Did you fall in love with your affair partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Betrayed spouses speak of limerence in an attempt to convince themselves that their spouse's relationship with the AP isn't serious. What they refuse to admit, though, is that nearly all romantic relationships start with a crush/limerence, including the one that they previously had with their spouse. Limerence will grow into lasting, meaningful love with time and attention.

That's the reason the wayward spouse has to go No Contact No Matter What with the AP if they are going to attempt reconciliation.

This 10000%

The limerence excuse always bothered me for that reason. Trouble is that it is hard to go no contact if you’re in limerence or love with someone already.

Deep down, I think betrayed spouses know this. They also know that their wayward spouse is "grieving" the end of their relationship with AP. I couldn't stay with someone who was crying in the shower because they miss their AP so much, but that's me. There's also no guarantee that they will fall back in love with you, even after the thing with the AP fades (if it ever truly does). No, too many variables and unknowns.

Haaaa. Men crying in the shower over the AP they threw under the bus.

Sure, if the whole affair was just a way to get laid. Unfortunately, it’s easy for a man to catch feels, especially when AP is a beautiful young woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Betrayed spouses speak of limerence in an attempt to convince themselves that their spouse's relationship with the AP isn't serious. What they refuse to admit, though, is that nearly all romantic relationships start with a crush/limerence, including the one that they previously had with their spouse. Limerence will grow into lasting, meaningful love with time and attention.

That's the reason the wayward spouse has to go No Contact No Matter What with the AP if they are going to attempt reconciliation.

This 10000%

The limerence excuse always bothered me for that reason. Trouble is that it is hard to go no contact if you’re in limerence or love with someone already.

Deep down, I think betrayed spouses know this. They also know that their wayward spouse is "grieving" the end of their relationship with AP. I couldn't stay with someone who was crying in the shower because they miss their AP so much, but that's me. There's also no guarantee that they will fall back in love with you, even after the thing with the AP fades (if it ever truly does). No, too many variables and unknowns.

Haaaa. Men crying in the shower over the AP they threw under the bus.

Sure, if the whole affair was just a way to get laid. Unfortunately, it’s easy for a man to catch feels, especially when AP is a beautiful young woman.

According to DCUM no AP is a beautiful young woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Betrayed spouses speak of limerence in an attempt to convince themselves that their spouse's relationship with the AP isn't serious. What they refuse to admit, though, is that nearly all romantic relationships start with a crush/limerence, including the one that they previously had with their spouse. Limerence will grow into lasting, meaningful love with time and attention.

That's the reason the wayward spouse has to go No Contact No Matter What with the AP if they are going to attempt reconciliation.

This 10000%

The limerence excuse always bothered me for that reason. Trouble is that it is hard to go no contact if you’re in limerence or love with someone already.

Deep down, I think betrayed spouses know this. They also know that their wayward spouse is "grieving" the end of their relationship with AP. I couldn't stay with someone who was crying in the shower because they miss their AP so much, but that's me. There's also no guarantee that they will fall back in love with you, even after the thing with the AP fades (if it ever truly does). No, too many variables and unknowns.

Haaaa. Men crying in the shower over the AP they threw under the bus.

Sure, if the whole affair was just a way to get laid. Unfortunately, it’s easy for a man to catch feels, especially when AP is a beautiful young woman.

According to DCUM no AP is a beautiful young woman.

Why would a beautiful young woman be an AP? Unless the guy misrepresented that he's not in a relationship, or misrepresented that he's getting out of a relationship, or made promises he has no intention nor the means to keep. You know - if the guy is a liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Betrayed spouses speak of limerence in an attempt to convince themselves that their spouse's relationship with the AP isn't serious. What they refuse to admit, though, is that nearly all romantic relationships start with a crush/limerence, including the one that they previously had with their spouse. Limerence will grow into lasting, meaningful love with time and attention.

That's the reason the wayward spouse has to go No Contact No Matter What with the AP if they are going to attempt reconciliation.

This 10000%

The limerence excuse always bothered me for that reason. Trouble is that it is hard to go no contact if you’re in limerence or love with someone already.

Deep down, I think betrayed spouses know this. They also know that their wayward spouse is "grieving" the end of their relationship with AP. I couldn't stay with someone who was crying in the shower because they miss their AP so much, but that's me. There's also no guarantee that they will fall back in love with you, even after the thing with the AP fades (if it ever truly does). No, too many variables and unknowns.

