In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

[Anonymous]

OP, be a good Christian, FFS. I mean this is the birthday of Jesus Christ you are celebrating, not a random poker night. It is for everyone.

Jesus Christ!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, be a good Christian, FFS. I mean this is the birthday of Jesus Christ you are celebrating, not a random poker night. It is for everyone.

Jesus Christ!!!

I think you did not read the OP's posts very well. OP is being a good Christian and has included the neighbor and his children. It is OP's in-laws who are the problem. They are the ones saying rude and unacceptable things about the neighbor guests and they are not even the hosts.

[Anonymous]

I read that in Poland, families set up a spare place at the table in case a stranger turns up for Christmas dinner. A British guy living in Poland tested the system by turning up to a random house for Christmas dinner and they let him in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable for a couple who are traveling from several hours away to have Christmas dinner with their family to wish that it were just their family. Personally, I would have asked them first if we were ok if perfect strangers be invited to attend as well.

If they are there for a few days, how many other meals are the family sharing together already?
Maybe conversation would be lagging by Christmas dinner, making it fun to inject new company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe remind them that Jesus is the reason for the season? I don’t often say it but this does seem like a WWJD moment. Room at the inn and all.

You do know not everyone is Christian, right?

It's a Christmas dinner, so....

Millions of people celebrate Christmas secularly, soo…

So it gives the in-laws the right to be nasty about inviting the neighbor? You're not making the point you think you're making.

Treat others how you'd want to be treated, regardless of your religious beliefs that get you there.

Right back at you. This point (bolded) is valid. The assumption that everyone believes in "WWJD" was not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite the family over any other night in December for hot chocolate, cookie decorating, ornament making, Christmas music, or whatever for a festive neighborly gathering that can be fun for the kids.

Uh, no. OP should not, and will not, rescind an already-extended invitation to Christmas dinner to indulge her MIL’s nasty toddler temper tantrum.

Oh just stop. It wasn't an invitation engraved in stone. Maybe neighbor felt put on the spot at the initial asking. His kids will probably be bored out of their minds anyway.

It was an invitation. It does not need to be "in stone." You just stop. If you don't have the manners to understand that you don't take back a holiday invitation, someone in your upbringing failed you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite the family over any other night in December for hot chocolate, cookie decorating, ornament making, Christmas music, or whatever for a festive neighborly gathering that can be fun for the kids.

Uh, no. OP should not, and will not, rescind an already-extended invitation to Christmas dinner to indulge her MIL’s nasty toddler temper tantrum.

Oh just stop. It wasn't an invitation engraved in stone. Maybe neighbor felt put on the spot at the initial asking. His kids will probably be bored out of their minds anyway.

It was an invitation. It does not need to be "in stone." You just stop. If you don't have the manners to understand that you don't take back a holiday invitation, someone in your upbringing failed you.

When it comes down to it I doubt this will be the hill OP wants to die on with her inlaws. The kids would most likely rather stay home than eat with some random elderly people they have never met. Some of you clearly don’t even have kids. This doesn’t even seem about a good deed anymore, who benefits the most?

[Anonymous]

Although I am fine with everyone celebrating Christmas however they want, our family has a lot of family traditions that we look forward to every year and I would be disappointed if I found out MIL had invited the neighbour family. Obviously her choice but it would change everything about the day for us and the kids. We hang out in PJs which I would not do with strangers and we have lots of just family chat and jokes that would not be appropriate with strangers at the meal. It is a very different social event when people you have never met are present vs family you are comfortable with. We also open gifts throughout the day and since we wouldn’t have gifts for the neighbour family, we wouldn’t do our gift giving as it would be very rude to do in front of others, especially kids. We also play games in the afternoon and those can get very competitive but since we all know each other it is a friendly competitive but I wouldn’t be comfortable playing games with a neighbour family present as our banter could make them very uncomfortable and they would be at a disadvantage. Basically all our traditions would need to be put on hold as they are based on a shared foundation and comfort level with each other and having a family present that we don’t know and they don’t know us would mean those traditions would not happen. I also expect my kids to act differently and I supervise them differently when in the company of new people and adults they have never met vs with grandparents and well known family.

OP has a right to do Christmas as she wishes but I can see why MIL is disappointed if she thought she was coming to spend Christmas with family vs with neighbours she has never met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, be a good Christian, FFS. I mean this is the birthday of Jesus Christ you are celebrating, not a random poker night. It is for everyone.

Jesus Christ!!!

