My friend moved without telling me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this once. We loved on a perfectly nice street with nice neighbors but we were the family with kids in private school. It was a whole thing - snide comments etc. we did a private sale and just moved one day without saying anything on our little group chat. I honestly was concerned with people making comments about us moving to a bigger house and I simply did not feel like dealing with that. Not the nicest act on our part, for sure

Sounds like they were right about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this once. We loved on a perfectly nice street with nice neighbors but we were the family with kids in private school. It was a whole thing - snide comments etc. we did a private sale and just moved one day without saying anything on our little group chat. I honestly was concerned with people making comments about us moving to a bigger house and I simply did not feel like dealing with that. Not the nicest act on our part, for sure

Sounds like they were right about you.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I did this. We moved very suddenly and were overwhelmed with managing the move and supporting our kids with it. We left DC one week from the time we decided to move. I didn't have time to tell anyone. Some neighbors heard via one of our kids so they came to say good bye. It wasn't a reflection on any of our friends.

You should text her and see how she's doing. This isn't about you so just be a good friend and see how she's doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I did this. We moved very suddenly and were overwhelmed with managing the move and supporting our kids with it. We left DC one week from the time we decided to move. I didn't have time to tell anyone. Some neighbors heard via one of our kids so they came to say good bye. It wasn't a reflection on any of our friends.

You should text her and see how she's doing. This isn't about you so just be a good friend and see how she's doing.

This is SUCH bs. Takes just a few minutes to text “due to a ton of last minute changes we are moving next week. Thanks for being such great neighbors and friends!”

Done. Seriously. It’s not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.

I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.

I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.



Being direct and telling the truth is the opposite of PA

The whole "If you ever want to talk I'm here" is BS and Passive Aggressive. Its like U OWE ME SOMETHING

NP. No, it’s not. It’s what you say when you know damn well someone doesn’t want to talk, but you want to make sure you’ve made the offer anyway.

It might not be the right thing to say in every situation, but it is not passive aggressive.

I would find it passive aggressive, invasive and rude.

You are the one who is wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I did this. We moved very suddenly and were overwhelmed with managing the move and supporting our kids with it. We left DC one week from the time we decided to move. I didn't have time to tell anyone. Some neighbors heard via one of our kids so they came to say good bye. It wasn't a reflection on any of our friends.

You should text her and see how she's doing. This isn't about you so just be a good friend and see how she's doing.

You know that was kind of a d!ck move, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is AMAZING. Between this and the vacation/nanny thread I'm really evaluating all my friendships.

It must have been for reasons with very negative or embarrasing connotations. Even the most casual of mom-friend acquaintances would have to go far out of their way to not mention a move like this. It's perfect for small-talk chatter. And you guys were clearly much closer than that.

I wouldn't let it drop, but maybe give it a week or so before checking back in,

What thread is vacation/ nanny? Looking in travel but can’t find it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I did this. We moved very suddenly and were overwhelmed with managing the move and supporting our kids with it. We left DC one week from the time we decided to move. I didn't have time to tell anyone. Some neighbors heard via one of our kids so they came to say good bye. It wasn't a reflection on any of our friends.

You should text her and see how she's doing. This isn't about you so just be a good friend and see how she's doing.

This is SUCH bs. Takes just a few minutes to text “due to a ton of last minute changes we are moving next week. Thanks for being such great neighbors and friends!”

Done. Seriously. It’s not hard.

This would likely lead to a bunch of active texts to monitor and respond to . . . either way it's not about OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I did this. We moved very suddenly and were overwhelmed with managing the move and supporting our kids with it. We left DC one week from the time we decided to move. I didn't have time to tell anyone. Some neighbors heard via one of our kids so they came to say good bye. It wasn't a reflection on any of our friends.

You should text her and see how she's doing. This isn't about you so just be a good friend and see how she's doing.

This is SUCH bs. Takes just a few minutes to text “due to a ton of last minute changes we are moving next week. Thanks for being such great neighbors and friends!”