Haaaa. Men crying in the shower over the AP they threw under the bus.

Sure, if the whole affair was just a way to get laid. Unfortunately, it’s easy for a man to catch feels, especially when AP is a beautiful young woman.

According to DCUM no AP is a beautiful young woman.

Why would a beautiful young woman be an AP? Unless the guy misrepresented that he's not in a relationship, or misrepresented that he's getting out of a relationship, or made promises he has no intention nor the means to keep. You know - if the guy is a liar.

Even beautiful young women can have histories that make them vulnerable to predatory men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Betrayed spouses speak of limerence in an attempt to convince themselves that their spouse's relationship with the AP isn't serious. What they refuse to admit, though, is that nearly all romantic relationships start with a crush/limerence, including the one that they previously had with their spouse. Limerence will grow into lasting, meaningful love with time and attention.

That's the reason the wayward spouse has to go No Contact No Matter What with the AP if they are going to attempt reconciliation.

This 10000%

The limerence excuse always bothered me for that reason. Trouble is that it is hard to go no contact if you’re in limerence or love with someone already.

Deep down, I think betrayed spouses know this. They also know that their wayward spouse is "grieving" the end of their relationship with AP. I couldn't stay with someone who was crying in the shower because they miss their AP so much, but that's me. There's also no guarantee that they will fall back in love with you, even after the thing with the AP fades (if it ever truly does). No, too many variables and unknowns.

Haaaa. Men crying in the shower over the AP they threw under the bus.

Sure, if the whole affair was just a way to get laid. Unfortunately, it’s easy for a man to catch feels, especially when AP is a beautiful young woman.

According to DCUM no AP is a beautiful young woman.

Why would a beautiful young woman be an AP? Unless the guy misrepresented that he's not in a relationship, or misrepresented that he's getting out of a relationship, or made promises he has no intention nor the means to keep. You know - if the guy is a liar.

Even beautiful young women can have histories that make them vulnerable to predatory men.

Lol, I love how the man can only be the predator. Plenty of women like to sleep around, and will sleep with older or younger men if available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Betrayed spouses speak of limerence in an attempt to convince themselves that their spouse's relationship with the AP isn't serious. What they refuse to admit, though, is that nearly all romantic relationships start with a crush/limerence, including the one that they previously had with their spouse. Limerence will grow into lasting, meaningful love with time and attention.

That's the reason the wayward spouse has to go No Contact No Matter What with the AP if they are going to attempt reconciliation.

This 10000%

The limerence excuse always bothered me for that reason. Trouble is that it is hard to go no contact if you’re in limerence or love with someone already.

Deep down, I think betrayed spouses know this. They also know that their wayward spouse is "grieving" the end of their relationship with AP. I couldn't stay with someone who was crying in the shower because they miss their AP so much, but that's me. There's also no guarantee that they will fall back in love with you, even after the thing with the AP fades (if it ever truly does). No, too many variables and unknowns.

Haaaa. Men crying in the shower over the AP they threw under the bus.

Sure, if the whole affair was just a way to get laid. Unfortunately, it’s easy for a man to catch feels, especially when AP is a beautiful young woman.

According to DCUM no AP is a beautiful young woman.

Why would a beautiful young woman be an AP? Unless the guy misrepresented that he's not in a relationship, or misrepresented that he's getting out of a relationship, or made promises he has no intention nor the means to keep. You know - if the guy is a liar.

Even beautiful young women can have histories that make them vulnerable to predatory men.

Lol, I love how the man can only be the predator. Plenty of women like to sleep around, and will sleep with older or younger men if available.

AP was an old married woman and certainly not beautiful. Such stereotypes on this forum. Lol

[Anonymous]

I fell in love with AP the moment I met him. At this point in time my marriage was crumbling and I did not love my husband. So it didn’t feel like cheating to me although of course it was because I was still married.
He was not the first AP for me - but he was the last. We have been married 19 years. I have never cheated on him nor considered it. While the marriage is not perfect we do love each other. And we are both too old to cheat now haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Betrayed spouses speak of limerence in an attempt to convince themselves that their spouse's relationship with the AP isn't serious. What they refuse to admit, though, is that nearly all romantic relationships start with a crush/limerence, including the one that they previously had with their spouse. Limerence will grow into lasting, meaningful love with time and attention.