Work on your reading comprehension. You be a good Christian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although I am fine with everyone celebrating Christmas however they want, our family has a lot of family traditions that we look forward to every year and I would be disappointed if I found out MIL had invited the neighbour family. Obviously her choice but it would change everything about the day for us and the kids. We hang out in PJs which I would not do with strangers and we have lots of just family chat and jokes that would not be appropriate with strangers at the meal. It is a very different social event when people you have never met are present vs family you are comfortable with. We also open gifts throughout the day and since we wouldn’t have gifts for the neighbour family, we wouldn’t do our gift giving as it would be very rude to do in front of others, especially kids. We also play games in the afternoon and those can get very competitive but since we all know each other it is a friendly competitive but I wouldn’t be comfortable playing games with a neighbour family present as our banter could make them very uncomfortable and they would be at a disadvantage. Basically all our traditions would need to be put on hold as they are based on a shared foundation and comfort level with each other and having a family present that we don’t know and they don’t know us would mean those traditions would not happen. I also expect my kids to act differently and I supervise them differently when in the company of new people and adults they have never met vs with grandparents and well known family.

OP has a right to do Christmas as she wishes but I can see why MIL is disappointed if she thought she was coming to spend Christmas with family vs with neighbours she has never met.

My family finds joy in new friends and faces joining us on Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although I am fine with everyone celebrating Christmas however they want, our family has a lot of family traditions that we look forward to every year and I would be disappointed if I found out MIL had invited the neighbour family. Obviously her choice but it would change everything about the day for us and the kids. We hang out in PJs which I would not do with strangers and we have lots of just family chat and jokes that would not be appropriate with strangers at the meal. It is a very different social event when people you have never met are present vs family you are comfortable with. We also open gifts throughout the day and since we wouldn’t have gifts for the neighbour family, we wouldn’t do our gift giving as it would be very rude to do in front of others, especially kids. We also play games in the afternoon and those can get very competitive but since we all know each other it is a friendly competitive but I wouldn’t be comfortable playing games with a neighbour family present as our banter could make them very uncomfortable and they would be at a disadvantage. Basically all our traditions would need to be put on hold as they are based on a shared foundation and comfort level with each other and having a family present that we don’t know and they don’t know us would mean those traditions would not happen. I also expect my kids to act differently and I supervise them differently when in the company of new people and adults they have never met vs with grandparents and well known family.

OP has a right to do Christmas as she wishes but I can see why MIL is disappointed if she thought she was coming to spend Christmas with family vs with neighbours she has never met.

How are you going to react when your kids grow up and want to spend Christmas with the in laws in California? Things change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read that in Poland, families set up a spare place at the table in case a stranger turns up for Christmas dinner. A British guy living in Poland tested the system by turning up to a random house for Christmas dinner and they let him in.

That's a lovely tradition, and also a good way to get murdered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although I am fine with everyone celebrating Christmas however they want, our family has a lot of family traditions that we look forward to every year and I would be disappointed if I found out MIL had invited the neighbour family. Obviously her choice but it would change everything about the day for us and the kids. We hang out in PJs which I would not do with strangers and we have lots of just family chat and jokes that would not be appropriate with strangers at the meal. It is a very different social event when people you have never met are present vs family you are comfortable with. We also open gifts throughout the day and since we wouldn’t have gifts for the neighbour family, we wouldn’t do our gift giving as it would be very rude to do in front of others, especially kids. We also play games in the afternoon and those can get very competitive but since we all know each other it is a friendly competitive but I wouldn’t be comfortable playing games with a neighbour family present as our banter could make them very uncomfortable and they would be at a disadvantage. Basically all our traditions would need to be put on hold as they are based on a shared foundation and comfort level with each other and having a family present that we don’t know and they don’t know us would mean those traditions would not happen. I also expect my kids to act differently and I supervise them differently when in the company of new people and adults they have never met vs with grandparents and well known family.

OP has a right to do Christmas as she wishes but I can see why MIL is disappointed if she thought she was coming to spend Christmas with family vs with neighbours she has never met.

I agree with this… but if they are only there for a couple of hours for Christmas dinner itself, I’d be fine with it. All day is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read that in Poland, families set up a spare place at the table in case a stranger turns up for Christmas dinner. A British guy living in Poland tested the system by turning up to a random house for Christmas dinner and they let him in.

That's a lovely tradition, and also a good way to get murdered.

Most people are good, and most people don't murder people.

https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/44784545-a-chip-shop-in-pozna

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe remind them that Jesus is the reason for the season? I don’t often say it but this does seem like a WWJD moment. Room at the inn and all.

You do know not everyone is Christian, right?

It's a Christmas dinner, so....

Millions of people celebrate Christmas secularly, soo…

So it gives the in-laws the right to be nasty about inviting the neighbor? You're not making the point you think you're making.

Treat others how you'd want to be treated, regardless of your religious beliefs that get you there.

Right back at you. This point (bolded) is valid. The assumption that everyone believes in "WWJD" was not.

I agree with the PP that said that maintaining a WWJD attitude during the Christmas season is the avenue to take, as is the assumption that someone would think this way while celebrating…Christmas.