My friend moved without telling me

[Anonymous]

OP did you ask her yet? What happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look back at your texts and meet-ups. It’s likely you were always initiating and you weren’t great friends.

OP here. DH and I combed through texts and memories. We both initiated. I'd hosted a Galentines Day party for DD and her friends (including the friend's DD), and then she and her DH hosted DH and me for dinner and during that dinner we made plans to try a new place for brunch in early March, which we did.

Combed through? You sound like a stalker. She clearly doesn’t want to give you explanations, or keep the door open to continue the friendship. Move on!

Just STFU

-not OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. Our girls are in 5th grade, so I'm confident DD got things straight. DH was surprised too. I hung out with my friend (one on one) a week and a half ago. She mentioned nothing. We talked about trying to firm up summer plans and vacations and such. We talked about the books we're reading, Love is Blind, all normal things.

In general, DH and I like to assume the best of people, so that's how I approached it. "Hey, DD told me today you guys moved to Wisconsin? Did she get that right? If so, please send me your new address so we can send you a housewarming gift! Also, so sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye in person. Hope the move wasn't too crazy!" She texted back over an hour later "Yeah lol" So ... I guess drop it?

You sounds passive aggressive, pushy and invasive. And her response to you makes it clear as day you’re not a real friend. Drop it.

Typical dcum insane attack of op. Go away you weirdo.

Op I agree with others. It must have been embarrassing like a job loss or divorce or something strange like witness protection. People don't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look back at your texts and meet-ups. It’s likely you were always initiating and you weren’t great friends.

OP here. DH and I combed through texts and memories. We both initiated. I'd hosted a Galentines Day party for DD and her friends (including the friend's DD), and then she and her DH hosted DH and me for dinner and during that dinner we made plans to try a new place for brunch in early March, which we did.

Combed through? You sound like a stalker. She clearly doesn’t want to give you explanations, or keep the door open to continue the friendship. Move on!

NP. It’s stalking to scroll back through your texts with someone? You sound insane

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look back at your texts and meet-ups. It’s likely you were always initiating and you weren’t great friends.

OP here. DH and I combed through texts and memories. We both initiated. I'd hosted a Galentines Day party for DD and her friends (including the friend's DD), and then she and her DH hosted DH and me for dinner and during that dinner we made plans to try a new place for brunch in early March, which we did.

Combed through? You sound like a stalker. She clearly doesn’t want to give you explanations, or keep the door open to continue the friendship. Move on!

You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is AMAZING. Between this and the vacation/nanny thread I'm really evaluating all my friendships.

It must have been for reasons with very negative or embarrasing connotations. Even the most casual of mom-friend acquaintances would have to go far out of their way to not mention a move like this. It's perfect for small-talk chatter. And you guys were clearly much closer than that.

I wouldn't let it drop, but maybe give it a week or so before checking back in,

Whats the vacation/nanny thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look back at your texts and meet-ups. It’s likely you were always initiating and you weren’t great friends.

OP here. DH and I combed through texts and memories. We both initiated. I'd hosted a Galentines Day party for DD and her friends (including the friend's DD), and then she and her DH hosted DH and me for dinner and during that dinner we made plans to try a new place for brunch in early March, which we did.

OP i don't know why people are jumping on you, everything you've done seem totally normal and I truly can't imagine if a friend like this just up and moved states and then said "yeah lol" when it is mentioned. Like others have said, any mutual friends? I would respond with a lot of confusion probably and check if everything is ok.. like did a parent get cancer and have only a certain time to live or something?! if so why wouldn't you mention

[Anonymous]

I Would call her. Mayne something ia wrong and she doesn't feel comfortable saying it on a text. Please reach out and get some answers - be pushy if you have to. You never know if you are saving someone's life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is AMAZING. Between this and the vacation/nanny thread I'm really evaluating all my friendships.