That's the reason the wayward spouse has to go No Contact No Matter What with the AP if they are going to attempt reconciliation.

This 10000%

The limerence excuse always bothered me for that reason. Trouble is that it is hard to go no contact if you’re in limerence or love with someone already.

Deep down, I think betrayed spouses know this. They also know that their wayward spouse is "grieving" the end of their relationship with AP. I couldn't stay with someone who was crying in the shower because they miss their AP so much, but that's me. There's also no guarantee that they will fall back in love with you, even after the thing with the AP fades (if it ever truly does). No, too many variables and unknowns.

Haaaa. Men crying in the shower over the AP they threw under the bus.

Sure, if the whole affair was just a way to get laid. Unfortunately, it’s easy for a man to catch feels, especially when AP is a beautiful young woman.

According to DCUM no AP is a beautiful young woman.

Why would a beautiful young woman be an AP? Unless the guy misrepresented that he's not in a relationship, or misrepresented that he's getting out of a relationship, or made promises he has no intention nor the means to keep. You know - if the guy is a liar.

Wealthy, powerful or high status men can land beautiful young women. Men fall in love with women like that, whether we like it or not. When they fall in love, they find ways to leave their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I did. So I broke it off (twice!). It was painful but falling in love with him was not what I was looking for.

How did he take it? Twice rejected.

Sounds like typical dramatic affair partner BS between 2 histrionics that need drama. Since he’s a dude I’m sure he just got on an app and banged someone in “the breaks”.

Probably? I think he did like the drama I provided, he complained that everything about his marriage was sort of dead. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know.

I love him but I saw how much he loved his children and I love him enough that I knew that staying in his life would ultimately hurt them. Whether he is off banging other women now, I don’t know, probably, but there was 0 chance that he would work things out with his wife and give his kids the dad they deserve as long as he and I were “friends,” with or without sex.

He kept coming back for more no matter what I said or did. And I was growing more and more attached to him. I knew this would end poorly for innocent people so I let him go and went to therapy.

Why were you not looking to fall in love? You don’t hear much about APs being sympathetic to a marriage or they wouldn’t be involved with the man in the first place. Unless maybe you are married yourself and had no plans to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I did. So I broke it off (twice!). It was painful but falling in love with him was not what I was looking for.

How did he take it? Twice rejected.

Sounds like typical dramatic affair partner BS between 2 histrionics that need drama. Since he’s a dude I’m sure he just got on an app and banged someone in “the breaks”.

Probably? I think he did like the drama I provided, he complained that everything about his marriage was sort of dead. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know.

I love him but I saw how much he loved his children and I love him enough that I knew that staying in his life would ultimately hurt them. Whether he is off banging other women now, I don’t know, probably, but there was 0 chance that he would work things out with his wife and give his kids the dad they deserve as long as he and I were “friends,” with or without sex.

He kept coming back for more no matter what I said or did. And I was growing more and more attached to him. I knew this would end poorly for innocent people so I let him go and went to therapy.

Why were you not looking to fall in love? You don’t hear much about APs being sympathetic to a marriage or they wouldn’t be involved with the man in the first place. Unless maybe you are married yourself and had no plans to leave?

I’m married and he and I both made it very clear early on that we were not interested in disrupting each other’s lives in any way. We both wanted sex/fun. Then I caught feelings. Affairs are immoral and stupid, that’s my lesson for 2023 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I did. So I broke it off (twice!). It was painful but falling in love with him was not what I was looking for.

How did he take it? Twice rejected.

Sounds like typical dramatic affair partner BS between 2 histrionics that need drama. Since he’s a dude I’m sure he just got on an app and banged someone in “the breaks”.

Probably? I think he did like the drama I provided, he complained that everything about his marriage was sort of dead. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know.

I love him but I saw how much he loved his children and I love him enough that I knew that staying in his life would ultimately hurt them. Whether he is off banging other women now, I don’t know, probably, but there was 0 chance that he would work things out with his wife and give his kids the dad they deserve as long as he and I were “friends,” with or without sex.

He kept coming back for more no matter what I said or did. And I was growing more and more attached to him. I knew this would end poorly for innocent people so I let him go and went to therapy.

