Is this too awkward — vacationing with my BIL
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
What’s with all the random periods? |
Anonymous
It's 1000% fine. You go and act normal. You cannot control how other people act so you shouldn't let it control you. Go. |
Anonymous
There is so much projection in this post, I feel like I need to get some popcorn, get in a recliner and watch in surround sound. |
Anonymous
OP here, He hasn't objected because none of us have brought it up to him. He objects to things like me attending a parent teacher conference with a male teacher, or me talking to a male soccer coach alone on the sidelines of practice. So, I think it's likely he would object to this. I won't drink alcohol on this trip. You can't "accidentally" cheat on your spouse, so I don't know what that's about. I don't say "how dare you think that's possible" so I can't address that point. |
Anonymous
DH doesn't know. I'll make my decision before I tell him anything. He might miss the actual time slot for one visit, but we can shift things around, particularly with the kids off school, so he won't miss any hours. I'm totally confused how I've gotten that I get"full family feedback" for everything. I've talked to the SIL and BIL who invited us. That seems pretty normal that you talk to the people who invite you to do things. My IL's are worried that my kids will lose their connection to family, so I can guarantee that they will like the idea of my kids being on vacation with cousins. But I haven't actually talked to them. |
Anonymous
| I’m very worried about how jealous your husband is. That’s not normal. Between sane and healthy adults , this trip is fine. |
Anonymous
Yes, his jealousy is a symptom of his mental illness. I agree that it’s not normal. |
Anonymous
“OP here, My SIL is fine with it. In Laws are fine. His other sister will be jealous that my kids got a free vacation but hers didn’t. BIL hasn’t invited the kids without me. Still thinking about it.” When you said upthread that “in-laws are fine” it sounded like you were referring to many of them, not just the two directly involved, (plus you referenced an additional SIL who would not be fine) hence my comment. Sorry if I made a leap there. GL and I hope it works out well for you and your kids. |
Anonymous
ok you did not say "how dare you" etc. You said I have a dark and twisted mind for believing cheating was a possible inference on such a trip. But that's the inference you are afraid others will draw, so how is it dark and twisted? That's why you posted. You believe it's an awkward situation because it is the sort of scenario where someone might infer cheating could occur and nothing you can say would be able to prove otherwise since the opportunities would be constantly present. It's not just your husband's jealousy. If the jealousy is irrational like at a teachers conference other same people will discount it. That is not what makes.it.awkward. Stating you will not drink alcohol simply admits that there is a real risk and temptation for you on this trip.You are emotionally attached to him. He is bonded with your children too. You know that if you drink, your inhibitions will be lowered. If somewhere inside you had no interest in having sex with him, or he with you, you would not need to abstain from alcohol. Perhaps the biggest danger is that you are simultaneously in complete denial that what is obviously a possibility, is a possibility. You are setting things up exactly so that it will be possible for sex to happen but so that you can also claim that you had no idea it could ever happen. That's exactly what people with poor boundaries do when they want to set things up to cheat, yet not be responsible for it. Your bil would not have invited you and the kids along unless he thought there was atleast a possibility of banging you. As you said there are other brothers and sisters that didn't get an invite which makes it all the more awkward. Like many people who end up cheating, you're supplying the firewood and the fuel, as is your bil and all you need is the match The only way you won't end up having sex with your bil if you do this, is if he.chickens out, or.possibly you get.cock.blocked byhis kids or.yours. |
Anonymous
| He should disinvite you and your kids, and invite his own sister and her kids. Obviously the favoritism to you is because of the potential for sex, which presumably is off limits with his own sister. And in fact it is you who should decline and insist he invite his sister and her.kids. |
Anonymous
This has nothing to do with the insane husband. He's insane. No one will give any credit to his irrational jealousy. She is concerned that his jealousy is rational in this case, not irrational. The trip is obviously one in which cheating could easily occur. The BIL chose op and her.kids over his own sister and sisters kids for this trip. Why do you think that is? Because there is a chance to bang OP, no chance to bang his own sister. |
Anonymous
He doesn't have a sister. Where are you getting that he has a sister? |
Anonymous
| I’d go. |
Anonymous
|
You know there is a possibility of something going wrong if you go on this vacation, which is why you’re asking the question to begin with. You have no control over how others will view it and whether they are right or wrong, it can be very, very difficult, if not impossible, to undo the damage their perceptions can create for you. I think you should forgo the trip. Don’t buy trouble.
if this is a place you and your kids really want to visit, you can start saving for it on your own and make it happen at another time, and without your BIL. |
Anonymous
| OP-I would go. But I'd also probably bring a friend. |