My friend moved without telling me

[Anonymous]

We have been friends for five years. We text a few times a week, get together a couple of times a month with and without husbands, our kids play together. We've never had a falling out or an awkward moment. I asked DD how school was and she said it was lonely without Larla. I asked if Larla was sick. "No, they moved to Wisconsin." !!! My friend NEVER mentioned selling their house, the Midwest, cheese, packing, ANYTHING!

Obviously we weren't as close as I thought we were and I'm reevaluating all my friendships. I am resisting the urge to call DH at work to gossip with him about this. Why wouldn't she have told me? This takes an Irish goodbye to a whole new level!

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so, so sorry. That’s so incredibly weird that I’d wonder whether something huge and horrible happened and they had to move. But I’d be incredibly hurt.

I have a friend very like the one you describe - families hung out a ton, vacationed together, multiple years - and I’m still pissed I had to find out they’re moving from my kid. It could be that you aren’t as close as you thought; it could also be this person doesn’t have the emotional maturity you thought they did. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Omg calling to gossip is what DH’s are for!!
And I’m sorry. That sucks.

[Anonymous]

Super weird on her part, though maybe it was an emergency move (sick parent, job or financial crisis, illness or mental health issue) and she didn't feel close enough to you to give the reason. Or was so distracted by the emergency and having to move quickly that she didn't get around to telling each person. Life can come at you fast like that.

I'd go ahead and call your DH to gossip about it -- it's weird! Talking it out with him will help you feel better. Did you have any mutual friends? Did any of them know? Also, when you saw her, was it just you two or just your families, or were you part of a bigger group? If a bigger group, she may have thought of you as part of the larger circle but not directly a friend. People conceptualize "friend" in different ways, and for instance, I don't really think of someone as one of my friends unless we hang out 1:1 at some point. If it's always mediated through a larger group, I just think of us as acquaintances with a lot of mutual friends.

[Anonymous]

It could have been difficult move for her, which would have made it difficult for her to talk about with anyone. Just keep in mind, it was probably not about you, but about how she (or her dh or kids) felt about the move itself.

[Anonymous]

Super strange are you going to ask her about it?

[Anonymous]

Did you text your friend to say that you heard she moved and that you wish her luck or that dd missed Larla? I would have to know how she responds. When was the last time you were in touch?

[Anonymous]

Definitely weird! Anyone I text with multiple times per week I would expect is close enough to be told big things! Could something be wrong? Abuse, a sick family member?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like something I might do OP. I am terrible at goodbyes. I would just text her + ask how she is doing.

It could be:
- parent/ family health issue
- job loss
-divorce
- whatever

You never know.

[Anonymous]

Has she been texting you during this time and not mentioned it? Just message her and see what happens. That’s super weird. I would think divorce or family illness etc.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure your dd is right?

[Anonymous]

OP Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction, and her reasons may be difficult for you to understand or empathize with. Also keep in mind that your friend's DD didn't say anything about the move to your DD either. Assuming they're older than let's say 1st grade I would assume this would come up during recess or lunchtime conversation. "I'm really sad we have to move...". Sounds like that didn't happen. So you have to have grace and giver your friend a chance to explain. Reach out to her. Then please tell us what she says!

[Anonymous]

Are you sure your DD isn’t a right that they moved? They aren’t just there for an extended spring break?

[Anonymous]

I've has this happen.

For some people, when the reason for the friendship ends, in this case, proximity, they just disengage.

It's hurtful, but, I'd move on, no reaching out, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like something I might do OP. I am terrible at goodbyes. I would just text her + ask how she is doing.

It could be:
- parent/ family health issue
- job loss
-divorce
- whatever

You never know.

Plus one