It must have been for reasons with very negative or embarrasing connotations. Even the most casual of mom-friend acquaintances would have to go far out of their way to not mention a move like this. It's perfect for small-talk chatter. And you guys were clearly much closer than that.

I wouldn't let it drop, but maybe give it a week or so before checking back in,

Whats the vacation/nanny thread?

+1 please share !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When people show you who they are, believe them. She doesn’t value the friendship. She had no interest in telling you she was leaving and when contacted she still didn’t say why. So move on. Is it rude, yes. Does she suck? Probably. And I’m sorry. I’m actually mad for you.

I know one person who has done something this drastic and her story was she found out her husband had been cheating on her (several affairs) so she literally packed up her car, pick up the kids from school and drove to their second home all the way in CALIFORNIA. She didn’t even confront him, just left the house and everything. But she did tell her friends about a week later. She said what had happened, she had left, was never coming back. It was nuts. They’re divorced, she remarried.

So even if she has a death or sick relative or job relo she can give an explanation. But she doesn’t want to. So I would stop making excuses for her and just walk away. I’m sorry.

+1. OP, I don’t know why anyone on this thread is being unkind to you. You sound like a very nice normal person and this is very very unusual behavior. All of these people suggesting reasons why the friend might have moved quickly or in secret are ignoring the point. Instead of “yeah lol” the friend could say literally a million other things. Like “this must have been a surprise, can’t explain details right now” or “thanks for reaching out, hope you have a nice end to the school year” or “I appreciate your text” or “things have been totally crazy”. Any of these would be more human.

[Anonymous]

I think alot of the previous posters are giving OP's friend too much credit. I'm all for assuming positive intent, so lets say that OP's friend had something crazy happen (job loss, suddenly ill parent, running away from an abusive husband), and friend didn't want to fill OP in on the details via text. Wouldn't friends response be something like "yeah, sorry I didn't fill you in; things have been hectic, i'm happy to catch up with you when things settle down."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look back at your texts and meet-ups. It’s likely you were always initiating and you weren’t great friends.

OP here. DH and I combed through texts and memories. We both initiated. I'd hosted a Galentines Day party for DD and her friends (including the friend's DD), and then she and her DH hosted DH and me for dinner and during that dinner we made plans to try a new place for brunch in early March, which we did.

Combed through? You sound like a stalker. She clearly doesn’t want to give you explanations, or keep the door open to continue the friendship. Move on!

NP. It’s stalking to scroll back through your texts with someone? You sound insane

There’s glancing through yourself, and then there’s “combing through” with your husband! What, OP can’t read? She’s too emotionally fragile to scroll through some texts without DH? So bizarre. I can’t imagine asking DH to help me…look through my own phone. Psycho stalker with nothing better to do. Yikes, get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is AMAZING. Between this and the vacation/nanny thread I'm really evaluating all my friendships.

It must have been for reasons with very negative or embarrasing connotations. Even the most casual of mom-friend acquaintances would have to go far out of their way to not mention a move like this. It's perfect for small-talk chatter. And you guys were clearly much closer than that.

I wouldn't let it drop, but maybe give it a week or so before checking back in,

Whats the vacation/nanny thread?

+1 please share !

It's this one: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1125332.page

[Anonymous]

OP: How did your daughter find out about the move? Did her friend actually tell her or did school announce it or what? Do you have other mutual friends that you can connect with to see what they knew, etc?

In my mind, the overwhelming likelihood is that the move was last minute/unexpected for whatever reason and this person is really weird person & crappy friend (the degree to which depends on what actually precipitated the move). However, there is a tiny chance there is something weird/bad going on depending on the answers to the questions I'd asked above and, however remote, I'd want to confirm that my friend was actually OK.

[Anonymous]

This is very Ozark-y. Like, one day the Byrdes were living a quiet life in their Chicago suburb, and the next day they were...elsewhere.

And OP I'm sorry for the weirdness and confusion this has caused you and your family. We'd all feel this was strange if we experienced a similar situation.