In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you told your MIL and she flipped. Then what did you say?

I told her that we are quite close with these neighbors and want to open our home to them at Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would uninvite them for this.

+1 That is unacceptable behavior.

I would not risk that she will be rude. No one deserves to feel unwelcome on Christmas, especially a single parent and his children. I was that child growing up invited to other families for holidays with my dad and the experience is already so othering and uncomfortable. It seems very unlikely MIL will turn around and be loving and gracious to the “outsiders”.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure you can resolve this without drama — since you’re not the one creating the drama.
You’ll probably handle it more tactfully than I would. You might want to have your spouse take their calls.
If they persist, suggest that if your plans are not to their liking, you’ll fully understand if they decide to make other plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wtf? Are they going to make nasty comments to this man and his children all night too? Would also consider uninviting.

OP here,

honestly, this is part of my concern. My DH has already spoken to them and made it clear that it was a joint decision for us to invite the neighbors and that they are to be polite. They argued with him about how if they wanted to eat dinner "with a bunch of strangers", they would have gone to a restaurant.

OP, since your DH is on board, I would have him follow up with them along the lines of what 13:07 said. I can’t imagine being that cruel, let alone welcoming people that cruel into my home. Family or not, it’s unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you told your MIL and she flipped. Then what did you say?

I told her that we are quite close with these neighbors and want to open our home to them at Christmas.

Then you’ve handled it. If you are now worried they will say something to your neighbor, go ahead and uninvite them now. But have your husband do it. Otherwise, there’s nothing more to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wtf? Are they going to make nasty comments to this man and his children all night too? Would also consider uninviting.

OP here,

honestly, this is part of my concern. My DH has already spoken to them and made it clear that it was a joint decision for us to invite the neighbors and that they are to be polite. They argued with him about how if they wanted to eat dinner "with a bunch of strangers", they would have gone to a restaurant.

Well, I guess that they can do just that.

[Anonymous]

I could totally see my mom hating this kind of thing and making “conversation” all night that were passive aggressive barbs. Your husband needs to be ready to intervene.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Uninvite now OP. Someone who is willing to be so breathtakingly and boldly rude will not be shy about making your guests uncomfortable. I promise you that. Don’t subject this poor man and his family to your in-laws. You will not be a gracious host if you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Uninvite now OP. Someone who is willing to be so breathtakingly and boldly rude will not be shy about making your guests uncomfortable. I promise you that. Don’t subject this poor man and his family to your in-laws. You will not be a gracious host if you do.

+1

Your MIL will be horrid to your neighbors. I would just I rescind the invite now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could totally see my mom hating this kind of thing and making “conversation” all night that were passive aggressive barbs. Your husband needs to be ready to intervene.

Agree that DH should be in guard but also should warn them in advance that they will be uninvited or asked to leave if they can’t be gracious. Have your kids make placecards for dinner and plan to place in laws at the far end of the table from your neighbor who should be seated next to you.

Remind them in advance that this is actually a religious holiday and that their reaction is about as unchristian and unwelcoming as someone can possibly be.

[Anonymous]

“No, it’s not a soup kitchen: it is our home. DH and I enjoy the company of our neighbors and will be hosting. This is an invitation, not a summons, so you are welcome to decline if you do not want to be in the same room as our welcome guests. It’s up to you. Neighbors will be there—you do not have to be if that is your choice. But if you choose to come and then complain or say anything negative again, your invitation will be rescinded. Are we clear?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could totally see my mom hating this kind of thing and making “conversation” all night that were passive aggressive barbs. Your husband needs to be ready to intervene.

Agree that DH should be in guard but also should warn them in advance that they will be uninvited or asked to leave if they can’t be gracious. Have your kids make placecards for dinner and plan to place in laws at the far end of the table from your neighbor who should be seated next to you.

Remind them in advance that this is actually a religious holiday and that their reaction is about as unchristian and unwelcoming as someone can possibly be.

If there’s even a chance that there will be an issue then I think OP needs to uninvite the in-laws. DH should not have to spend his Christmas babysitting them to ensure they won’t bully the guests. It’s not enough to just ask them to leave after they’ve already behaved badly. Can you imagine how the guests would feel in that situation? And it would be a hell of an awkward dinner after that.

[Anonymous]

Is this for real OP? I would be fearful that my husband was raised by these horrid people. I think it is admirable that you are sharing the holiday with your neighbors. If your MIL says anything rude whatsoever- send her to the kitchen or time-out. I have a hard time imaging that someone would be so mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wtf? Are they going to make nasty comments to this man and his children all night too? Would also consider uninviting.

OP here,

honestly, this is part of my concern. My DH has already spoken to them and made it clear that it was a joint decision for us to invite the neighbors and that they are to be polite. They argued with him about how if they wanted to eat dinner "with a bunch of strangers", they would have gone to a restaurant.

Are they normally trashy? Sounds like it’s best for them not to come.

[Anonymous]

Another here worried that MIL will act put upon throughout the meal, making neighbor and his kids feel uncomfortable.