In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

[Anonymous]

This will be our first Christmas in our new house. We invited my parents and my in laws to come for dinner. They live several hours away, so they will be staying with us for a few days. I invited a neighbor to come to Christmas dinner and bring his children. This man is a single father and doesn't really have a lot of money. We often take him groceries or just ask "hey do you need anything from costco?" when we are on the way there and we refuse to accept any reimbursement.

I told my in laws today that it will be 13 people for Christmas dinner. They wanted to know where the extra people were coming from. I told them that I invited our neighbor and they pitched a fit. They totally flipped out about inviting him and said that this isn't a soup kitchen. Honestly, I'd rather have me neighbor and his well behaved kids over than them at this point. How can I best resolve this without drama?

[Anonymous]

What’s there to resolve? They can either come or not.

[Anonymous]

Let them pitch their fit, and then repeat, there will 13 people for Xmas dinner. End conversation.

[Anonymous]

What is there to resolve? You aren't responsible for their feelings.

[Anonymous]

I would uninvite them for this.

[Anonymous]

Wow so rude of them. Nothing to resolve nor she doesn’t want to come then she shouldn’t come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would uninvite them for this.

+1 That is unacceptable behavior.

[Anonymous]

Sheesh. They are rude and presumptuous. They don’t get to decide who is invited to your home!

[Anonymous]

Wtf? Are they going to make nasty comments to this man and his children all night too? Would also consider uninviting.

[Anonymous]

Maybe remind them that Jesus is the reason for the season? I don’t often say it but this does seem like a WWJD moment. Room at the inn and all.

[Anonymous]

No one, related or not, has any right to tell you who you can (or cannot!) invite into your home.

And do not let them feel they do.

I would simply say that you have invited other people for Christmas dinner & if your in-laws have an issue w/it - then they can always make other holiday plans.

If they choose to stay home > be very adamant that they are to treat your other guests w/the utmost respect the entire time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would uninvite them for this.

Yep. “Hi Barb, it sounds like you’re hoping for a quiet Christmas this year and won’t enjoy having dinner with us and the Jorgensens. We’ll plan to have you and Marv for a visit in February if you’d like.”

[Anonymous]

So you told your MIL and she flipped. Then what did you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wtf? Are they going to make nasty comments to this man and his children all night too? Would also consider uninviting.

OP here,

honestly, this is part of my concern. My DH has already spoken to them and made it clear that it was a joint decision for us to invite the neighbors and that they are to be polite. They argued with him about how if they wanted to eat dinner "with a bunch of strangers", they would have gone to a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd be worried about what they might say to the neighbor.

Have your spouse contact the ILs to express their disappointment in their behavior and give them clear boundaries. They are welcome to come only if they plan to treat all of your guests with respect. If that is too difficult for them, they should not come.