Why were you not looking to fall in love? You don’t hear much about APs being sympathetic to a marriage or they wouldn’t be involved with the man in the first place. Unless maybe you are married yourself and had no plans to leave?

I’m married and he and I both made it very clear early on that we were not interested in disrupting each other’s lives in any way. We both wanted sex/fun. Then I caught feelings. Affairs are immoral and stupid, that’s my lesson for 2023 kids.

Affairs disrupt all lives by their very nature so I agree with your conclusion. What’s different in your case is that it sounds like you broke it off for his situation instead of your own marriage and kids, assuming you have them. How has your own marriage and life been affected and has AP actually stayed away this time? He might have caught feelings too and could reappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I did. So I broke it off (twice!). It was painful but falling in love with him was not what I was looking for.

How did he take it? Twice rejected.

Sounds like typical dramatic affair partner BS between 2 histrionics that need drama. Since he’s a dude I’m sure he just got on an app and banged someone in “the breaks”.

Probably? I think he did like the drama I provided, he complained that everything about his marriage was sort of dead. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know.

I love him but I saw how much he loved his children and I love him enough that I knew that staying in his life would ultimately hurt them. Whether he is off banging other women now, I don’t know, probably, but there was 0 chance that he would work things out with his wife and give his kids the dad they deserve as long as he and I were “friends,” with or without sex.

He kept coming back for more no matter what I said or did. And I was growing more and more attached to him. I knew this would end poorly for innocent people so I let him go and went to therapy.

Why were you not looking to fall in love? You don’t hear much about APs being sympathetic to a marriage or they wouldn’t be involved with the man in the first place. Unless maybe you are married yourself and had no plans to leave?

I’m married and he and I both made it very clear early on that we were not interested in disrupting each other’s lives in any way. We both wanted sex/fun. Then I caught feelings. Affairs are immoral and stupid, that’s my lesson for 2023 kids.

Affairs disrupt all lives by their very nature so I agree with your conclusion. What’s different in your case is that it sounds like you broke it off for his situation instead of your own marriage and kids, assuming you have them. How has your own marriage and life been affected and has AP actually stayed away this time? He might have caught feelings too and could reappear.

Again you have to remember that affairs are not the product of mental wellness or logical thinking. My affair fog logic was that my marriage is horribly catastrophic anyway and the relationship was making me more upbeat and relaxed (it kind of was anyway) and I was having my “needs” met.

But expanding my circle of dysfunction to include people who I didn’t know genuinely freaked me out- what if he was lying to me about his marriage? He seemed to readily give up information flattering and unflattering but he was obviously capable of lying. You would think all this would have occurred to me before I engaged in the relationship and it did but I ignored it because I liked him so much.

Maybe because we had other very very big issues in the marriage my DH forgave me and we are in couples counseling (which he refused before).

AP did not reappear and I would not engage if he did regardless of my feelings. I was a complete wreck throughout our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I did. So I broke it off (twice!). It was painful but falling in love with him was not what I was looking for.

How did he take it? Twice rejected.

Sounds like typical dramatic affair partner BS between 2 histrionics that need drama. Since he’s a dude I’m sure he just got on an app and banged someone in “the breaks”.

Probably? I think he did like the drama I provided, he complained that everything about his marriage was sort of dead. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know.

I love him but I saw how much he loved his children and I love him enough that I knew that staying in his life would ultimately hurt them. Whether he is off banging other women now, I don’t know, probably, but there was 0 chance that he would work things out with his wife and give his kids the dad they deserve as long as he and I were “friends,” with or without sex.

He kept coming back for more no matter what I said or did. And I was growing more and more attached to him. I knew this would end poorly for innocent people so I let him go and went to therapy.

Why were you not looking to fall in love? You don’t hear much about APs being sympathetic to a marriage or they wouldn’t be involved with the man in the first place. Unless maybe you are married yourself and had no plans to leave?

I’m married and he and I both made it very clear early on that we were not interested in disrupting each other’s lives in any way. We both wanted sex/fun. Then I caught feelings. Affairs are immoral and stupid, that’s my lesson for 2023 kids.

Did your husband find out? Did the ap end it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I did. So I broke it off (twice!). It was painful but falling in love with him was not what I was looking for.

How did he take it? Twice rejected.

Sounds like typical dramatic affair partner BS between 2 histrionics that need drama. Since he’s a dude I’m sure he just got on an app and banged someone in “the breaks”.