Done. Seriously. It’s not hard.

This would likely lead to a bunch of active texts to monitor and respond to . . . either way it's not about OP.

DP - someone could add a sentence to the text script above along the lines of: “I’ll be too busy to respond to texts for a while, but wanted to let you know directly. Will be in touch when the dust settles” - assuming the person wants to stay in touch.

Again: not that hard. But yes, either way, it’s about the person leaving, and their capacities, not about the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is AMAZING. Between this and the vacation/nanny thread I'm really evaluating all my friendships.

It must have been for reasons with very negative or embarrasing connotations. Even the most casual of mom-friend acquaintances would have to go far out of their way to not mention a move like this. It's perfect for small-talk chatter. And you guys were clearly much closer than that.

I wouldn't let it drop, but maybe give it a week or so before checking back in,

What thread is vacation/ nanny? Looking in travel but can’t find it

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1125332.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This is very Ozark-y. Like, one day the Byrdes were living a quiet life in their Chicago suburb, and the next day they were...elsewhere.

And OP I'm sorry for the weirdness and confusion this has caused you and your family. We'd all feel this was strange if we experienced a similar situation.

Except the friend replied to OPs text, so I think it can't be too Ozark-y of a situation. Wit-sec is out.

I'm guessing major financial issues. Friend was too embarassed or private to explain, so she just didn't.

Assuming it's really her friend with her phone. I know the odds it isn't are like .00001%, but it's so weird that I'd want to confirm.

I thought the same thing.

NP thinking the same. I wonder if she's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend (kid's friend's Mom actually, not the same) who moved and was very clearly like "We've enjoyed having friends here in DC but we're moving on so don't call us and we won't call you." It was a bit presumptuous but whatever makes you feel good about yourself I guess.

Wow that's bold. I live near a military base and became friendly with a handful of military moms when my son was a toddler through Kindergarten. (Seemed like a lot of the sahms at the park and activities and play places were military wives). I can think of 4 of them who moved away and then unfriended me on social media immediately. I found that odd.

Military moms are just a whole different breed. Their friendships are 100% the perfect definition of the situational friendships other people have mentioned.

Because acquaintances ditch us as soon as we move.

[Anonymous]

We dealt with something like this recently, except it was the opposite situation: we were scheduled to move for an amazing job opportunity overseas, told everyone & started preparing, and then the job opportunity was canceled about 4 weeks before our scheduled move. It was so demoralizing. At first, we didn’t even really tell anyone except family. And then word started trickling out and then I had to repeat the same story 100x over the next 4 months.

It really sucked, but it actually worked out for the best for our family. Sigh.

Give her space. She’s probably going thru something traumatic.

[Anonymous]

A thread like this just reminds how so people lack all self-awareness and situational awareness. Like when when I was single and men would text and initiate texts over and over and wouldn’t take a hint. Women ca be the same way.

We have OP and dozens of other women encouraging her to hound someone who has made it CRYSTAL CLEAR they don’t want you in their life.

Read the freaking room and back off. You don’t double down and demand answers and her new address like a stalker. How would you react if a man you ghosted began asking for your new address? You’d block him for being a creep stalker.

Back. Off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We dealt with something like this recently, except it was the opposite situation: we were scheduled to move for an amazing job opportunity overseas, told everyone & started preparing, and then the job opportunity was canceled about 4 weeks before our scheduled move. It was so demoralizing. At first, we didn’t even really tell anyone except family. And then word started trickling out and then I had to repeat the same story 100x over the next 4 months.

It really sucked, but it actually worked out for the best for our family. Sigh.

Give her space. She’s probably going thru something traumatic.

Oh not. Maybe just maybe she just does not consider OP a friend. And is actually a bit weirded out by OP. But OP and people like OP create these crazy scenarios in their head to protect their ego and rationalize the continued prodding of someone who doesn’t want to speak with them. Like a creepy guy who tells himself she’s just playing hard to get as he continues texting and calling over and over.