In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wtf? Are they going to make nasty comments to this man and his children all night too? Would also consider uninviting.

OP here,

honestly, this is part of my concern. My DH has already spoken to them and made it clear that it was a joint decision for us to invite the neighbors and that they are to be polite. They argued with him about how if they wanted to eat dinner "with a bunch of strangers", they would have gone to a restaurant.

Then they can.

Set this boundary now or deal with it forever. I wouldn't be able to stomach having them, TBH.

I don't think this is worth blowing up the family over. If I was the neighbor I'd be mortified if I found out that inviting me caused a massive rift in the family. Who would want that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wtf? Are they going to make nasty comments to this man and his children all night too? Would also consider uninviting.

OP here,

honestly, this is part of my concern. My DH has already spoken to them and made it clear that it was a joint decision for us to invite the neighbors and that they are to be polite. They argued with him about how if they wanted to eat dinner "with a bunch of strangers", they would have gone to a restaurant.

Then they can.

Set this boundary now or deal with it forever. I wouldn't be able to stomach having them, TBH.

I don't think this is worth blowing up the family over. If I was the neighbor I'd be mortified if I found out that inviting me caused a massive rift in the family. Who would want that?

NP. I’m not making excuses for the ILs behavior, but I’d be curious to know how old they are. If they’re in their 70s, they’re likely losing their filter. Yes, yes, I know that everyone on DCUM will insist that 70s is too young to lose your filter, but it’s not true.

[Anonymous]

It was very kind of you to invite them and very rude of ILs to say what they said but honestly Christmas is for family and this guy isn’t lonely, he has his kids and they could have celebrated on their own. Wasn’t worth the fallout with in laws imo

[Anonymous]

Invite the family over any other night in December for hot chocolate, cookie decorating, ornament making, Christmas music, or whatever for a festive neighborly gathering that can be fun for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite the family over any other night in December for hot chocolate, cookie decorating, ornament making, Christmas music, or whatever for a festive neighborly gathering that can be fun for the kids.

Uh, no. OP should not, and will not, rescind an already-extended invitation to Christmas dinner to indulge her MIL’s nasty toddler temper tantrum.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable for a couple who are traveling from several hours away to have Christmas dinner with their family to wish that it were just their family. Personally, I would have asked them first if we were ok if perfect strangers be invited to attend as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe remind them that Jesus is the reason for the season? I don’t often say it but this does seem like a WWJD moment. Room at the inn and all.

You do know not everyone is Christian, right?

It's a Christmas dinner, so....

Millions of people celebrate Christmas secularly, soo…

So it gives the in-laws the right to be nasty about inviting the neighbor? You're not making the point you think you're making.

Treat others how you'd want to be treated, regardless of your religious beliefs that get you there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was very kind of you to invite them and very rude of ILs to say what they said but honestly Christmas is for family and this guy isn’t lonely, he has his kids and they could have celebrated on their own. Wasn’t worth the fallout with in laws imo

?? Who says Christmas is for families? That’s a very weird rule you have. Christmas, like all holidays, are for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite the family over any other night in December for hot chocolate, cookie decorating, ornament making, Christmas music, or whatever for a festive neighborly gathering that can be fun for the kids.

Uh, no. OP should not, and will not, rescind an already-extended invitation to Christmas dinner to indulge her MIL’s nasty toddler temper tantrum.

Oh just stop. It wasn't an invitation engraved in stone. Maybe neighbor felt put on the spot at the initial asking. His kids will probably be bored out of their minds anyway.

[Anonymous]

Your in laws are totally out of line.

If they need you all to themselves then they can host in the future or visit another time.

They can come for Christmas or stay home. If they come your neighbor will be there and if they can't treat them respectfully ask them to leave

[Anonymous]

There’s more to this story, of course. OP and her husband know his parents very well, presumably. If they’re the type of people who wouldn’t want to have Christmas dinner with strangers, this is something OP and husband would have known. So the decision to just go ahead and invite the neighbor and his kids without checking with the in laws was insensitive to them and not very nice. As others have noted, it’s not like the neighbor would have been alone at Christmas.

[Anonymous]

This “Christmas is for family” stuff is bonkers. It’s nice how strictly some of you adhere to tradition. In commemoration of there being no room at the inn, perhaps?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite the family over any other night in December for hot chocolate, cookie decorating, ornament making, Christmas music, or whatever for a festive neighborly gathering that can be fun for the kids.

Uh, no. OP should not, and will not, rescind an already-extended invitation to Christmas dinner to indulge her MIL’s nasty toddler temper tantrum.

Oh just stop. It wasn't an invitation engraved in stone. Maybe neighbor felt put on the spot at the initial asking. His kids will probably be bored out of their minds anyway.

It was an invitation — not just for a random snack, but for a major holiday. Dad has probably told the kids, and may be looking forward to sharing new holiday traditions with his neighbors. Just for funsies, PP, what’s a suitable child-friendly script for uninviting the neighbors? Most of us do the our-word-is-our-bond thing, especially when going out of our way to issue invitations. I’m sure I’m not the only one who could learn from this, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite the family over any other night in December for hot chocolate, cookie decorating, ornament making, Christmas music, or whatever for a festive neighborly gathering that can be fun for the kids.

They’ve already been invited for dinner though. Oopsie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. I would not bring my kids to my neighbor's adult family dinner party on Christmas. I sort of assumed OP had her own kids and the families all knew each other, which sounds like a great idea, but that's not the case. Since there won't be other kids there to make it fun for my kids it's not an invitation I would accept. Does neighbor know his kids will be the only ones? it would matter to me that this was a family/kid friendly party which sounds like this is not, so I would not go.

What you would do is completely moot. OP invited her neighbor. He accepted. One would presume that, as he is their neighbor, he is aware that they have no children. If it was a concern of his whether his children would be the only children, he could have asked before accepting. Apparently the man is not planning a big celebration at his house. He told OP that he missed big, home cooked celebrations (sounds like that may have been his wife's job and whether he is widowed or divorced, his wife is no longer in the picture to provide). And OP invited him over and he accepted.

This is not about whether the man should or should not have accepted or should or should not have questioned whether his children will be the only children.

The issue here is what to do about OP's MIL/FIL who have been truly rude and despicable in response to being informed that a neighbor family was being included in the celebration. And what to do about MIL and FIL. As I said above, I think that OP and her husband should make it clear that the other family has been invited, they are guests and that MIL and FIL are expected to behave politely and courteously. If they can't do that, they should postpone their plans to visit for another time when the neighbors will not be invited to the celebration.