In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let them pitch their fit, and then repeat, there will 13 people for Xmas dinner. End conversation.

This is the correct response. Only I wouldn't let them pitch a fit. If they bring it up again "they're coming, end of conversation. Christmas is a time for generosity and these people are our friends."

[Anonymous]

This would be game on for me. I’d invite more people. My husband and I just had a conversation about how Thanksgiving is always better when we have more than just our family. Several years we invited our families, close friends of mine, and had some last minute visitors turn up with my mom and dad. We had a bonfire in the back yard and I did an ice cream sundae bar for dessert, no gross pie. We definitely had some grousing from my MIL, but I just told her that I totally understood if it was too much for her and that if she preferred to make other plans, we would understand. Everyone else seemed to have a really nice time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be game on for me. I’d invite more people. My husband and I just had a conversation about how Thanksgiving is always better when we have more than just our family. Several years we invited our families, close friends of mine, and had some last minute visitors turn up with my mom and dad. We had a bonfire in the back yard and I did an ice cream sundae bar for dessert, no gross pie. We definitely had some grousing from my MIL, but I just told her that I totally understood if it was too much for her and that if she preferred to make other plans, we would understand. Everyone else seemed to have a really nice time.

I don’t follow—what was in the pie you previously served that made it gross?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We haven’t told anyone that we help him out. I told them that he would be spending the holiday alone with his kids, so i asked him to come over.

I was wondering this….and so it is even worse of her to say. So over the top.

We invite people every year and our mothers actually enjoy it or pretend to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be game on for me. I’d invite more people. My husband and I just had a conversation about how Thanksgiving is always better when we have more than just our family. Several years we invited our families, close friends of mine, and had some last minute visitors turn up with my mom and dad. We had a bonfire in the back yard and I did an ice cream sundae bar for dessert, no gross pie. We definitely had some grousing from my MIL, but I just told her that I totally understood if it was too much for her and that if she preferred to make other plans, we would understand. Everyone else seemed to have a really nice time.

I don’t follow—what was in the pie you previously served that made it gross?

She’s saying she doesn’t like pumpkin pie on thanksgiving (sacrilege!) so she had an ice cream bar instead.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. Ice cream bar for Christmas sounds awesome!

And yeah, OP, your MIL sucks.

[Anonymous]

This would not help matters at all, but you could troll them. What else do they hate? Announce that it’s not just Christmas dinner, but a role-playing Thirteen at Dinner Christmas Murder Mystery Spectacular. Followed by an improv night and poetry slam. Then a rousing game of charades and then cribbage night.

[Anonymous]

I say stay the course, OP. You truly embody the Christmas spirit and are inspiring to me.

Your relationship with your neighbors are just as important as
that with your ILs. Good on you for cultivating this and showing a beautiful example for your DC. I’ll bet your gathering is a ton of fun and that you’re a relaxed, generous host.

So, lead with all this in mind. You’ve told your ILs that you’ll have these special friends joining. ILs may choose to stay home. That might be even better. Your house, your rules. Don’t let the ILs ruin your awesome plans.

[Anonymous]

PP 11:32. I have more to say!

Your MIL reminds me of my own mom who complains that her little country church with declining membership is “too focused” on helping the poor people, who she claims are all scammers who line up for food distribution. She complains that her pastor’s sermons are all about helping poor people and therefore has severely curtailed her “giving” and will only give to very specific programs, like the church electricity bill.

My mom and your ILs are entirely too self-serving and have odd expectations that you and your family somehow need to treat them as honored guests and visiting royalty; how very dare you invite someone unrelated to your gathering- how will the ILs command attention of there are unrelated guests?
Also, they’d have to be on their best behavior in front of non family.

[Anonymous]

Sheesh—they sound unpleasant. I’d make clear that the neighbors are coming. The ILs are welcome if they can be polite and festive with everyone. You won’t tolerate anyone being rude to friends. if they can’t be nice to your friend, then they can’t come.

[Anonymous]

Any update, OP??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP should serve soup for Christmas dinner. And ask MIL if she wants to pat down the neighbors before they leave so she can make sure they didn't steal anything.

Even as a supposed “joke”, talking about the neighbors in this way is cruel an inappropriate. Instead, maybe suggest that the MIL be patted down after her soup?

[Anonymous]

I didn't read through every comment but wow....I would uninvite my in-laws for acting this way. This says a lot about their character!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be game on for me. I’d invite more people. My husband and I just had a conversation about how Thanksgiving is always better when we have more than just our family. Several years we invited our families, close friends of mine, and had some last minute visitors turn up with my mom and dad. We had a bonfire in the back yard and I did an ice cream sundae bar for dessert, no gross pie. We definitely had some grousing from my MIL, but I just told her that I totally understood if it was too much for her and that if she preferred to make other plans, we would understand. Everyone else seemed to have a really nice time.

I want to be friends with you. Love this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be game on for me. I’d invite more people. My husband and I just had a conversation about how Thanksgiving is always better when we have more than just our family. Several years we invited our families, close friends of mine, and had some last minute visitors turn up with my mom and dad. We had a bonfire in the back yard and I did an ice cream sundae bar for dessert, no gross pie. We definitely had some grousing from my MIL, but I just told her that I totally understood if it was too much for her and that if she preferred to make other plans, we would understand. Everyone else seemed to have a really nice time.

I want to be friends with you. Love this post.

If we host next year, you are invited. Bring rolls and beer.