldn't that count for something? Or are millions the only valuables in this world?

Your scenario might work for a childless couple that outsources housekeeping.

Giving her something is fair, not half, not lifetime alimony or anything close.

What I don't get is why these men with stay at home wives also want the children. And then usually also want the woman to mainly care for them. There are entire countries where almost everything still is done on the barter system. Why do you think your money is so precious compared to things other people do for work that isn't charged? People pay millions for a nanny, housekeeper, nurse, cook, activity planner, social coordinator, appointment maker and keeper, sex outlet. Are the people posting here so engulfed in their work (and themselves) that they have no understanding of other parts of life? It just all seems so immature. Alimony is usually only when kids are home and is less than you would pay anyone to do the above by far. The argument just doesn't make a lot of sense. I think these people just don't want to put in the work of marriage probably like a lot of things in their life. Marriage is for people who have a decent level of maturity. Maybe that isnt you.

Yes, some males are so shallow and immature that is indeed their mind set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find the research fascinating that a woman with children's domestic work goes UP when there is also an adult male living in the house. Women get no credit for not only managing the house and home but also literally end up taking care of the other adult. And then people on here balk when that's too much and they're not able to hold a great job down too.

Do you know what makes it feasible for women to hold a great job? Men who take on 50% of the domestic responsibilities instead of somehow ADDING TO THEM. it blows my mind the shit deal women are dealt

What about when women marry a rich guy? Arguably, they do far less than if they married a middle class guy--cleaning, much of childcare etc is outsourced. So they do less but get way more--live in a nicer place, better lifestyle for themselves and their off spring.

Sorry, I don't believe Mrs. Bezos deserved even 1% of Jeff's wealth.

So my husband and my's situation is fairly common. we met both working at the same demanding firm in the same role with backgrounds from the same business school and comparable college. So fairly safe to assume we had the same potential. Decided to have kids - for one we juggled a lot and managed, by the time we had #2, something had to give and it was my career. We couldn't raise our children well (to us) and have us both be on the road a lot, both missing dinners regularly, both needing to jump on unexpected client calls during bath time etc. We could have both pulled way back to 40hr per week jobs but then our combined income would probably be about 1/4 of what he makes on his own in a high travel / longer hours job. That actually would have been fine with me but it wasn't with him.

So we now have what looks like a very traditional marriage. His star has risen and mine is in the shitter. I've worked in various roles but no ones is giving the important exciting work to the person that has to be out the door at a certain time no matter what or has to cover all sick days no matter how important a meeting is. I likely have more downtime than him but I also haven't had an uninterrupted nights sleep in 7 years, am always up with a kid by 5:45am, always covering bedtime no matter how run down or sick i may be etc. Even if you outsource cleaning and some child care, the physical toll of the little kid years is real.

He would not be able to have his career and 3 children if it wasn't for me and what I cover. If we got divorced, he'd have to decide to only have a tiny percent of custody to accommodate his unpredictable schedule or to pull waaaay back professionally to meet the needs of his kids.

I'm not asking for sympathy - we are obviously lucky. But I don't understand at all why i wouldn't deserve 50% of our families assets when we worked and made decisions as a team to acquire them and each took the lumps along with it (for me trashing my career that could have equaled his and for him seeing his kids less than if i'd been the one to keep the career while he pulled back). Would he only deserve 5% of custody since that's his relative contribution to the work of taking care of our kids? We each keep the assets we personally built - money for him and children for me?

Yes, correct.

Nothing above is wrong or debateble in society or the court of law. If you find someone who’s attempting to debate the above, they are “high conflict.” The divorce outcome will still be the same (the above), but the high conflict individual will have burned through many months and $1000s and end up with the same result as above anyhow.