Probably? I think he did like the drama I provided, he complained that everything about his marriage was sort of dead. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know.

I love him but I saw how much he loved his children and I love him enough that I knew that staying in his life would ultimately hurt them. Whether he is off banging other women now, I don’t know, probably, but there was 0 chance that he would work things out with his wife and give his kids the dad they deserve as long as he and I were “friends,” with or without sex.

He kept coming back for more no matter what I said or did. And I was growing more and more attached to him. I knew this would end poorly for innocent people so I let him go and went to therapy.

Why were you not looking to fall in love? You don’t hear much about APs being sympathetic to a marriage or they wouldn’t be involved with the man in the first place. Unless maybe you are married yourself and had no plans to leave?

I’m married and he and I both made it very clear early on that we were not interested in disrupting each other’s lives in any way. We both wanted sex/fun. Then I caught feelings. Affairs are immoral and stupid, that’s my lesson for 2023 kids.

Affairs disrupt all lives by their very nature so I agree with your conclusion. What’s different in your case is that it sounds like you broke it off for his situation instead of your own marriage and kids, assuming you have them. How has your own marriage and life been affected and has AP actually stayed away this time? He might have caught feelings too and could reappear.

Again you have to remember that affairs are not the product of mental wellness or logical thinking. My affair fog logic was that my marriage is horribly catastrophic anyway and the relationship was making me more upbeat and relaxed (it kind of was anyway) and I was having my “needs” met.

But expanding my circle of dysfunction to include people who I didn’t know genuinely freaked me out- what if he was lying to me about his marriage? He seemed to readily give up information flattering and unflattering but he was obviously capable of lying. You would think all this would have occurred to me before I engaged in the relationship and it did but I ignored it because I liked him so much.

Maybe because we had other very very big issues in the marriage my DH forgave me and we are in couples counseling (which he refused before).

AP did not reappear and I would not engage if he did regardless of my feelings. I was a complete wreck throughout our relationship.

How did you meet the AP? Was he the first you cheated with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I did. So I broke it off (twice!). It was painful but falling in love with him was not what I was looking for.

How did he take it? Twice rejected.

Sounds like typical dramatic affair partner BS between 2 histrionics that need drama. Since he’s a dude I’m sure he just got on an app and banged someone in “the breaks”.

Probably? I think he did like the drama I provided, he complained that everything about his marriage was sort of dead. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know.

I love him but I saw how much he loved his children and I love him enough that I knew that staying in his life would ultimately hurt them. Whether he is off banging other women now, I don’t know, probably, but there was 0 chance that he would work things out with his wife and give his kids the dad they deserve as long as he and I were “friends,” with or without sex.

He kept coming back for more no matter what I said or did. And I was growing more and more attached to him. I knew this would end poorly for innocent people so I let him go and went to therapy.

Why were you not looking to fall in love? You don’t hear much about APs being sympathetic to a marriage or they wouldn’t be involved with the man in the first place. Unless maybe you are married yourself and had no plans to leave?

I’m married and he and I both made it very clear early on that we were not interested in disrupting each other’s lives in any way. We both wanted sex/fun. Then I caught feelings. Affairs are immoral and stupid, that’s my lesson for 2023 kids.

Affairs disrupt all lives by their very nature so I agree with your conclusion. What’s different in your case is that it sounds like you broke it off for his situation instead of your own marriage and kids, assuming you have them. How has your own marriage and life been affected and has AP actually stayed away this time? He might have caught feelings too and could reappear.

Again you have to remember that affairs are not the product of mental wellness or logical thinking. My affair fog logic was that my marriage is horribly catastrophic anyway and the relationship was making me more upbeat and relaxed (it kind of was anyway) and I was having my “needs” met.

But expanding my circle of dysfunction to include people who I didn’t know genuinely freaked me out- what if he was lying to me about his marriage? He seemed to readily give up information flattering and unflattering but he was obviously capable of lying. You would think all this would have occurred to me before I engaged in the relationship and it did but I ignored it because I liked him so much.

Maybe because we had other very very big issues in the marriage my DH forgave me and we are in couples counseling (which he refused before).

AP did not reappear and I would not engage if he did regardless of my feelings. I was a complete wreck throughout our relationship.

Besides your cheating, what kind of big issues?